She stood her ground like a man yet held me with a woman's overwhelm. Strangest control. Her bewitching philosophies blasphemed all of my hopeful dreams and ambitions. She pursed and pouted her lips with petty series of tantrums, and her prize was my captured adoration. God gave her the most amazing smile; to charm, hypnotise and change a woman as wretched as me. She laid her fingers along my piano and I became the teacher who learned to love. Words, plenty she lured me deep with. I dived into these sweet nothings and still discover myself drowning from time to time. Phantom, we bestowed with stinging empathy onto her. A title, a name, that smeared the joy she used to wear. She was my life's throbbing irony, but her love was beautiful, beyond answered prayers. Pierces of ambiguity wouldn't suffice or redeem the sorry circumstance we've landed ourselves into. This stain of distrust, it never started to hurt and it didn't hurt when it started. We were once plain and simple; we became Phantom and Cristine, oh yes, just like them fools of lust and love and all the passion words spoke of. Dis-involving still seems far from feasible.

Not knowing if I'd ever fall forever in a smile again, draws me into this box. And fear is my dominant emotion.

I'm still wretched. Please forgive me.

Casio angels. I'm desperately dying to purchase these!

Kindly inform me if you've seen it around locally, especially the square-faced ones.

So it was a sunny sunday before a gray-skied monday. It was also the day that Lumix FX2 made its comeback.





























Now, back to facing the comical episode of daddy buying two tubs of ice cream - vanilla with chocolate chips and chocolate with chocolate chips. My indulge is without hesitation or doubt.

Nevermind our sailing ships of farewells; nevermind if all good's come to a final naught; nevermind the days we wasted warring indifferences at our defences and fragility; nevermind if love has stopped serving as reason to forgive and forget; nevermind the promises of affinity concluding before life does.

The point is, you were mine, and in memories you are mine to keep, now and always.

Thank you for having me and for having loved me.

April was swell.









Hello May, hello to turning 21.

"Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop."

Today overspills with myriads of emotions. It has to be the movie. Contentment has to come by this easily, with a social detachment and my world stitching to a surreal fondness. The rain came and went, coagulating remnants of bittersweet tauntings. I sat here, fragile, with my heart in my fingers, pondering on the lines of words I ought to come up with to sum up this strangely soothing day. Somehow, I can empathise with you when you tell me "pain is comfort and comfort is pain". You have thus, turned me into you.

Phantom.

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down



God, Father, tonight, I pray for every soul of this human race to be happy. Happy; tonight, I'm not like that at all and there are billions who are just like me. Send and cover us weak people with your grace and loving.

The long awaited 21st birthday wishlist!

• Canon IXUS 80 IS (I reeeeeally want this!)
• Lumix DMC-FX55, in silver
• iPod Nano in red
• LG KU 990 Viewty
• iPhone
• Any DSLR (2nd hand also can)
• What about a birthday prelude? A Lumix FX2 charger. My grandma lost mine and now I can't use the camera.

We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do not know what to do, but we do not give up the hope of living. We are persecuted, but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but we are not destroyed.

Corinthians 4:8-9

[1]The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want. [2]He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters [3]He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake [4]Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. [5]Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemes; thou annointest my headwith oil; my cup runneth over [6] Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. and I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.

Psalms 23


All of us will someday, one day, rest in the abode of our Lord. He will embrace us into His Kingdom. Do not mourn, for she rests in the arms of her guardian angels. Worry not, about the difficulties you face. Faith and love will carry you through storms and downhills. For what it's worth, know that I am here, just as our Lord always. Weep, but don't grieve too long, for physical loss is temporary. Genuine prayer breeds faith. I prayer for the Lord to instill strength in you, to overcome barriers from moving ahead in the life He has granted you. Though I may anal towards you more than often, deep down, I love you very dearly little sis.

As for Potato, I hope you cheer up and that the company tomorrow would shine a little light into your dark days. Setbacks are meerly lessons that teaches us to never repeat mistakes along those routes. Life's about trial and error. Love takes nobility and a heart of gold to forgive, love is not selfish, love is pure, loving means giving without expecting returns and loving always hurts at one point or another. It's only human of you, and of all of us in this human race, to dive into the bottomless abyss of dejection. You ruin the negativity, don't allow the negativity to ruin you. Again, faith. You have me.

No words required. These are my days of late.