Usually when things have gone this far
People tend to disappear
No one will surprise me unless you do

I can tell there's something goin' on
Hours seem to disappear
Everyone is leaving
I'm still with you


Peter Bjorn And John - Young Folks

"All the beauty I thought lost in the world is in you and around you. When I am near you I no longer feel my being contracting and shriveling. This terrible fatigue which consumes me is lifted. This fatigue I feel when I am not with you is so enormous that it is like what God must have felt at the beginning of the world, seeing all the world uncreated, formless, and calling to be created. I feel a fatigue of the tongue seeking to utter impossible things until it twists itself into a knot and chokes me. I feel a fatigue at this mass of nerves seeking to uphold a world that is falling apart. I feel a fatigue at the feeling, at the fervor of my dreams, the fervor of my thought, the intensity of my hallucinations. A fatigue at the sufferings of others and my own. I feel my own blood thundering inside of me, I feel the horror of falling into abysms. But you and I would always fall together and I would not be afraid."

Under a Glass Bell; "Je suis le plus malade des Surrealistes" by Anais Nin

Happy birthday, Mummy. You've turned 50 now and this year, I'm wishing you something different although it's the same thing that's being said every single year since I've been growing up.

This year, I'm wishing you happiness and the love you truly deserve, even if it's to the extent of separation with him. I wish you strength, to overcome all these hardships because they will never end, not for you and not for me. I'm wishing you something you deserve, not something I wished for all along. I'm wishing you God and His blessings, his guidance and his hands to hold you when life strikes you brutally. I wish you peace, when fragility and loneliness gets around too much to be bore. I wish you the best love from your daughters, inclusive of myself, that they never forsake you, especially during times when you need them the most. I wish you family love, from your brothers and sisters, from the ones God have sent to watch over and care for you as their own kin. I wish you love, from all those who already do, and from all those who promised you to, and from all those who claim to. I wish you forgiveness, that you may forgive those who have contributed to harming and hurting and eventually changing you, forcing you into a path you did not choose. I wish you all the best things in the world that material cannot afford.

Yes, happy birthday Mummy. These are all that I want for you this time round, this year. I want you to do what is right for yourself. I need you to be happy. May age never fray you, and may birthdays always remind you of joyous moments of loved ones. May this birthday give you some indescribable sense of peace and contentment. May God show you hope, because there is so much hope everywhere. May God show you the right time, people and places to find hope.

I love you Mummy. I've never said it out loud and often take you forgranted, but there is no doubt that you are the most important woman in my life for you firstly, have given me the life.

Comm law paper has resulted me in an aching hand and a heavy bout of sleepiness. Immediately headed to Yishun to buy Baby lunch after my paper. He actually kept me company last night while I was revising for comm law.

Mummy gave Jerome and me a teppanyaki treat yesterday - her advanced 50th birthday celebration. The silliest thing happened, and that was me being choked by a codfish bone. It was the first time I was ever choked so badly, and it actually lasted until today.

3 down. Last one to go!

When you love someone, it is said that you love their strengths and their flaws - their plainness and their craziness, their celery-prisoned teeth and their monstrous blechs, their cocoon-shrivelled sleeping positions and their morning breath, their bad-made breakfasts and lunches and dinners. You love them for their delightful hype-filled moods and likewise you love them in their massive breakdowns, you love them (and look away from the speed meter) even when they're speeding on the highway and may end up killing you, you love them for the way ice cream stains the corners of their lips and you love them when they smear lipped-leftover ice-cream across your face, you love them even when they tell you in a thousand ways that you're imperfect and they mean it, you love them for the way their scent lingers somehow. Their fright for beetles adores you and you love the way you save them from fear, you love them for the way they let you protect them like they were exclusively yours infinitely, you love them more because you get scared that "goodbye" will be the next thing you say to one another, you love the way you reminisce about silly fights and you love the way you fight but know that you're madly in love. You love them for the way they leave cartoon post-its on your examination notes and you love re-looking at them. You love them although they've left you crying to sleep by yourself. You love them for the way they make you feel whenever you're both shopping for Christmas decorations and you love them for the way they pick the same pieces from the stores as you do. You love them even though they don't reply your messages, you realise you love them more whenever they do. You love the way you feel whenever you read past texts and feel fluttery all over again, you love to hate and hate to love the bittersweet tugging feeling at the heart everytime they're not there and you read these to sleep. You love attending Sunday masses with them and you love how proud you feel being next to them at church. You love beginning to love things you usually hated, because they change your perceptions and because their perceptions become yours. You love the way you love them, regardless of how trying circumstances and obstacles get. You love them, for who they exactly are although that's exactly the part that breaks your heart. You love them, knowing hurt will road your way eventually. You love them, knowing they are the ones who possess the ability to light a smile from your heart. So yes, it is said that if you love someone, you love with all overwhelming lack of care of what's going to end you up in in time. You love, unconditionally. You begin to live to love. Your heart no longer belongs to you and you know it at the back of any ABCs. You know you've loved, if it hurts; and if it hurts, you've loved.

These are risks that are eating inside me, but with every ounce of the being I am, I love you and I love you beyond all your shortcomings. You're not perfect, but neither am I, and that's probably how we fix each other. I am yours and you are mine.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone


I'm hooked onto this song. It's been on repeat, wherever I go, whenever I'm alone.

I need something heartfelt. I feel alone.

The only good thing about today is that I owned the paper, and not vice versa. The girl seated next to me in the examination hall fell completely asleep on her incomplete paper, after half an hour of attempting it.

The other good thing... well there isn't any.

Nice weather.

I must persevere. I must study. I must pass.

It's a low day, a very low day. When everything hits rock bottom, the only way to go is up. I think those are lies. Everything's a huge lie fabricated by delusional point of views.

I must look forward.

8 more minutes to my all-day awaited HK drama. It's 45 minutes off the books then it's back to them.

Jerome's fault. Now I'm craving for grape snow shake with pearls. =(

Well I said I didn't care about what you felt about me
Couldn't care less about what I said or done
I didn't mean it - its not what I meant to say
You know the truth is that I care
About what you think about me
Maybe too much, I've been puttin' on a front
I didn't mean it - and what I meant to say

Is you are incredible you are amazing
You blow my mind one of a kind
I'm having a meltdown
You are incredible you are amazing
But sometimes telling the truth
Is easier said than done,
"Don't leave baby" -
Now that's what I meant to say

Darius Danesh - Incredible


You're amazing, incredible, wonderful, beautiful and you are mine. (: I love you Mai Hui Jie.