Currently undergoing the process treatment of Banana Boat's Sunless Tanning Lotion, since baby generously gifted it to me sometime this week. She's purchased a bottle for herself too. Together, we screened Ice Age 2 the movie. There was a couple of scenes and characters which resembled her immensely.

Pay's arrived in my bank account, which means I can now schedule my hair appointment. She and I are contemplating on colouring the same shades. The thought of it really exhilerates. Retail therapy's set on this Sunday, which doubles the adrenaline rushes because I have so much I desire to splurge on at the moment. It will be our sixteenth months of get-together this second April; how much life is settling down in one aspect. She agreed to accompanying me for the Design Diploma Show, which triples the happiness.

At a random void deck, we were holding a lost-and-found heart-to-heart conversation, which really soothed my insecurities partially. Reminiscing on the honeymoon phase in the fresh months of our relationship, I really miss so much of what has been lost. However, I'm throwing in my best shot regardless of whether honeymoon period will return or not; only because my baby's exclusive. Pardon me for my digression.

"I can get to know many girls. I can go out with girls. It's not that I don't want us to quarrel. I just don't want it to affect you because I know it would."

Nimiety of the undone burdens; faith, imprisoned. Down under, the recesses of those dungeons trap sturdiness of strong and standing feet; retaining release. Long-time sweethearts droven to woeful bouts of tears; life-long marriage vows shortened to a temporary gesture of infatuation. Jubilation spells the past of two forlorn lovers, beautitude was a glory of numerous yesterdays. Enchanting tales scripted from a vivid scope of imagination runs in the ghettos of reality. Oublie, the ever near yet far cherish.

Insecurites are misting multitudes of fear; it's written all over my face. You're feigning ignorance, aren't you?

A guardian she clothed her role in, safeguarded her feeble mortal from tainting aglow. Eleven flights up and across, with the rim of her cigarette ashing while witnessing eccentric faux pas at the other side of where affinity was marked. Serenity she put forward in her act of selflessness, abode she made my heart's rest at.

Heartfelt gratitude, with wings of sails and depths of genuity.

//

This is going to be an arduously long entry only because I have so much to rant and rave about.

Family drama hit the records yesterday. Nique and I are back together and that makes me a fucking happy woman. I bet that bitch knows how much I love her by now (oh ya, thus explaining the paragraph and one line above). I was fortunately accompanied by MJK (does it in Nique's slang) throughout the two days during domestic warfare. She was watching me from the opposite block last night, which gushed back tonnes of memories from our earlier months of get-together.

Monday and Tuesday, I've been working on a fucking preloader for fastidious employers and clients. Double that! Well, at least MJK soothes some of the pressure I've been receiving from every end.

Animal-abuse. Visit this link (Warning: Not for the feint-hearted. And I bet Nique will fucking spit profanities to me after she sees this.)
http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237

Viewed it? Seriously, shock is brimming in me. I am enraged. What the fuck is wrong with this asshole? Why, she's even wearing leopard's skin. Wonder if she trampled the leopard to gory death too. Fucking retard.

Am in such a mood to implode into swears and curses. Menstrual cramps just do not complement with fatigue and stress. Currently really missing MJK and feeling so foul from the tiredness I'm wearing. I love you Nique.

Tossed black coins, bound by habitual expectations. Colourfully adornments paint cold expressions with a splash of sight's astonishments. Fear, ever timidly curtained behind by guards of facades. Angels vanish in howls of white surrender, abandoning all needy of them on earth. A place, where love ices next to a bonfire; a den, where love is unrequited.

Home is where the heart is. So they proclaim. Venial are blemishes of humanity, unexcusable are the cruel. Hers she keep, her lacuna. Home is nowhere found.

A ticket, in frivolous search for utopia. Keen faces she reconciles her soul with; familiar recallings she sanes herself to; felicity she bubbles herself in. Exploxions of daffodils and roses hug her at the ray of daylight, dulcet crickets and floating fireflies dancing to their proudest talents just for her.

