Today was the day of the funeral, after 5 days of the wake at 133's void deck.

He loved her, we all could tell. They were inseparable, by glue of heartfelt vows. She loved him more, her life and its plans proved them. It was good while it lasted but now, he's on his own. It was the moment for final words, before she would be immortalised to ashes. He laid the white roses against her clasped hands. The scarlet rosary rivered down her stomach, just like the fragrance of flowers that flooded the wooden void that kept her body. He said nothing and resumed pretending on complacency. She was still present, she was still visible and within sight.

The cohort headed to the viewing mall. She was 8 feet away from him. He had already missed his final chance at reaching out to touch her. He placed his palms against the glass panel and imagined her never going away. The lacquered teak box now gravely rolled towards the furnace. Soon, she would vanish forever.

His eyes darted with dreaded anticipation. Tears began to apple his throat. His chest bobbed with hysteria. But the coffin didn't stop nearing the oven.

He gripped onto his rosary and silently spoke to her. He didn't bat a blink, fearful that a split second would steal away his wife, his confidante, his best friend, his everything.

The Door opened. Sprinkles of gasps could be heard. Some broke into desperation of tears.

Then we watched him squat down, in utter helplessness and sorrow. His pain washed his face, his loss expressed in his lack of physical control. He couldn't imagine the tomorrows without her. Nearly three decades of togetherness, now cruelly broken by her body's nature.

The coffin still rolled very solemnly and slowly, in between The Door now. Just as it was almost done with its final journey of bidding metaphoric farewells, he broke out.

"Nana, we all love you. Nana, I love you".

We clearly heard. Most of us were breaking apart, witnessing the separation.

I cried a bitter one and mumbled to God in chants of,"It should not be this hard. It shouldn't. Lord, You can do better than this to ease his pain."

So you see, there will always be a name that leads your life, one that your existence revolves around; one that follows suit with every breath you make. Her name was his and his was hers.

I wish I could tell you, that your name arose like flipping pages of a beautiful memoir. His pain was real to me.

Temasek Design School Camp Radical 2007 - Sabotaging of freshies.

I kept still in a silenced posture. Her frail sculpture lacked motion, and the quietude was deathlike. Her soulmate sat close by, allowing her to lean her shrunken self onto him. Reflections were swimming through my mind as I ransacked the youth I have relished and am remained with. My innards were brimming with flashes of the future and what I imagined it to be. My future consisted of many beautiful things, family and benovalence being the two most treasured parts of it.

There, thieves of serenity stepped into the room that was embalmed with prayer. Their entrance disrupted the tranquility that calmed the holy state of intercession.

Her bodily temple was ruptured (by medicinal cure (mark the irony of it)), so was the humanity that belonged to the hyenas surrounding her. When you pray for someone, you help ease their burden and illuminate the dimness.

All they needed to do was to respect kinship. But that alone, they couldn't graciously accept to accomplishing.

Everything that has taken occurence this week chalks significance and it's scary, because I have too much that I cherish and love to bear any loss.

Life has battered me so sore.

Everybody, let's say it together,"WE LOVE CONTRABAND CIGARETTES!".

Now you know about my strawberry Pocky secret.

I'm running my fingernails along the cracks of my mistakes. They graze deeper into an already inflicted wound and remind me to reminisce. Complacency sets in as an uninvited califare and becomes a convenient facade. But I'm trying, in every minute of consciousness, that I should never look back.

Azie my Chill Pill
You've got this look I can't describe. You make me feel I'm alive. When everything else is so au fait, without a doubt you're on my side. Heaven has been away too long; can't find the words to write this song. Now I have come to understand the way it is, it's not a secret anymore. Because we've been through that before. From tonight I know that you're the only one. I've been confused and in the dark. Now I understand.

First there was the one who challenged all my dreams and all my balance. She could never be as good as you. I'll be there as soon as I can but I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before.

Let's go home this Friday.

Cheryl Cayla Lim my BF
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied. Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs. If there's no one beside you, when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark.

So stay with me. You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry. And you forgive me again. You're my one true friend.

The good old days, the honest man;
The restless heart, the Promised Land
A subtle kiss that no one sees;
A broken wrist and a big trapeze

It’s funny how you just break down
Waitin' on some sign
I pull up to the front of your driveway
With magic soakin' my spine

The teenage queen, the loaded gun;
The drop dead dream, the Chosen One
A southern drawl, a world unseen;
A city wall and a trampoline

Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Before you go
Tell me what you find when you read my mind

Slippin’ in my faith until I fall
You never returned that call
Woman, open the door, don't let it sting
I wanna breathe that fire again

She said
Oh well I don't mind, you don't mind
Cause I don't shine if you don't shine
Put your back on me

The stars are blazing like rebel diamonds cut out of the sun
When you read my mind

(:

-

Cute song!

Tuesday

• Job hunt
• Pay $200 fine
• Replenish cosmetics
• Smoke more

Wednesday

• Date with _____!

Thursday

• Tanning with Jen baby!

Friday

• Crashing final regata plus jam and hop!

Home Club, after its newly-did renovations.

The best thing about the past week is actually being able to be out and be a little pinker in health.

