All in all, Happy 18th Birthday Dana!

Mum, why can't you just see that she's been here all along to make me happy when nobody else tries?

Education, career-to-be, family, diploma-to-get; all fucked. I'm just not capable of holding the remainder of sturdiness I once shouldered. Not worth the hassle of the extra acre I request of you. The excitement and thrilling anticipation diminished to a shuffling grain of could-be(s). I admit finally, that I am lost in this wilderness you call growing up to reality and adulthood.

Girlfriend, I need you to help me stand strong, rooted with strength and faith.

Midnight enchantment
Bewitched, witching hours
Dancing on footnotes of glory and liberty
Say you'll forgive and be needing me, this lifetime ever fervently
Unprepared animosity, shrivelling insecurities
Wide eyed fears wrapped in negativity
Encapsulated, still, the magic of a smile
The upturn of your lips meet whimsical gaiety,
even if prolonged only for a while
Skies that lifted their pain
Sunshine seeps through to us after the rain
A seedling, sprouting with essence of sheer existence
Flourished with sifted fragrance of joyous eternity
Etched with veins of stories about you and me

A life and its course, with you only, Nique.

-

I was flipping through printed memories. And I chanced upon these:

To start off, no KCian can ever forget this man, who jesters math lessons, affectionately holds his chalk, and does the waltz with his stick of chalk.

What about chalets? When the junkies of our lame clique got tipsy from vomit-inducing Barcadi 40% and sat along the walls of the chalet stairs stoning?

The happy clique, the family we named Lamer. Much memories, with little remainder.

What about Evening of Music, Dance and Drama on Year 2002, the ex 2/1ers and 2/2ers?
The crazy 4/1ers 2003 during Graduation Tea and the hotel stay at Oriental Hotel after graduation. One of the cliques of the class dressed in gothic (their theme) outfits for graduation and it sparked off nosey chatters.


My polytechnic coursemates, starting off as meer acquaintances.

The two friends I made that bonded ties through school life and love life. These hilarious people I've gotten closer to in the course of my 2 years in poly life.

And never leaving me, these two, sharing 18 years of joy, woe, laughter, madness with me.

24th November 2005, at the stroke of 3pm, I submitted Multimedia Scriptwriting 1's Assignment01, and....

Gail gave the class 2 more assignments, due on Week 6 and 7. By the way, this is week 3. Lecturers conveniently flood our workload-cart, although the Year 2 students are tied up with internship and portfolio's details. Lack of slumber has resulted me in mornings not punctual for school; thus, the last standing solution of wasting my pittance on taxi fares. Even so, I am thrilled at the excitement of being on an internship.

I am awfully robust with intellectual sarcasm towards this particular piece of decomposed lard. I wish she could just try to take a peek at her reflection, to notice and shun the sight of the person on the other side peering back at her.

Anyway, Harry Potter's a stunning movie. Perhaps I'm only judging so because I have never read the book. Emily Rose wound me up drenching in insomnia (not that its effects scared the wits out of me).

I need an improved resolution for my livelihood.

-

Ghastly fatigue has turned my eyelids inside out, causing them to blink with heaviness. I am tired, I have to admit. The pittance of stamina has labelled me frail and incompetent. Tired, I am.

Copyright, Phoebevil. Evil, indeed.

**FOR REFERENCE SAKE**

Lecture times, Introduction To Psychology (Locations)
Mon 6-7 (LT 17 - Business)
Wed 9-10 (LT 21 - Business)
Wed 6-7 (LT 29 - Engine)
Thu 6-7 (LT 29 - Engine)
Fri 3-4 (LT 42 - Engine)

Blots of guilt struck me on trips
Your heartless cruelty; my weak personality flips
One step, two step..
Then delegating farthest miles of separation
Perfect world, she listens and engraves in memory book
Playing hard to get, circles and circles in a loop
Goodbyes and making up
Emotions stirring in stripped slums
Stimulated confusion consumes brightly-lit happiness
A pitch of infinite echoes all our words
Silent animosity, in full allowance of closeted honesty
Yet, a crafted flame of two sculptors roared incandescently
Sense of unbelonging absence of security
Narrowing down to a question of fervent plea
Won't you, simply love me?

I love you.

Lazy bones are delaying my determination to begin doing the teaser (since I'm already finished with the unsuccessful attempt with the trailer and the proposals). Suppose I'll get down to starting on the MMSW project?

Some kids just retrieved back their fortunes of being able to free themselves from the grasp of GCE O Levels while I'm rooted in front of my laptop trying to key in and register some ideas for submission tomorrow. Dissatisfactory is the type of work I have churned out for the trailer script.

I need to quicken my pace in preparing my portfolio, so that I can send in applications of cover letters seeking internship with any profitable design company.

NCPS is luxuriating in a milkbath of freedom while I'm struggling with piled pressure from work.

Flip, witness, toss
A coin spinning above, consequence's cost
Her wandering mind searching to find
Favourite solutions hanging by the silk line
Decide, then, by fate's virgin hand
You will, as destiny's craftsmen
What lies beneath
Truth and justice's parodies
And you, dance the part of a clown
Laugh, hop, prey, juggle, drown
In twisted clutches of karma
There and then, realisation isn't that far

During MMSW, Gail gave us a number of topics whereby the topic itself reminded us of someone. There and then, we did a character analysis/profile for that person, derived from how well/much we know and understand that person. All this is to depict the most accurate target audience for a specific or range of products.