Repel the infliction from her swollen eyes, lift the suppression within her tight chest, kiss her uptight chiselled lips, embrace her incessant fears, lead her where she needs to be, forgive her for past bad-doings and most of all, be her sturdy pillars against the break-upon of a tidal crash. Loved ones, provide her strength. Lord, grant her strength.

Everything hurts so much now. I don't know how long my tolerance will endure this ordeal. I'm on the shelf, whilst you're down there choosing between the other alternatives from the shelf. You're the only one I believed in settling down, marrying, building a home together with, bearing children for, growing old with and a lifetime promise. You used to need me to share the same vision with you. I've fallen so hard and deep, and I really want it with you. Now, I don't know if you need me to believe in that. My heart's smudged with pain, can't you tell? My eyes are swelling from fatigue, doesn't it ache your heart? My emotions are faking in front of you because I'm afraid, aren't you in worry? Why did you have to break it to my face in anger that you regret this 15 months and that you hated yourself for loving me? How did things end up like that? Why do I need you, whilst you're needing to be alone? Why can't you just tell, that I've been trying my best to amend for my mistakes, and not to hurt you? How do you feel when you say things that pains me? My mind's in a whirlpool of irony and contradiction, don't you want to be with me always?

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

I love you
I need you
I want you
..the way I do

Monotony interludes against time. Wrongdoings become condemned as unredeemable, they thrust the forgiveable into taboo's territories. Any amount of genuine compensation will be doubted as credulous. We all seek different forms of solace. The family living next to ours discover domestic security in mandarin drama serials; my dad pursues relief in gambling with his mates. Unbelieveably, my solace is disoriented, caused by uncountable factors between sometime then and now.

A wholesome family is all I've desired for. Perhaps, not my biological family; perhaps, it will fulfill in my fully-etched relationship with Nique in time to arrive; perhaps, nothing will ever head the ideal way I carved. The political mindset inculcated from family-building has scarred my perfect vision of a happy family. I used to hold faith in the spiritual being, conserving the hope that time and love changes everything.

I know not the point of this entry. In fact, all that's be written seems like gibberish. I'm just praying for the old couple to forgive one another and that he'll take things in stride to recuperate as quickly as he can.

2002, Miss Chai performed a duet in special dedication for Marion. 'Love Me' by Colin Raye. As she tuned herself to this fine melody, many on the floor were still mourning; hearts still clamped with biting emptiness and shock. Death's still so painful.

Today as I listen to this number, a bitter-sweet sensation chokes my thoughts. A seed of allowance is stuck at my throat, and I don't want to cry. Still, I miss you.

I can't count the days since I let myself permit back to old times, when you once existed here. You were the best kind of friend anyone could wish for, and I'm thankful for all that I'm granted. Things might take a three-sixty turn if you were here, if only you were here.

Because I can't seem to pick myself up. Takes more than words to describe how badly I wish things were different.

Great! The day is through with this flash animation for RedHat.com. I'm famished, considering I survived on a sandwich today. Off to meet NC in a few minutes. Almost fully done with the designs for NC's new blog template. 'Fucking asshole'. Pay day's supposedly on Monday. I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't delay later than that.

I love you baby.

Swerving into an ambiguous thing called a relationship marks one at a spot of multiple risks. You place yourself at radiating propellers and anticipate much uncertainties, with no defined resolution to every situation and cirumstance. Something called Life crushes you like a serpent under a saint's foot, allowing struggle and helplessness to consume on the diet of hope you're surviving on. Living is hard. It always is. Trials and tribulations are presented under your nose at almost every tick of your life, but The One above is stingy about the good things he distributes. Unhappy montages are always recalled to be more vivid and unforgettable, whereas felicity facilitates in a blur (but are also memorable). Routines run in a cycle of monotony.

So I know the girl that brightens my world is on the verge of an emotional and physical Titanic (its fall). If it helps, I'd like to be the one to shelter some of the downpour from whichever side she's at.

