Heartfelt gratitude dedicated to these :
Nique, Daddy, Mummy, June, Jinyu, Ching Joo, Ingrid, Priscelia, Kwang Wei, Mei Xuan, DustAngel, Chi Chi, Pei, Khoon Han, Hanshen, Chris, Alex, Daryl, Yu Mei, Fel and Julian(?).

Felicity drained from the source of its existence - people. The fellowship of humanity deceased to a meaningless facade as emotions pour their way into a waste pit. Threads binding security stringed apart, affections squeezed to dehydration, causing relationships to wrinkle from dryness of genuity. All that remain are fossils of memories.

I sat by, caressing old moments, still cherishing archaelogy

Love can travel to different heights, some extreme and others mild. Today, love has proven to be my strongest part of me. Being able to love, is painful as it is, yet, being without it seems like an eternity damned in hell. Love can change everything - shift mountains, freeze seasons, and even make one go berserk. And if there is anything I haven't loved, you people are not one of them, because I love each and every one of you with every ability I possess. I try to silent the grumbles and complaints, but today, I realised that all of that, the sweet and the bitter, are important in order to love. None must be left in exception.

June. You have seemingly failed my efforts to survive in the relationship we have. I have had sleepless tearful nights pondering on how I should improve to fit the bill. I have question my own self, and doubted my capability to try. You will always be my one and only sister; none other can replace.

Mummy. I have tested my faith time and time again, and I disappoint you and God. I cannot appease everyone, please understand. It takes time for changes to occur. I have already pumped in my fullest effort to constantly be by your side, to listen when you need an ear. The love I have for you is comparable with Daddy, because you have sacrificed for me more than anyone else in this world. Today, I have challenged your rights as a mother, I have disobeyed you, and it stings me so hard. I'm just too proud to admit.

Daddy. You will always have my love. But Mummy will always have more of it, because you have hurt her, and I, witnessed it. I hate looking back, to think that you might inflict pain onto her again. I am protective towards Mummy, and since you love your own mother so much, you will understand, someday, what I mean.

Phoebe. Thank you for being through this rough ride with me, although you didn't say much. I never wanted friends to see these things happen to me, because I don't need them to sympathise me. Thank you, for being so tolerant.

You. Your love for me today, has reached such heavenly heights, that I thank you, for everything over the past two years. I'm wary and fearful of showing my dark ugly side, yet you loved me for my different personalities. I am sorry I broke your heart by breaking down. I am sorry I was too stubborn to listen. I can't gurantee change, but I will try; at least trying might get me there. Needless to say, I want to let you know that I love you so much, more than I'll ever say it.

To all mentioned above, I am sorry.

First add/drop attempt was successful, now I'm at my second attempt at add/drop. My apologies go out to Tommy Quek, who has been tolerating my lack of planning (timetable) and my indecisiveness. Fret not, because I have already scheduled my subjects all the way until I graduate from the course.

This semester, I'll be struggling my guts to fill more of the gaps for the design electives subjects. Interface Design, Web Animation 1, and my add-on, Interactive Media Authoring 1 (I hold Quek onto her word that it isn't a killer). I'm dropping Sociology, and focusing on Psychology.

Now, stamina is vital and essential.

I am about to blog literal now. Nique picked me up from school after Psychology's lecture and tutorial. I got Nicoll Tan ( YES! The Leadership and Character lecturer), and that makes me extremely relieved. I'd rather Khim Ho teach though, his lectures are more information-absorbing. IMDP2's presentation is next week - Final Proposal, which also indicates that I'll be undergoing insomnia-haunting nights and it will be seldom that I will get to see Nique.

Back to brainstorming for IMDP2!

Cracks of furious roars lit the deep crimson heavens. The minute drips of rainwater befall onto the ground, causing sounds in plitters and platters to collect into growing pools of the skies' burden.

I smell the aroma of drizzles. Heavenly. On a night like this, I'm wondering if it is pouring up above. Would you have spent tearful night after tearful night in full reminisce, of the days when life was endeared and precious?

Because I still wish you hadn't left so soon.

A thousand faces urging her to resist the wave currents washing her backwards. The bleak city engulfs any light in her paths while trails of shadows crept up behind on her.

She closes her eyes for the moment, and envisages utopia; an ended chase. Hold still the silence, meek the solitude, and let her dream just a little longer.

Tanning 180505

Mock 18th Birthday Celebration 220505

Pictoria.