A night of mambo fun, bad prata coffeeshop service, being cheated of my money (by the prata coffeeshop opposite Zouk) and returning to the abode with a high bout of fever, I'm sure pictures themselves place the night in better light.

The groupie, without Che.
She's tall (inclusive of hair).

Kissing game. It's not what it looks!
Doing the Azie-and-Eunice-lover's pose.
Che, Slut and her lychee.
Somebody was lucky that night.

The grey heavens cracked with vertical rage. I was indignant in sleep but was disruptively demeaned into baring my virgin vision to the battles up high. My limbs were handicapped of control, as if anaestetic were streaming in my veins.

The rainpour pelted and made violent charges against the windows that had my little lame-like body well-protected, and the lack of rhythm reverberated like a gong in my head. It was then, I felt my breathing take an accelerando. Even breathing made me vulnerable. My mind and body were drained of determination.

I couldn't fight the world and I didn't. Maybe tomorrow. As for today, I'll just take a break.

(2+6+4) + (2+6+5) does not sum up to 23.






Ripped a couple of lines from Che.

20 ways to manage your anger or sadness or whatever odd emotions

1. Feign normalcy.
2. Burst into bawl fits.
3. Stock up on cigarettes (only because you will desperately require them).
4. Ring up an ex to avert the negative emotions.
5. Binge and purge (either way, what goes in has to make its way out)
6. Eat something you are allergic to. The allergic reaction would divert emotions' focus.
7. Insult fat people.
8. Bake obsessively.
9. Infest your blog with clever wit (yes, wit is already clever but can't a girl emphasize here?) and diss the people you scorn.
10. Watch birds fly past your window and watch out especially for the ones that get into mishaps.
11. Stare at the wall, sulk at it and whine to it.
12. Floss your teeth.
13. Steal a treasured object from your nemesis and boycott.
14. Do up self-actualization quizzes online.
15. Fervently remind yourself that it is them, not you. Always.
16. Go up to your parents and finally break it to them that their snores can form an orchestra.
17. Gnaw on rocks.
18. Scribble until you manage to draw something.
19. Hit the club and hook a hot fuck.
20. Do a role switch. Be a top if you're bottom, be a bottom if you're top.


Things NOT to do when you're feeling angry, sad or whatever odd emotions

1. School and work compulsively simultaneously. It's an academic killer.
2. Watch 'Heroes' and imagine to have superpowers.
3. Make popcorn because the machine will burn.
4. Daze and recklessly burn your face with a lit cigarette.
5. Surf friendster or fridae or myspace.
6. Tell or listen to ghost stories because they do successfully spook you out.
7. Strike a conversation with your dog.
8. Shop. You would overspend.
9. Keep faith that the world will be fair to you since you were fair to them. They don't think you are.
10. Speak to a stupid person.
11. Remind yourself to think rationally, because everything 'rational' that daggers out of your mouth would most probably be otherwise.
12. Listen to Rachael Yamagata or 'Hide and Seek' by Imogen Heap.
13. Be without a pack of cigarettes.
14. Have too much to drink and end up wasted and smelly awful from vomit.
15. Reminisce.
16. Try to succeed at a karaoke session.
17. Make attempts to be nice to anybody else but yourself.
18. Feel sorry for anybody else but yourself.
19. 'Itchy backside'.
20. Make believe. Fairytales are for nobody.

You're like a pound of flesh I scabbed away just so I could feel a pound lighter.

Tonight and forever more, we share different skies.

And I hear Cyndi Lauper singing,"confusion is nothing new".

I've bought a world of lies. Now I'm heavily in shadows of debt.

If I could escape
And re-create a place that's my own world
And I could be your favorite girl
Forever, perfectly together
Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet?

On lighter notes, Mustafa with H3 and dinner with H4 was heartwarming. Finally got to meet the favourite ones. Shopping has never been this outrageously mad.

These are in my loot bag for the day:

A suit - Blazer, shirt, vest, pants

Sunglasses

2 pair of spectacles

Cigarette box (a pioneer!)

Jade bracelets

A black vintage-looking bag

A vintage-looking watch

After which, it was at 201's and the void deck, where we crooned and danced to old songs and experimented with hair. I passed down the tradition of moisturizing hair! Speaking of which, I am going to mohawk my hair tomorrow. Short hair is fun.

(Please take a look at their pants.)







My body is demanding sleep. Emo days are shortlived. Hooray to that!

I never asked to live forever. I never sought a life of pretty endeavours of the future. I just want to live yesterday. Tomorrow could never come and it would be alright with me.

I could scream the distance short, but you would never hear me. I could beat the speed of lightning at every word I mutter, but you would never grasp a word. I could walk you through every smear of forgiveness, but you would never comprehend the number of times you took it forgranted. I could expand the genuity of my smiles, but you would never appreciate the effort I'm making in spinning happiness for myself.

Because yesterdays keep me existent. I have no desire to reach tomorrow.

But it's alright, it's okay, I think God can explain.

Azie's photoshoot!

The cutest kitty I've seen by far! With sapphire eyes!

I like this one.

Models with protruding spines.

Mustafa with Dana and Phoebe tomorrow! I miss the five like nothing else!