We used to be happy, yet now, I can't seek happiness because I know not where to find it. My thoughts burdened, my eyes tired from crying. Why does money have to be the most important root to my joy? You have shared fragments of my past, and I yours, but there were pieces that were never picked up. Jaded, and lost, I'm undecided if I should stay, or leave. The reasons for staying and leaving seem distant and vague, but persistent. Stress builds in like the beating of my heart thumping in my head - constant and annoying. Life lies still bittersweet, with illusions instilled to beautify visions of it; so short-lasting, so short-lived. As time washes like the sands on shore, so will promises engraved deep in our hearts. Dramatic; we will someday look upon it, and find ourselves laughing and crying at nostalgia. Then, how pain turns into bitter smiles.

I can still smell the aroma of innocence, somewhere in my memories.

At 18, I thought I'd be geared up to take on mountains of problems, but I'll swallow my perceptions of this matter. I used to be able to pick flowers in the morning to greet eggs and soya bean milk for breakfast, now breakfast is passe. Why is it, that parents always tell their children to look upon their recklessness and carelessness as pointers for their mistakes? I don't spit luxury at the tip of my words but expectations are always there to chain me down. I can't afford the promises that I make, to make things lighter for us, to make the world seem a little rounder so that our love could revolve around it. Outside the window, I see other closed windows. And when at the outside that I see from the inside, sometimes things look more beautiful, and other times I'd wish I'd gone back inside.

Thoughts are just thoughts. I don't seem to live my thoughts but all my life and living, I spend them in my thoughts.

Just like reality, I'm not as wonderful as you make me out to be.

Check out my new visual obsession; sizzling sexiness. Ethan Hawke; starring in Dead Poets Society, Hamlet and Taking Lives.

At last, back is the camera, but another of its series. Proudly presenting from today on, the much-spoken-of long-awaited Panasonic Lumix FX2. By the way, I found out that FX2 was facing out as well. It's really sleek and extremely portable. Anyway, you wouldn't believe who I saw at Funan just now. Mum and I were walking behind this butch when mum said," alamak, this fella looks like Joyce". I trudged a few more steps forward only to realise that it was Daren that she noticed. Now, mum wants to go to church to pray for Daren's soul.

Next I need a job to compensate and make up for all the unnecessary expenditure I've been causing. From a four-digit amount in my bank, it has been reduced to a three-digit sum. In addition to that, I desperately need to buy a handbag.

A two sandwich diet I went on today. Hope all the resisting of temptation will pay off before school reopens.

My PC's Altec Lansing left speaker has finally resumed operations, thanks to my magical hands. New plans for today - heading down to Funan IT mall to get my Panasonic Lumix FX2, but the weather doesn't seem to permit me from doing so. The sun refuses to shine where I go.

Guilty I am, for all the things I've done against others. Guilty I am, for breaking my parents' hearts.

Yet again, I have responded instantly to Tia's school-promoting calls, and two schools were toured by me; estimatedly 40 students altogether. Contemplating if I should even step out of the house tomorrow. 5/6 of H5 has finally gotten together to chill out together this evening.

Nique, I miss you.

New template! Theme of design, IPod.

Today, I realised I'm extremely unfamiliar with HTMLs; been so complacent with dreamweaver and graphics that I totally left HTMLs out of my to-learn list.

So turn up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in too deep
Now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away, so let me slip away
So let me slip away, so let me slip against the current

Vindicated
I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now
The things you swore you saw yourself

I can never forget the wonderful melodies the bagpipes play. Listening to bagpipe tunes always reminds me of a happier place outside this world. But that's not the point. My spirit lightens and somewhat floats at the sorrowful nature of the instrument itself. I've always wanted to visit Scotland to watch the countrymen blow bagpipes in their cotton wrap-arounds, despite everyone reminding me about the Loch Ness Monster.

Violins, how they blend in to complement the sound of the bagpipes so perfectly, how you'll always discover violin parts among the bagpipes. How the sound of the violins makes you ponder on your childhood. How the bagpipes remind you of subtle sorrow.

And how the chill in a rainy day seems a little warmer now.

Easter Day only is enjoyable in the morning when all the activities are lined up and pre-arranged. But after mass, everything just resumes to the way it was always before. The three had an open discussion last night, and I'd say it resulted smoothly. At least issues have been voiced out, and there's a more vivid understanding of each other now. Anyhow, Happy Easter to all.

Dig this.