Yahoo. I'm typing in the multimedia lecture class. We're having a 15 minute break but apparently it's already way past 15 minutes. Maybe it's just an excuse for the lecturer to slack off his last hour of lessons with us. (I'm so bitchy*). Okays he's back. Blog laters. Miss ren so much!

8:01pm
I'm home, and the mother just informed me that the wind had blown violently into my room this afternoon, and unfortunately my CK1 was close to the edge of the container of the cabinet. And so ploop, it dropped and smashed onto the ground, with no remaining perfume left. *heart smashes as well* Ahh, my CK1. Okay I shall quit brooding over that, and get on with what I have to say. I had presentation just after basic video break, but before that I went to jupiter cafe's to meet Kay and Stace and their friend. Didn't talk to Stace though, just said a casual hi and bye. You know, those sort of things. Then Nique messaged me, saying that she saw my sister at the stadium (don't know which stadium though). But Kay gave me this indirect warning, that this particular SOMEONE has been badmouthing me and feeling sour because some of my relationship with my friends have been patched. That someone, I hope your conscience is pricked, cause if not, fuck off from my life.

Anyhows, the presentation went on well although I was dead-nervous, so nervous til my hands turned icy. Ingrid offered some chocolates to calm me down. Joe was giving me moral support all the way. My first presentation with so much support. Thank you Ingrid, Pris and Joe! Anyways, everybody didn't have much comments, which implemented a good sign because that would been that I had fulfilled all the requirements needed for the assignment. I'm positive I did fairly well (at least) today. I'm be busy getting my C&E assignment done - the book cover design. I'm enjoying every bit of school. It's really been fun so far, although there's assignments adding on almost everyday. But it doesn't get better than this; a fulfilled lifestyle for my life and hard work to feel more achieved. I love school. I love ren more though.

Disappointed in everything I found out and then heard. Maybe I shouldn't prolong this broken relationship. Everything's just becoming more insecure as time goes by. Nobody tells me anything; it's only there for me to just discover. I do not wish to speak to neither you nor your friends who'll rush over to be your helping aid. Never have you done the talking out for yourself, it's always for me to find out, and brood over and get upset over. I'm not wearing a smile as I type this; I'm sick and tired of exposing the things you keep hiding from me. The vital points are those you keep, and the ones you open your cards up to are the general ones. It's a love-hate relationship we share, but the insecurity's building up and increasing way too rapidly. Mistakes are inevitable, but you know I fucking hate it so much when you veil everything and expect me to be happy with you keeping stuffs from me.

Nothing ceases. It's already bad as it is - the situation, but the mother's at my back reprimanding me for wrongs I didn't commit today. She's going on and on on matters that occurred long ago. And you - I just had to find out the things I did today. My mood's been detiorated, and I don't wish to talk anymore. We repeatedly talk things out, only to foolishly run a whole circle and return to the spot we were before. I don't being kept in the dark. And as my fingers contemplate on what to type next, I feel like bursting into tears, but naw, I'm keeping it all in me. It's when I'll isolate myself that I will show who I really am. Isolation will help adapt to the new changes I see in myself, and in you. I'm not the only one who's changed, I realised, because you have, too.

I was setting myself comfortable on the floor in my room, doing what assignments I was left with. Maybe I really shouldn't have done what I did, but I did anyway. After browsing through your personales in your phone (which I really shouldn't have), I found out something you 'forgot' to let me know. You were staying at Sham's place next week onwards. Good lord, fuck. Sham had something going on on you. Fuck, I think nothing else needs to be said.

Here's to you.And here's to me.

I really hate scumbags who are so insistent on introducing guy friends to me. I have my own free will and choice, and I will pick my own guy friends, none of your fucking affair to stick your noses in and try 'matchmake'. That's an action that's truly detestable.

Audio essentials' confusing but fun. Slacked around school for around 3 hours. Waiting for my bee to come home so that I can talk to her properly without being interrupted. I miss bee. I'm afraid of the days when she starts work and won't have time to spare for me. I'm going crazy just missing her, but I doubt she'll get to read this cause she's out and she says she's not returning home tonight.

