I'm beginning to frighten my own guts by questioning if I can persevere in this crisis of the struggle of my fittest control over myself. Yesterday, I planned the most wondrous date I've ever planned, with much hope that sincerity can be transmitted once and for all so that she would someday stop saying "you don't love me" (and sound like she means it) and realise that change is already apparent and I am indeed pumping best shots to fuel into this flame. It injects more fatigue into my will when school and work intercepts like a train crash. Honestly, coping is difficult and I would really like to be juggling both without facing tremendous confusion. Keane isn't really helping by crooning repeatedly that it's 'just a bad dream' because bad dreams are the ones that implement consistently and no, it is not 'just a bad dream'.

This morning, I woke up feeling destroyed. I wish I could further elaborate on what that ruins me this fine day but I can't because this is another circumstance whereby I foresee people plant judging comments onto me. I can only start by telling you that my pockets are dry even though I have just been issued a cheque of $307.05, which obviously has not been processed and hence, me being penniless. I need friends to stop being selfish and understand that paupers do not play it's-ok-you-can-pay-me-back-tomorrow games. I need new resolutions but I can't see how I can stick to them because time is really something I'm lacking. I need to stop feeling destroyed every morning I wake up to.

I hope you get to read this before I eventually modify it. Bad english, bad day, bad orientation, 'bad dream'.