You laid yourself down while I battered at your vulnerability and ran over your willingness to open yourself up. You forgot to retaliate when I pierced emphasis at your flaws. You abandoned selfish desires just to feed mine. You gazed at the brittle and haggard skin I was wearing, and told me you were proud to have me. You looked into my eyes and told me I was beautiful to the world and (most) beautiful to you. I took a tumble, and you promised me you would aid me support through this rough.

You haven't got the slightest clue how sincerity wells gratitude within me at the notice of change. And I know you are the only one who would never impose judgement onto me when I say to you that I love you.

I hid myself from failure and fear
O my dear you're a threat to the bad in us all
They tell themselves that each word from your lips
Or the grace in your eyes overcomes any fall

Over the twilight you're listening for me
Darling, go to sleep
Cradled by moonlight, I'm dreaming we'll be
Loved so deep

Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I'm just a terrible kite
You'll tell them you're proud of my marvelous flight

Don't hide yourself inside till I'm old
O my dear you're a threat to the bad we all see
I'm beside myself for the touch of your lips
Or the grace of your eyes that can see good in me

Perspective of a prawn
Look
Red nails and prawn
Silhouette half
Silhouette other half
Sepia play


The night is angsty, but impending days of sunshine embalms greater expectations.

The moon dipped its way beneath the horizons. Shadows grew long and became arduous to catch; they diminished in the growing pitch of black that swallowed redundant existence. Here I sway, plagued by meer memories that vague with time. I chased reminisce like a fervent devout. Eyes were matted with the colour of blood and soaked in bodies of tears. Inside, I screamed your name many times aloud, but muted all life in them.

These hours are so dark without you.

Stupidity is not defined by the number of accounts you bravely stood against to only end up feeling insignificant or the consistency of you being at stake of love's manipulation. They call it love, not stupidity. Stupidity just ropes fervently around it.

Did I care less, or was I careless? I ought to know and I wish I knew but there's too much to be known that catching up would still leave me far behind, so I just leave things be with an "I don't know".

So cheers, to a new student, a new job, the upcoming project three and awakening ambitions. To me.

Fateful July 14th. You used to array my days with the splendour of rainbows, you used to share the tip-tops and lows of routines. We used to but we don't anymore, and we all know these are all used-to-be(s). Nevertheless, I miss you.

Sip heaven with God but think of me, won't you?

//

Femmequest 2006 Finals! Congratulations Per, on the winning of first runner-up! It was a night well-spent, with love and friends.

You're scared, scared, scared
Cause I feel like home
I'm scared, scared, scared
Cause you feel like home

Too

Knot loose ends
Free gilded thorns in my head
I starve, starve, starve
To kidnap eternity
Only one key to rust's stubborn lock

Love

Me: nique and i walked past jewelry shops today
Aaronn: omg
Me: and we're planning to buy engagement rings for each other
Aaronn: why looking for runf (runf means ring)
Me: hahaahahah
Aaron (gets into a finger-fit): KOSFH koDFHkopJnMe: ?
Me: what?
Aaronn: omg can i marry you both
Me: LOL
Me: meaning?
Aaronn: not MARRY YOU BOTH
Aaronn: but like officiate your wedding la



Nobody else walks past jewelry shops and plans to marry me with diamond rings and lacey promises, just like how I've never intended on saving up to ring anybody else this lifetime. A heart can make home for only one, and our entwined hearts make one home. They see that we are happy and they are are happy for us. I am happy for us; happier than I've ever been.

I strayed for awhile, but I'm right here and right now. I feel right. You have always been affinity, perfected.

The entire week's occupied with plans. Guylian chocolates (original) perk me up, so do you baye. I love you.

Today - Work and gorge (Lays Sour Cream and Onion, worm-gummies, Ramly burger, Takopachi, Guylian strawberry chocolates, ban-mian, fried fish soup, meat patty with bread, fried rice)
Monday - Swimming, tanning, shopping, SIM, being nice and going extra miles (pun intended), Cityhall Coffee Clubbing
Tuesday - Class field trip to Omnimax Theatre to screen Superman
Wednesday - School
Thursday - School and FemmeQuest 2006 Finals
Friday - School and work
Saturday - Work
Sunday - Work

Indian rojak and prata was purge-inducing, although I had none other but myself to blame for the lack of resistence. There is a strong urgency for me to stop wasting money on food. My earnings should be wisely spent on practical things like clothes. Habitual. That's what I'd say it is.

14th, yet again, is nearing. The date itself sends rushes of scenarios of various friendships that took place before. There is so much worthy to be frightened of, yet my defences have been weakened and still is weakening. Friendships have belonged to the surface of lip service. I can't recall a better friend than my old-current flame.

