We were holding hands and walking in circles. He seemed to have almost attained nirvana with goals of his designated destinations, while the best I could accumulate of myself was a sense of sheer loss. It's one whereby confusion fuses in with loss and the actual emotion of feeling lost. My destination was grasping safety onto his protective hands and his destination was a million miles further from where we stood that very moment. Travelling wayward numbed the whole of my sculpt and aimlessly, I tailed his trails, sending desperate prayers for a better facade of expressions. The lights captivated their spots upon us as we wrapped ourselves with woolen sweaters and laughter. My books had not known this face and anticipation drove me ragingly insane but I could not do anything than to smile, seeing the look of glee spilt all over this perfect man's frame. Nothing within me mustered enough boldness to even speak to him with my eyes. It was strangely subtle and undramatic and very unlike myself. I took it as a good thing but I'm not so sure I'll say the same in time to come.
The moments we saved with precious care were beyond value. They were the kind of moments only you could personally identify and rectify with for the rest of your life, the kind that settles you in full contentment of where time stood, and the kind that makes you feel immobilized with an eternal surge of remarkable bonding family ties. And time can do many wonders as it holds ability to carve out damage. More and harder than I've ever prayed, this is a prayer of endurance and faith, for me and for us. The beast of my battles is the one of fearing ambiguity.
Unspoken love is the one that consumes most bitter and we're not like that. We are jolly and happy being jolly. You can't describe love, now can you. His love, our love, is the solid ground that gravitates me from floating too deep into the abyss.
How do you leave something so beautiful behind, and how do I let something so beautiful go?
I'll always remember the way our hands look and feel whenever they are in one another. Instilling the memory of it reminds me of how worthy this love is and how far we have gotten to just give it up in a wink. It is my wish to be in this bubble of security and it is my wish for you to be happy no matter where you are and no matter what you do. I love you and I'll love you until the end.