I really wanted to love you, as long as this life would take me. You really broke my heart.

Relapse.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn/But that's alright because I like the way it hurts/Just gonna stand there and hear me cry/But that's alright because I love the way you lie

What we had seems surreal now, like it happened in dreams that prolonged for a year. You leaving left me limbless, and now that the rebuilding is progressing, memories stand flat. After all, you did leave me to fend for myself in the pain you hurled at me. Loving you was like being trapped on a sick cycle carousel.

Anger has exhausted sadness. My limit has been exhausted. I'm not an angry person, yet here I am, angry, so angry it feels so scornful.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even knows what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them those chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push pull each other's hair, scratch claw hit 'em
Throw 'em down pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
I guess that's why they call it window pane

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
I told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna

Eminem featuring Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie

Being in love with you was so painful, but it was real because it was painful. I love you, but all you want of me, is to unlove you.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

A Fine Frenzy - Almost Lovers


A beautiful poem, crafted into a suicide lullaby.

"...Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave."

-Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

If this corrects the definition of a soul mate, my heart nods in agreement with regards to a certain special someone who has taken his flight. He was my best friend, he was my joy, and he was a teacher who gave me invaluable lessons on how painful love is love at its strongest.

He was the first that I have ever loved this unconditionally, through thick and thin. Soon it would stop hurting, and I would know that I would love him in an unconscious pledged secrecy. The quietude carries a strange whift of solace that sweeps over me like a feint membrane, in which my inner state is conscious is knowledgeable to the truth that I would forever love this man in my little ways. I bear no grudge or fault toward this man I love. The reasons behind this dramatic abandonment will someday cease to hold any matter or repetitive resonance. I'm always going to miss him, and I'll always relate thoughts of him for the fonder win. This time, it's different. This man, he's different.

Remembering how I'm always telling him that he would never find another girl who would love him as much as I did, I failed to ever let him know that I could never love a man as much as I loved him. It would not be that I wouldn't, shouldn't or don't, it would be that I couldn't.

There is a time for everything. A time for happiness, a time for sorrow, a time to laugh, a time to cry, a time to be reborn, a time to grief. But there is no time to ever stop loving truly.

Relationships 101: You will fight. Fight all day, fight all night. That’s all you will EVER do. And that’s the important part. Because you’ll realize that no matter how different you are with each other, no matter how you hate each other’s guts, you decided to meet in the middle and try to keep it together. Fighting is the sole proof that you love each other. Because when you stop fighting, you stop trying and when you stop trying, you just shrug it off and stop caring and you stop loving.

-http://irrationalrecipes.tumblr.com

My appetite finally returned today, after going on an unintended hunger strike for the past 4 days. I've lost quite a bit of weight during the small span of these days. My friends are telling me I'm becoming skinny way too fast and they're afraid for me. My sleeping ability is still warped, but I've been feeling very tired today as compared to the past few days (of restlessness and paranoia). All I'm thinking about is still him but it's become more sane today. I was able to be occasionally distracted from those thoughts though. I still miss him. I still miss him so much.

I loved you more than I loved anything about my life. So what went wrong? Why did you leave again?

Plagued with dictionaries of mixed emotions and the very core of the epitome of restlessness, facts of existence knife into my bubble that although love is all-beautiful and perfect, the change of love itself is unreversibly stabbing. It accompanies hereth, until the clocks shut down as you know it.

Love. I love you. One day, someday, today, it became a matter of having loved. It's not good enough, because if you have ever loved, you would have always made that a reason to never walk out. And you left. You left and you left, till the numbers ceased to discover their point in numerics. You made that a priority of a former, and you always made an effort to create options. I was not only an option, I was always worth the latter of the choices.

I have loved, and I loved you the most. I loved the boy with the beautiful conscience. As for now, I believe I have been in love with a ghost for a long time.

"Some boys feel they need to love a thousand girls, but a real man knows how to love one woman a thousand ways".

I've missed you, excruciatingly.