New photos taken at TP IMD

Out of the sudden, I'm having the urge to blog, when I just did so in less than 10 hours. The kitchen sketch screwed up real badly, so I'll take an attempt on it later when I'm back from lunch. First week of school only and I'm apprehensive of how I'm going to fare and how much more work I'll be expecting. And naturally, I'm dreading drawing fundamentals, only because I assume my drawing skills have detiorated.

The harsh living standards of this fucking society doesn't allow know-nothing freshies like myself to really spare more time thinking of anything else. I really would love to make more time for dating and other leisure activities, but by the time I'm finished with everything, I'm too worn out to get anything else accomplished. If I had the boldness and guts to say it, I'd tell my girlfriend that I need her as much as she needs me, that her presence, physically or spiritually, means tons to me. Each and everyday she's officially unemployed, I'm praying that she will clinch one soon.

And I love you.

Stuffs I bought today

At long last, I've finally gotten down to do some practical shopping. I've bought a pair of sneakers-cum-shoes and a 'mhad'-looking bag, although the 5B pencils did slip off my mind. Ren accompanied me shop throughout the entire afternoon even though I was strolling up and down the shopping centre. I kept hesistating about the bag and the shoes. Went Marche's to lunch. Had pizza with carnivorous toppings *sniggers. Ren had her hair cut, it looks weird, but it's definitely nicer than the previous hairstyles she had. Now I need go sketch my kitchen (Ronald's assignment). Miss everyone! Miss ahdi. Miss Ren lots.

Tia Boon Sim is a fucking bore (don't mean to seem loud here). She interupts everyone with her life tales, and suggests everyone continuing with their introduction. Finally got down to taking the pictures of my story, and I'm done and over with it. Now I'm left with 2 more assignments; what a bore. Ingrid, Priscelia and I lunched, then we met Ashraf. I insisited Ash and Priscelia to be my models since they both were so spontaneous. Ash is darn hilarious, especially when he begins mimicking the Sunraysia advertisement. It's identical to the advertisement. I'm going to be the monday's actress for Priscelia and Ingrid. Oh yes, and I found out Ingrid is PeiChern's godsister, after much suspicion and doubt. We all were slacking at our studios cause it was so hot outdoors. Some other seniors joined us, and CJ was walking around on the tables. I think she's seriously hot. Yays. No lectures nor tutorials til Monday. Jared and I took buses home together. He lives just 2 bus stops away from where I'm staying. Great. A new found go-home-by-bus kaki.

Supposedly meeting Bee today, but decided in the end not to since I was all the way in Tampines. I guess town will not be an often option to me after school as compared to in my secondary school days; since KC had a direct bus to town. Bee's going sun-tanning tomorrow at Sentosa's. We haven't been spending quality time together these couple of weeks, not at all. I'm afraid of losing the bond I have with her. She's at town now with Mer and Qifang, and she's going to meet that 'basket' psychotic manipulative boss of hers. I'll be heading for town tomorrow with Mum and Sis, and hopefully nobody crashes my plans, cause I honestly need to get a pair of shoes/sneakers/whatever-it-is-that's-not-a-slipper.

Lectures were alright today. Had Culture&Expressions in the morning, met Bee for lunch after the first lecture, and headed back to school in the afternoon for Drawing Fundamentals. Ronald is sickeningly overbearing initially, and his jokes are slap-stick. Ronald doesn't permit slippers/sandels or any footwear that's exposing the feet. I didn't realise, until now, that drawing's actually quite a tedious process. I hope I'll put what I learnt today to good practise. There's only Visual Literacy tomorrow from 9am-12noon. After that I'll be able to see my Bee.

There's this extreme noticeable trend that has drawned my attention - Dunks. Everyone's going gaga at the mention of dunks. Crazy kids. Anways, I bought a pair of earrings and shag-bands and a black diamond ear-stud. Tomorrow's more shopping! And time to unwind a little.

Happy first month baby, although I felt that you were bored out just now. I wish you were aware, that I never meant all those nasty gestures towards you. I love you, and every inch of me is aching for you. Here's to us. May we last for as long as we will. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow's little 'excursion' to town.

