12pm to 5pm is over, which also means I'm free for the rest of my Saturday. How nice. I've already paid a deposit for that pair of spectacles, and I'm pretty much excited to collect it on Tuesday. One of my colleagues today offered me Sticky Chewy Chocolate and some peanut ice cream, and it was heavenly. Now it's got me craving for more. I've got to stop the cravings for ice cream, it's been so often since I started working at Swensen's.

My dog's just had a hair cut and she looks so adorable, and she won't be called 'Flower Face' anymore by anyone. I'm looking forward to dinner now. Am changed and am heading out for dinner. I'm hoping to chat with the H4s tonight; I miss them.

And today was a better day than the previous two, because I got to see both my boyfriend and my friends. Went spectacles-hunting with Phoebe, and I got this really good buy for plastic framed spectacles (it's brown in colour by the way). $88 will have to come out from my upcoming pay. Phoebe got brown plastic rimmed glasses too, which is pretty cool because it seems we've got the same kind of range of spectacles. Well, a friend played out on us last minute, and she had to lie to get out of meeting us. Everything just didn't tally. I was double played-out in a day - first I was supposedly meeting Daryl to go out but she clean-forgot and went ahead making new plans. Ok with that, then Dana played out on Pris, Phoebe and I. But the day was fantastic I'd say.

Yay, so I've got work tomorrow, which means I'll be earning more bucks as the hour ticks by while I'm working, and I cross my fingers that I'll be required to do OT, so that I'll be able to get more money to go by this pitiful holiday. I need to slog this holidays onward. I am going to impress my world with what I will achieve.

So last night I had the strangest dream. In that dream, I had my wrists slashed, and the person who turned to my aid was someone I wouldn't ever want to see in my whole life (Names will remain private and confidential, and not disclosed). That particular someone took the blade and killed herself with it. And that was it, my dream. Of course the dream concluded with a whole lot of weeping and chaos. This really goes to show how much this suicide thing has gotten into my mind, to the extent that I even dream of it. I need to change all that.

I tried praying my insomnia-awakened nights to slumber, but prayer doesn't work(not a bit at all), so I've given up on praying. I just stare at the wall until I fall asleep. I've been getting body aches from the tossing and turning while sleeping this week. It's weird because I've never really had this problem before.

Hey, I'm feeling better than yesternight. Yesternight was horrid, and I wouldn't want to re-live anymore of that kind of yesternights anymore. I've got dessert/beverage/settings test later on with Priscelia at 5pm and I've not studied for it. I'll be working till 11pm tonight. This really sucks. But the thing to look forward to will be tomorrow's outing with Daryl. Come to think of it, it's been ages since I last met up with her, say, 5 months ago or so. I'm hoping to go town with her tomorrow.

Boyfriend, you're being missed.

Noone's really here actually. Noone's telepathic. Just like now, noone knows or listens while I type this broken-heartedly. I'm not taken seriously whenever people are told that I am upset. Point is, depression in me has come to a stage whereby I'm harbouring suicidal thoughts again, after estimatedly half a year of a suicide-free life. People tend to take what I say for a ride, like a meer passing remark, without knowing that people who appear happy all the time, do get the blues. And I'm a born pessimist. Every teeny weeny promise made were just stack of lies, and I've taught myself not to believe any longer before I get myself burned further in this game of Life.

I wrote a letter to Marion. I wrote that I missed her. I even added the part where the evil no-life stole her bastard boyfriend, and that I prayed they would break up a hurtful one.I wrote about the devils in my life now scrutinizing and manipulating me day in and day out. I wrote about the hatred building within me for my sister, who should rightfully have her tongue cut so she will shut her gap for the rest of her being. Fighting all these demons will kill me, I swear it will. I might just as well kill myself and beat them to it.

Now at this very moment, my heart is sunken in my stomach. A friend just reminded me to read her blog, and it didn't occur to me before this how much she needed my presence, even spiritual presence, when there was so much trauma at this point of her life. Point is, I wasn't even there when she needed me there. I have constantly complained about friends who have turned their backs against one another or even against me, but I just realised that I am no more superior than manipulaters. This may sound dramatic but, I feel as if I have failed that friend. And I'm sorry. I really am.

This bout is depression is multiplying and spreading within my self like wildfire, and I know not how to stop it. I'm so unhappy with myself and my life and how my life works; I just want it to end so that I wouldn't have to have tears streaming down for no reason at all.

Happiness is shortlived
Lasting only with material costs
Perishes like a cricket crushed to silence

There are always millions and gazillions of reasons I can come up with to quit this overrated life, and I wish I could have the abilities and boldness to, but most unfortunately I dare not. I feel that I'm happy whenever I'm at work, but when I do return home from work, all that's in my mind is that overpowering fatigue stinging my hands and feet, and the fact that I've not been having much communication with my boyfriend. It's work, then home to sleep, then waking up to suffering from aches, then going back to work with those aches I've been complaining that has been lasting for the past few days, and after that I'm back home with added aches to worsen the previous ones. Now now, doesn't that sounds a pointless, to be living a life like this? Well, welcome to my life.

There will be a zillion people who will claim to have been your friends once you pass on from them, as in die, literally. And while you're still in the being state, noone really bothers or cares. Life seems to be lived for the sake of living, and not for the reason of enjoying the living. Felix was right, life's a story, and a story's full of contradictions be it within oneself or on the exterior, and you're living a constant contradiction. Hypocrites rule the world; angels and saints rule the heavens. There, another contradiction. Whatever it is, the bottom line (there are always bottomlines after such nags and lectures), keep cherish in what is right in front of you, rather than crying over spilt milk when you've lost it all.

I wish I could just type whatever that's on my mind, instead of translating it all into better english. It tires my mind. Boyfriend, if you're reading this, I just want to tell you that I miss you very much, and I need a tight hug from you right now. Flu doesn't feel recovered without some loving from you.

11 hours of non stop work, sometimes I wonder how much endurance does it take to stay in a job like this, because the whole 11 is plain torture. Dehydration has got me resulted in a terribly sore throat and a blocked runny nose. My body system is pleading for rest, but my mind is setting blogging as a compulsory. Hunger is turning me insane. Stress is murdering me. I need to destress and let my hair down. It's the holidays.

Think on the bright side Cheryl, you have 2 'off' days this coming week.

There, alas a new layout and colour to my blog (Thanks to Ingrid and Phoebe, who offered aid in the transformation of my blog). Will insert a flooble chatbox into the left table as soon as possible. It's been dull and boring for far too long. I must admit that work is getting to be more fun each day, though the toughness does tag along with that; I started taking orders and keying orders, and running orders, and hopefully soon I'll be getting my microcard to access into the order system. After work, Pris and I went to grab some Macs while waiting for Phoebe, headed to town, ate chicken rice, took prints, bought a slipper, then went home. Had a gigantic quarrel with sister concerning the appointment planned initially, but all's alright now. My boy's working today from 11pm to 7am; what dumb hours to be slogging away while the others are at their comfort zones in slumberland. Tomorrow there's work from 12 to 5, and I'll be catching The Exorcist with mum and sis. I need time to cool things down my schedule; been entangled in work for the past two weeks. I'm very much looking forward to Design Camp 2004 and the start of next semester.

Results for Year 1 Semester 1
Vislit - B+
Stote - D+
AuEss - B+
Bavid - B
Mfun - B
C&E - Z (tops 5% of A)
DrFun - C
APEL - P
Results - GS

Top 25%!

Disappointment
receiving from
every
end
.