Wheels of thoughts in endless whirls, with confusion lingering and continuing its stay. The heart is tugging from her subconscious voices sighing; her spirit at its submerging plummet. The boulders striking her shoulders down, with none's hands to gravitate into. None.

The scent of intimacy and the taste of closeness, all omitted. The bubble to the brim with animosity and grudges, preparing to rupture. If only time was untroubled, in the solitude and quietude, for meditation of agigation and angst, perhaps her Father would outstretch his mercy, more, and shelter her shivering identity.

She gulps down the forsaken waters. She is drowning. Does another escapade anticipate her touchdown?

390 photographs. Countless sunflower seeds consumed. 2 horrid-tasting plates of prawns and shrooms (courtesy of Pastamania). 1 glorious and cooperative sun. 2 tanners.

Result? Severe sunburns (but a very happy day).

The delirious excitement made her spine chill a second or two; her head afloat by spells that bound her; thoughts waltzing to the rhythem of the throbbing of her heart. Those days of constant trauma have been pieced up by hand, fearful and wary that glued parts might shatter once more.

Age has taught plenty, with grudging losses and fruitful gains. The mundane routines cause souls to mellow, life slowly and scornfully dripped and wasted.

Now that the diamond in her rough suffaces, she clenches onto it, gripping it with mighty strength, and hums a subtle tune to it, for fear now that it might flee from her. Happiness, can be stolen, in a minute fraction of a fall.

At times an enigma, and other times the guru to her being, nevertheless, she intently awaits affinity, still.

My husband and I have made plans to cohabitate once she's 21 and me 23. I will engage an agent to book an executive HDB apartment for us. Payment will be halfway through when I'm 23 and she will, by then, aid me financially when she starts working. We will buy a shared apartment, legally, and get both our parents' approvals. And we will live together, forever, happily ever after. She will do the cooking in the weekends while I, in the weekdays; and she will drive us around when she has gotten her license, I will forsake my license if need be; she will share the workload of the housework with me and we will own two dogs, one breed of her choice and one breed of mine, which she will, pick up their poo during walks, and I will be in charge of entertaining, bathing and feeding.

She will design the kitchen and bedrooms, I will design the living room, bathrooms and study room. I feel like the most fortunate girl in the world, to be able to even make such far-fetched plans with her.

My apologies for the upteen quarrels that have occurred, to cause dipute and sow discord. I hope to sew and mend all of the unhappiness into smiles. We will make utopia now reality. Five years will fly by us in a snap of our fingers, and our hearts will still beat in one rhythem. I refuse to believe it isn't possible. We've come a long way darling, haven't we?

P/S, this entry is entirely literal.

Futile lengthy moments flushed being apoplectic, when soured promises take its place. Her grotesque face resembles me of the masks that were wrongly sculpted and painted. The recrimination suddenly like a transparent membrane; her shame being my glory, and infinite victory. She will become my ventriloquist, and I will practice excellent mockery to bare naked lies. Forgiveness is not always divine.

At last, the aisle settles right before vision, making the silhouette of your love transform into fertilizing daffodils. You're the only face I can see. No more will redundancy be reasons to scratch undeniable affinity. You are, without doubt, my answered prayers.

I call it entertainment.






That birthday girl is my life












3/7 2005 Class T-Shirt (Copyrighted, Cheryl Lio)


Mellow sucked from the days of monotony; cherry-eyed and licked-lipped. The echoes in the vast wide empty reverbrates with piercing exilheration, a better tomorrow to arrive in golden grande - Chocolate Buffet at Timberlux Centre on the 22nd May.

My cheeks ache from incessant smiling. Only one to be eternally grateful to - Nique, my everything.

Their aching bones hunger the space dissatisfaction that kept needs disembodied, frozen like a dying bud. Maybe the verses and poems amissed wormed codes decoded; maybe it is compensation misunderstood in frenzy.

The fragments to this puzzle disassembled, still. Piece them together before the game's at its finale.

My birthday star.



Dear Nique,

It's your 16th birthday tonight, and you're a year younger than I am. I bet you're high from being smug. But that's not the point. The past 4 months have been the most unbelievable ones. You have shone so much light to direct such happiness to my paths. You have been my angel, always by my side, providing me with every possible support that can be named. On this very special day, I wish you a very happy birthday, I wish you happiness and not forgetting, I wish you love. I wish you love from family, friends, acquaintances, strangers and me. I love you my dearest. I hope to be spending more birthdays with you to come.

P.S, good luck and all the best for your chemistry paper.