I'm still needing you//

Had 2 lectures today. Multimedia fundamentals, then basic video. Basic video was more fun; got to interact more with the groupmates. Lunched with Priscelia (I always thought this was the most unusual name I've ever come across) and Jason. Got this assignment; all of us have to this story from pictures taken in campus. Wahidah gave us disposable cameras to capture and develop the scenarios and models. Interesting first assignment I'd say. Chatting with Jared online now, feels weird of some sort chatting with more guys than girls lately - the influence of a mixed-gender school.

Met Wendy in the morning to go to school together. I guess we'll be doing much more of that. Only lecture today was story-telling. Lecturer's name was Andrew TooGood. All my groupmates were teasing his name - Too Good to be true. Lecturers give breaks so readily, they give half an hour of break at a go. Met Nash during the break, we had a homosexuality talk. Anyway, story-telling was to build up the fundamentals of story-boarding (or something like that). We did a few group exercises, he stressed that there has to be people of both genders in each individual group. I've had only a couple of lectures in two days, so it's one a day. Linus and I skipped the interact program with the seniors, we didn't see the necessity in attending it. Linus' got a nice smile, just like Alan.

Rights. After that I took a bus to the interchange for lunch at Macs, then I requested returning home after that. All that was on my mind was sleep then. Ren's out searching for job. I hope she's not too hard on herself; she's been so stressed out these couple of days. I just awoke from three hours of energy-recharging. Need to go doodle a bit; need to develop the habit of doodling any idea that pops into my mind. Let's see if I truly get down to it.

Everyone's in agony at this moment, and I'm at a loss of how to help anyone. The feeling's frustrating, and wish I could figure a way to come up with solutions to their problems. But I guess all these are parts and parcels of life, and they're inevitable. So many headaches and no answers to any of them. It does pain me to see the people I care for falling at their crosses. My cross isn't particularly heavy at the moment. It agonizes me to see the people I love to break apart. My girlfriend's in a huge mess, my endeared little brother is bothered by words of confusion and mislead. Everyone's explaining to me their plights, and I'm on the verge of breaking down. I hope they're aware that I love them both so dearly. I just want to be there as and when they require my presence, be it physically or spirtually. I'll keep everyone in my prayers tonight, I promise.

Anyways, school was fun today. Had audio essentials lectures. The lecturer was laughing at his own jokes; that's a trend-trait I find common in all the lecturers at school. Tomorrow's story-telling lectures. Wonder what that'll be like.

Love ren lots lots.

TP's Design school rocks the world! These 4 days of orientation churned out nothing but fun! Today there was water bombing; east VS west. East won, naturally and obviously. Gatsby guy (Kelvin from Tahoma) claimed the Freshman of Design School title. Unexpectedly, there was a water-shower chucked from all the other storeys up-to-down by the seniors. Must say I got quite close to Wendy, Joel and other girls. Triplex won the cheerleading competition! Wendy was going gaga over this particular butch; she was practically drooling, or some sort.

Now I'm dreading the start of school. Ren's staying over at my place tonight, finally! After not seeing her for so many days. I think I'll miss the orientation and its fun. Okays I'm so fucking lethargic. To bed I'm heading. Nights! Love all! Love ren.

Finally; time to blog. Been at school these two days for orientation. Got acquainted with many people, and when I say many, it's many. My hands were so full that I couldn't even come up with the time to even talk much to Ren. Was pretty surprised when I discovered that many people found homosexuality odd and were uncomfortable witnessing it, when it's so common nowadays in this society we're habitating in. I'm shagged to the bone. Orientation has been around 10 hours these two days, estimatedly 10 hours of playing, talks and fun.

I swear I miss my girlfriend so much. It's only been two days (yes, two measly days), yet I'm missing her like fuck. Found myself missing her so much this morning til I called her while she was sleeping. I think I disrupted her sleep but she was happy to receive my call. I seriously need sleep. So, goodnight all =)

I desperately need to be isolated before my fumes burst into an outrageous disaster. So this is what I get in return for trusting you with everything I felt. Nothing else left to say to you; so-called friend. Will go somewhere to let all the heat in me sizzle out. Love everyone. Love ren.