The product I chose was Tampons, apart from the other alternative options such as the Lamborgini, McDonald Fries and this other product (I forgot what it was). Guess who struck my thoughts instantly at the term Tampons....

You're right. Dana!

Shifting subject of blogging, I have lined-up assignments awaiting my touch of commencement. I'm quivering at the mention of the work's that imagined to be compiled from this week onwards. Thank God I have Lina going through the insufferable timetable slots every Thursdays.

Scripts for a teaser and trailer

Multimedia Scriptwriting Assignment 1 - comparison and critique of 2 magazines

2 Psychology quizzes online

PComD - Research on 5 companies for internship and narrow it down to 1.

Pea's papers are coming to an end, at long last. Can barely bear the anticipation until 2nd December. I get to see pea tomorrow - a Friday! I will demand Pea to pick me up from school everyday 22nd Nov onwards. Owe her chocolate sundaes and owes me tubs of Rocky Road Magnolia ice cream. I want!

Back to reciting stress.

Edit.839pm
Just burying myself in work so I won't be affected by what you're not bothering with. Lethargy is preventing me from typing in prose and more profound English.

Just thought you'd remember.

Suck me dry; my heart hangs mid drift in the air, love dripping from tip of tongues. A giant blanket of sky sewn with sparkling glittery captured dazes. A hushed infinite onyx-embedded atmosphere gave its solitude away when a jagged pointing finger of lightning cracked the dimmed heavens. Trickles of clouds dispersed their way down. Gold was shimmering in the drops of reflected stars, in rain. The black-scarlet above us transitioned to a blankof tranquil.

There, I laid my head upon your shoulders, and found everlasting rest.

I love you Pea.

Reaching 11 months of utter adoration of a partner I thought would almost prolong a lifetime suddenly depleted to a finish, with you and I torn and going separate ways. Since our second get-together, we have undergone through upteen transformations and trials, hand in hand or not. You have been a greatest deal of my existence, you have been my strength and my weakness. For so long, I have been smitten by you, afraid to prick a heart you carry so fragile and paranoid of losing. Until today, noone holds this exact status and rank in the recesses of my heart and being. Joy you have shone upon my darkest peaks and carousels of emotions you have made me trip on, nevertheless, you've been the most special person there is to me (besides Marion). 11 months of devotion and undying affection, but the wilting promises and chaining obligations have taken their tolls on us. Ashley and Ashton were the ultimate of our fantasies, a simple apartment along the coasts of Singapore, and an infinite pledge to bind us together for all times. Then till tonight, I will not have been more certain of my mutual reciprocation towards you. And today, we burden ourselves with so much that we've dragged along these months: the issue of exs, over-bustling with school, being untrue and dishonest, loving each other the wrong way (so we accuse each other), being there for no cause and no effect, changing the dire way, etc. The expectations we place at one another becomes overwhelming, and a love that flames a fire of all passion turns stale with redundance. Have we travelled 11 months to end up with unfruitful memories and gains? Maybe parting isn't a fuss anymore because we've been to fickle with our wants and needs, maybe losing a loved one will then prove a loved one's worth (and perhaps, existence). Maybe. Maybe I stopped typing in prose and riddles, because I am relenting to the unpleasant feeling of being lost without someone I've been so comfortable with for 11 months. I'm in awe of my unusual tolerance when I'm around you. Mistakes I foolishly did make, pain I did inflict, unconscious revenge you took, and discomfort I now feel from your awkward absence. There is so much to say that words do feelings no justice. Frangile closeted pieces of me are striked upon and ripped apart, and I cannot explain this with meer conjured churns. A cliched paragraphing of words to indite on apologies and what-ifs, but harping on it wouldn't do us much good because we have been through that cycle far too many times to remember the number of incidents this did occur.

Right this very moment, being apart from you seems a thousand miles away, and results in a loneliest me having pangs from missing you aching throughout my entire being. The memoirs of us were inscripted with honey and blood, and honestly, I cannot bring myself to put it all behind me and move on like it never struck on me. It is impossible for me to pretend that giving up on everything I held hopes for is now in a chute of hasty memories. I pinned escalated ambitions of spinning you up into the happiest being ever, reason being is that I have given my utmost in all I did for you. But I have failed my aims terribly and I am sorry for not living up to standards I myself set. I probably owe you thousands of apologies in every form and manner I can, but that will not be the remedy to felicity you genuinely longed for. A vocabulary of repent wouldn't soften the delicate side of you because I have done so much harm that you have turned numb towards me.

With much said, I am finally admitting to my mistakes and yours too. Denying myself of all positive thoughts because positivity is denial if it isn't real. It is nothing else but love and happiness I hope and pray for you, from today on. If I cannot provide for you what I should and wanted to, it is only right that you search ahead, for future endeavours, adventures, love, happiness, passion and truth. The riches of this world tastes so much better with someone exclusive who will appreciate the goodness in the suckle. It is not within my rights to stop you from being what you will, but by freeing you from someone who never deserved you. I am sorry, for being the worst that I could have been, for hurling meanest remarks at you, for being insensitive/over-sensitive towards your feelings.

I love you and always have, for a year or so. It has been the longest ride of my life. I thank you, for showing me what being on a journey with someone special is all about. I hope you comprehend the overwhelming depth of my words. And lastly, I will be here right by you, for now, for always.