Tides of fallacy washing onto shores of fate, causing all that's never seen to finally outshine the darkness so infinite. Periods of halcyon descends to a ground of dirty linen and filth.

When the stories behind these blankets of cataracts disclose themselves, that will come the time when the ghosts in her shall free. Till she discovers honesty in change, the insatiable thirst for truth remains, unfulfilled.

The pretence, does it go on until the show finally concludes, or does the masquerade live on with her?

I can't bear to think that I've been part of this show all my life.

Misunderstood for the frivolous
Neverending battles of verbal rebukes
Worthiness striked out at full force
Two hearts in same rest

It must be love, it must be
The light beneath my feet knelt me down,
begging for eternity.
Many a wish, many a fulfilment
Wanting more and more

Two's heartbeats race
Adrenaline pumps at its rushes
Exhileration; speechless
You have answered quiet riddles in my prayers.

One year eight months twenty-four days
A bond made sacred
Love, molded for You and I.

Happy fourth, love.

Daggers at its full charge
Targetted for bloody chaos
With agenda as cause and purpose;
the swords soar sky-high

Angst
the sea engulfs leftover scraps of hope,
like vultures encircling a carcass.
Should they wish to have me dead

Taste sourness with a scrunged face
At tip of tongues you find daggers
Awaiting prey's throats and chests
With thrusting vindication

The finer days have sailed by
No room for salvation
No more room.

The throbbing ache at the back of my lower jaw reminds me of days when I needed to counsel the dentist every six months regarding the health of my teeth and gums. A toothache has been bothering the flexibility of my gums. There is an obvious bulge at the bottom back of my lower jaw's gums which is causing my appetite to turn poor.

I miss days when the class would jeer at the person who was summoned to the dentist in the midst of lessons and preachings. I remember delaying strolls to the dentist just to kill time from lessons, I remember murmuring and reciting in my head what the dentist would kindly tell me and instruct me to do. And once I reached, I was only ordered to occasionally spit water while she gouges my mouth's interior till it bled. She would then comment on how beautiful my set of teeth were, followed up by step-by-step instructions, with a teeth-set dummy and a spare brush, demonstrating the precise technique I should be applying onto my teeth and gums daily. I tried the methods she introduced to my morning and before-bed system, but I got tired of my gums bleeding every morning to my attempts. So I brushed her instructions away. And now, almost 18, and I am lacking the braveness to step into another dental clinic.

Ah, the wonders of reminisce (and the timidness of adulthood).

Grooving to Chemical Brothers isn't exactly a wise choice of music when the temperature in Singapore's up to 32 degrees celcius; it stirs little futuristic wars in my mind, maybe Star Wars might give you a better impression of what this is about. The days spent are brightening with the faces I've not seen much lately, whom are basically comprised of friends and you. Talking about you takes me through wild adventures, a balanced mixture of sugar and spice. Knowing that most times, you bear my different weathers with me too, I'd like, too, to do all that with you.

Unlike how your internet connection snaps and shuts on you, I'll be the trusty soulmate and love you will turn to for ranting and raving at because your access to the internet has failed you. And unlike your computer (which constantly jams on you too), I will instead, stall time, halt the clocks and crush them, and freeze the moment just to be by your side for you to bawl to.

I'll never be one of those people who will promise you a lifetime of goodness and never be there to fulfill them. And it is with this dear love I hold for you that I keep my word to you.

Cliche spells with each word spouted, but you have made the gloomy days shine to the farest ends of my world.

Joyous are men who gather
Human nature an excuse
Love in seldom perfect requit
Money a possession of desires of the shallow
Empty, the hearts that seek them

I dwell in hollow materialism,
proclaiming righteousness not practiced.
Silhouettes of solace built with effortlessness
Bliss toppled on its solid pillars

Destiny's temperament made me a tool
Love smirked at me as the world's greatest fool.

Alas, time ripens
Writings running out of ink, words in regretful demise
Final hours of the night to waste of foolish reasons
Last promises thrust emptiness
Felicity never belonged
Solace in seek of refuge
Spirit in subtle lay to rest

There, you find facade, a fashion in many's stories
A thousand tales, still inkless
Blotched.
Not a pen on its surface, transparency dismissed
Fairytales at its unfold; bad dreams in soulful perspiration

Memories locked by heart
Situations handled by the mind
Pieces hand-written for remembrance
You have been but my guardian.

Close doors,
Comebacks will bless in victorious delegation
like kings from bloody wars.
Happenings will awaken, wide.

And soulcleavage,
it is but goodbye for a while.
Till I may return,
may solemnity stay by you, friend.

More frequent than usually, meer acquaintances you call friends, have probably never been in any dilemma with you. A friendship takes lengths of tremendous sacrifices and never practises manipulation. It takes a long time to decipher and discern which person suits your communication and interaction-comfort; how sparks of concern create opportunities for two people to get more intimate and emotionally-bonded, although not lovers.

Soulmates.

18 years, with two friends, far beyond acquaintaces. One following up by another, it is with deep gladness that I am blessed with gems which can never be bought monetarily -

Marion and Dana.

Silver linings once so bright, transform into poles of ebony rust. The dresses so rich in culture and colours, hang meaningless and dusty. The memories so near yet so far, like wedding bells and pastel joy you remember. The waiting you promised yourself worthwhile becomes the most painful journey in you life you have ever sworn to embark.

Chained in selfish chatters, choices have to be made to suit, and life adjusted to the tunings of God's hands. Hand in hand are the lies you brought yourself upon, yet insistently shift the blame to the maligned.

I want to be remembered for the many sacrifices I made for you, the love I had to carpet and stubbornly strut into the world, pronouncing my state; the faces I have to shy away from people's eyes. Guilt will always be, by far, the worst emotion to deal with.

At the end of everynight, it is only love that I can't deny.

I've ran out of fingers and toes to count the amount of things I have to prioritise. If I have to prioritise everything, what comes first?

Here, a list of things that summarised 20th April 2005 for me.

/Went to school for orientation briefing. 5 GLs to one sub empire, which indicates 10 GLs to one empire. 12 sub empires, which makes it 60 GLs; and we only have 29 GLs at hand. Alex refuses to transfer people to our committee to be GLs. Well, I've decided to go for OBS because it's entirely subsidised (sponsored you may say), unless I do get my period at that time.
/Headed to ECP to book the BBQ pits with Phoebe and Nanny. (Thanks!)
/Went to town to buy for her her beach slippers she planned to get since so long. I bought the same one too.
/Arranged to meet Nique at Tampines interchange but we ended up in a verbal fight.
/I went home to get the webcam I bought yesterday.
/Challenger finally agreed to let me change my webcam.
/Nique and I walked me home from the interchange.
/I'm still craving for genuine corn soup and Nique's home-made brocolli dish. It feels like I'm starving.

Okay, that's all. Another day.