Ren's staying at my place for 2 consecutive nights. Something's terribly wrong with my cell; the phone's not informing me about missed calls. Made Ren accompany me to my grandma's too. She doesn't enjoy Hainanese food as much as I do. I need to go tanning at least once before school commences. The feeling of awaiting the start of school sucks. I miss everyone!

//i miss ren

I keep trying to offer help to everyone else, when my very own set of problems have developed and prolonged over these last 20 days and are unable to be solved. The only place I hide would be the refuge I seek in you. Awaited for your message to no avail last night. It's horrid, when someone else's name blinks on instead of yours. I wish we could clear things up before making up like we do always. I'll love you, I'll love you always.

I know I've mentioned this more than once in this blog, but : it's when silence is understood, nothing needs to be verbalised.

Will be meeting Ryan at 430pm later. Poor girl. I pray she'll take things on her stride and not sink into depression with the amount of devastating news she's been receiving in approximately 2 hours. Did nothing much today. Had McMuffins for brunch (Mum came home by the afternoon). I'm feeling too lazy to move actually. Better get my ass out of the computer-chair before I'm late. Ren's at work now and she's not free to chat on the phone, and I miss her. The 4 days 3 nights spent with her has made me so accustomed to her being right beside me at my beck and call. I miss her lame crap. Going to have my bath now, then to the malls I'm hitting! Take care everyone!

I'm finally home! I just spent 3 days 2 nights out with ren! First night was stayover at Daryl's. Second night was spent at Sam's place. There was coincidentally a blackout while I was bathing at Sam's house. The second 2 days were spent accompanying ren at work. Just had some food bought from Old Chang Kee's just now before heading home. I could hardly wait to reach home. Watched Duplex last night with ren and Sam. Darn, the movie's hilarious.

These 3 days 2 nights out have made me realise how much my family means to me; I actually felt lonely without them all even though I'm always grumbling and complaining about my family. I'm practically handicapped without them. That includes my poop; in fact I missed my poop the most. The feeling of being away for a day or two's good and thrilling, but I'll be homesick if it's any longer than that.

Someone teach me the way to lower my standards. It's sky-high that she'll soon probably find it difficult to breathe whenever I'm around. The only change will be that, it'll be for the other reason. Honestly, there were no expectations set at the beginning of all my loss. I haven't set any regulations nor rules to this game, yet you've made it so. No longer do I want to undergo the feeling of huge heaps of disappointments and worries. I can't think right; I can't shift my attention to anything else; then, paranoia takes control.

I coincidentally bumped into my girlfriend today while I was out with my family. It made me feel unexpectedly happy; I felt the contentment. Seeing her lifted this enormous weight on my chest off me. Yet now, the burden's returned. She's playing pool with her friends, and I'd rather her be next to me, so that I'd throw her every hug I'm so badly yearning to give. If only she could comprehend the depth of every word I've typed. Thing may not be the same then. Whatever it is, I miss my girlfriend.

Fuck. Everyone's getting on my nerves, moment after moment. I can just feel the bitch in me welling up to the surface. I think it's the piano tuition I'm expecting and the guilt I'm experiencing from NOT practicing efficiently for the past 2 weeks when all I'm left with is 3 months to skilfully pick up and master 3 pieces, each consisting of 6 pages of tiny 'beansprouts'. Call me if there's anything urgent. Otherwise, steer clear before I chew you right in your face.


9:45pm
Just watched Van Helsing and The Day After Tomorrow on VCD with my sister. The player died out on us after the first disc of Van Helsing. Sore throat and headache is affecting my whole self. I haven't the mood to do anything else but wait for ren's call or sms, but she's been busily occupied the entire day. Learnt to strum to a few songs on the guitar. Exciting! Yada yada.

Beach Rd, then Bugis, then movies (The Day After Tomorrow). Damn the movie was superb! I was taken aback by the overwhelming digital effects. Purchased this skirt, this small one, got it from a sale from $28.90 to $22.40. But ahren has taken it home by accident. Finally got my haircut today! Am unsatisfied with it. Going to the shop to get it modified and highlighted. Waiting for ahren's hair to grow so that together we'll go do it.