It's stupid to feel sometimes because you don't expect anybody to be attending to it yet it's uncontrollable. It's stupid to be told that I'm too skeptical, cynical and pessimistic and that I'm over thinking and that, gives everyone a reason to put the blame onto pre-menstraul-syndrome (famously known as PMS). I want to be swarmed with tender loving care. I don't like the idea of recollecting past events and familiarizing faces which I've never been personally acquainted with before but I still do because this is something I cannot escape from; we do chase the unattainable, right? This is me, and has been me for a very long time but I guess I'll have to curb me. And what sense do you derive in that? I see none. Wake some of it if you do.

"Ask and it shall be given". If I ask, will I really be given?

Changes come inevitable. Some endure, others prove their existences futile. We gaze at darkening deep blue skies and ignore stars that shine for us. How incessant overlooking becomes. The twinkling reminds us that nature is not perished, neither is its course. It is then, reverence is enveloped with incomprehension of appreciation. Weighing much ingratitude, we heave life's downhills in multiple fashions of complaints.

I watched them blink to their purposes as I unreservedly unclothed reserved vulerability to you at the playground.

I am so spent and my body requires a hell lot of rest although the biological clock has gone haywire. Diploma Show 2007 will be costing us a bomb and I think it will be under my own ambitious tab. In the mood for gummies.

These washing cycles tell us so much more than assumptions swarming a first and last love. Here we are, again. This one is a stay.

A girl, minute in comparison to the big world that hugged her from all sides, clutching her to a pricking edge. Grasping for air, she lunged at a bend with her tiny hands. She caught grip, then lost it in meer seconds. The tears she wallowed in choked her at the neck. Breaths were rapid and in gasps as it began to withdraw from consciousness. The sharp edges knifed at her skin, piercing a depression into the surface of her skin. She cried hard, and strengthened her defences, but to no avail. It was the world, against a being.

You watched her gasp for solace.

You, huntress of the depths of my eye and magnifier to the recesses of my heart's lamp. The heart, spell-bound. Such certainty was outshined when your eyes were blinded. A soul, run-down by a song of fatigue against time that stopped winding music. That melody surrounded our hearing with embalming sensory, a nightingale swaying its tunes against the dance of two ordinary lovers.

In the ordinary lies a garden of all the riches of this world. That makes you and me.

It's been far too many countless afternoons that passed me by since I've awaken to a one with heavily embedded thoughts of wishing you were right here by me because I finally realised I was afraid to lose you forever.

Are you asleep or are your eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling pondering on a simple action if you should begin the day by texting me first? Do you listen to lullabys and piano recitals and wish I was there humming to you while you gaze into nothingness of perfection? Are you flooded with thoughts of me like I think it is? Did you sleep sound or was slumber haunted by horrifying nightmares? Do I tell you my bad dreams and bawl to you because it might be a flicker of hint that I'm frightened to not have you with me? Should I attempt at making you 'blush and die' from over-candied poems proclaiming to you that life might be a tad pointless without you? Or should I await the next truth-or-dare session to secretly and indirectly confess my feelings towards you?

I'll skip the whole chunk of things that drive me towards where you are, and just tell you that I've been missing you too immensely to have anything else explained into words.

In the light of the sun
Is there anyone, ohh it has begun
Dear you look so lost
Eyes are red and tears are shed this world you must have crossed you said
You don't know me, and you don't even care
She said you don't know me, and you don't wear my chains

Some people have it good, others have it bad. Some people are fortunate enough to chance happiness this day, others aren't. Some people own the world at their fingertips, some others would die to have it. Some would jester with laughter when joy intercepts their paths, others would cry to it. Some assume too much, others dig for facts. Some know what they want, others are lost in delusional strings of endless thoughts.

I cringe at the mention of true love's existence, what about the others?

Life is ironing out, bit by bit.

To dream isn't to flake a sin, it's to imagine effortless pains being implemented into reality with effort. And I like dreaming dreams of you and with you in them because they are the ones that actually happened before.

Without fail, you inject tease into my grammatical errors, the times I called 'Gucci's Envy Me' 'Gucci Me', my el cheapo grey slip-ons that were initially white and my dirty tricks of snatching the nacho chips with your pretzel chips because they didn't suit my taste buds. All the time it gets too much to bear, yet, I enjoyed every minute of the entire novelty. Beside you, nothing requires excessive procrastination.

It is the home of a heart I've decided to stop contemplating on. To move ahead and right the wrongs, I will. Step by step, past hauntings might lift their toll off a burdened love and rejuvenate it at the peak of heights. I'll bring you home like you're bringing me. It's almost unbelievable, how you are you and being you, I'd still love you this whole lifetime.

I've clowned both the parts of the devout lover and the straying sinner. Right now, rest is all I need.

When tears fall , I take forgranted that emotions stream themselves toward me. When the ducts of ego, pride and experience batter at me ever too often, weeping seems afar and uncalled for. It's been awhile since crying appeared appealling and a source of freeing from bottled feelings.

And I thank you, for returning my emotions back to me.