To You,
Your pain overwhelms me with fear and uncertainty. I have never been to the extent of feeling as forlorn as you over one particular problem, but I'd like to share this remembering experience. There is no You, no I, it just spells Us. See how that fits so nicely into a sentence assembled by simple words. As much as you'd wish to be there for me to tide me over through this family and financial crisis, I'd like to ditto that. Collapse in my arms and seek refuge in whining to me. I'll do anything for you but leave you storming through this alone. Cheer up and smile. I love you so much.

P/S, We'll take a trip down to Temasek Design School and I will buy you Breaded Chicken with Nacho Cheese.

Besides my girlfriend, the only other thing keeping me sane and slightly more rejuvenated is internet radio. However, the girlfriend's not in the most pleasant of moods so I should just stick to internet radio.

The dark, gloomy, pouring weather is causing much hestitation and procrastination if I should walk a bit more to the hawker centre because I am craving for sliced fish soup.

Nothing's really helping. Life doesn't make much sense (got this phrase from 3 Doors Down's Away From The Sun). The only thing spinning sensibility is my girlfriend, who acts up sometimes too. Apart from that, I feel so screwed but the reasons are all subconscious. Can't piece them up.

Lunch was atrocious. Weather still glum. Still tuned in to internet radio. Drifting into semi-conscious sleep while typing. Black Eyed Peas' Pump It is a really stupid song. I switched Winamp off and change my listening taste to my own collection of songs. I wonder if NC misses me. A devastating track keys into mind (Ai Wo Hai Shi Ta). Supposed to be working on a new website interface but I'm really too tired to get my butt down to doing it. I've not been fatigued all the time; I undergo constant long days and short nights. I'm wondering if NC will reply my texts. Somewhere in my stuck tiredness, my heart feels weighed. Everything I'm working for seems to be sailing away from me. Then again, maybe I'm just indulging in the emo-ness while it's at its climax of melodramatism.

I wish all of you would look at me try my best so I wouldn't have to face mean accusations for being such a good-for-nothing all the time.

Ray J - Anytime
Yeah you know what this is
You granted all my wishes
And damn it im gon miss it if we fade away
I don't wanna be down
Lovin' you I have found
Girl I want u around
Always

Don't you believe that
Nobody needs you cuz I do
I need all of you baby
If u can see that
Nobody needs you like I do
I need all of you baby

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Oh, ain't no need for frontin babygirl I believe
And everything u doin shorty know this
You play a real big part in
Keepin' me on my feet
And I love u so much i won't blow this

Don't u believe that
Nobody needs u cuz I do
I need all of you baby
If u can see that
Nobody needs u like I do I need all of u baby

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Ain't no way ill ever be thru with u
Baby let me know if we can make it
Cuz i wanna be there, baby can i be there?
Anywhere i dont care

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Girl, whenever im down I think of u to lift me up
And if u ever need a friend
If you ever need someone to talk to
I'm right here
I'll never leave
I love you

Edit//5:32pm
For the whole day, I've been nothing but listless. My whole body is limp from the lack of sleep. My ear phones are destroyed (thanks to me, myself and I) and I'll need to get them replaced or you'll always find me asleep during work. Yay for me, because I'll be meeting NC really soon. We've been hanging out a lot at Boat Quay's Coffee Bean (can't help it since it's so near my workplace).

I bet the term 'School' is refreshing for NC since her pioneer semester at SIM will commence in the first week of April. How soon is that. This equates to me having measly amount of time with her. My days are going to be absolutely so lonely.

Interface, interface, interface; one after another. I'm on the brink of dozing off and raging into a fit in my sleep. Life gets so restless when there's nothing new to do everyday. My pack of nicotine's with NC so I've been deprived of proper breathing for god-knows-how-many-hours.

I love you NC!

Being the guy-crazy and idle bitch Dana is, she came up with this. Hahaha!!!



I was attempting to churn out a few paragraphs by 6pm. Well, it's 6pm!