With Love,
Me

Alluring lust and passion forms, gradual like a delicate flower bloom, as control loses composure to her sly evil smile with her fingers tracing my silhouette. I feel trembles surge through my entire being for a second or two, commanding my goosebumps to rise as she breaths delicate breaths into my ears. Her face tells me she is craving to be in me as I in her. The adventure unwraps within as her touches electrify my senses. Every sound made is a manifestation of pleasure and fun. Every movement testifies a languish of calmness; steam setting into the love-making. You see, she and I are made to integrate.

I wonder if the cab driver eavesdropped on our little crusades.

The curses of over-conviction unravel as she turned the pages of her story book every minute of life. Questions she found thumping in her head all night long, unconfirmed doubts, to dejavu. Flipping history, she remembered failed stories which she pumped all her efforts into, tales of tears and dejection. But never was found - the page where the key to her soul was.

The End was always an option.

Tributes and fervent good wishes to yours truly.

kh4i says:
happy mama's day (:
kh4i says:
i love you mum (:
kh4i says:
other than my real mum youre the best ive ever had.
-
suicide messiah says:
happy (to be)mothers day!

Mothers are God-given and extraordinary, especially mine. Happy Mother's Day to all that's instinctively played motherly roles in their lives, those who carried duties of mothers, and to the women who have laid down youth and blood for their offsprings.

Have you ever tried reaching for the horizons that touch beyond vision? Has the sunlight ever blinded dwelling humanity in you?

My sails have set themselves to a faraway dubious ocean. Have yours too?

Cherry cheeks,
in bashful blushes
Mouth against mouth resuscitating,
reviving back drained life.
Honest emotions holding two on
Onto infinity.
Blissful indulgence in divulgence,
gaps were none,
too close, too tight.

Gender discrimination, sexuality choices
Roads embarked, exchanged affections
forever not, because
Now is Eternal.

My confession is that, you have always made me happy, to the furthest extent of your control and means. I can grasp overwhelming joy, because you have set your heart to try at any attempt to see a smile drawn onto my face. This works vice versa. I'll run out of things to use to count if I had to take note of all the sacrifices you made for me, minute or giant.

No more do we need to promise crossing mountains and oceans just to profess mutuality and affection, all we need is just to thrive on the much we possess. No more will we falter from the stumbling of stones, because we have climbed rocks of trials and obstacles. The good days with you, always are the perfect ones, so uncomparable. The bond between us now is thick, and so unbreakable. We started out like any other ordinary lovers, had our goods and bads, and we're stronger than any other now.

However rough or smooth the road may be, rest assure that I'm the shoulder you can count on to soak your tears into, the reliable me. I will love you for as long as fate can contain our togetherness. My best and most are all yours until it doesn't belong. But until then, we'll make moments shared happy and unforgettable.

By the way, I'm not at an attempt to raise readers' goosepimples, this entry is purely dedicated to my one and only, Nique.

It has to be the smell of rain that is rushing nostalgia into her senses. Above all else, she wishes she could be strolling under that rain outside the windows with you.

The way she slids your love into her lover, the kissing so wild, the make-loves, her sweet-nothings that tingle her lover's fancies, the walk she struts with her seductive bums and the way the couple make the loving whole, practicing love underneath the sacred sheets.

Tomorrow, we'll experiment recollecting bodily needs.

Conclusion of chases for bigger rainbows; the never finishing sought afters. Discontentment fed with unkindness of human nature like hunger growing in a snake lurking for prey. Gliding through dissatisfaction; now starving.

Just like how the book of mercy closes in on me, nothing else sets aside for happier thoughts; none in exception. Hysteria, all I hear. Confusion races between conflicts. Optimism vacant; no room for redemption

Me happy - you happy. Mutual exchange or sacrifice? I know not from here.

My pot of gold awaits at the end of my rainbow.

Do words turn stale after much repetition, which also possibly indicates insignificance and redundance. The words, they take effect on people all the time, and I am of no exception, other than I'm not too keen in being taken in by them these days.

Sometimes, your presence is one that makes me falter ever so often, and now I'm finding it hard to recuperate from the constant battering and mending of my feelings. My trust marred from all the little novelty games (they call it). It isn't ever easy witnessing so much corruption in human nature, but I guess, dealing with it is the only way to weave myself out of such situations. My inclination towards shifting the blame to others occurs often, but at the end of every ride, it is only myself that guilt has been inflicted onto. It isn't hard to picture scenarios of the hypocritical side of me (which I can't deny, because I am possibly more hypocritical than anyone I know), which I think I portray quite often these days. But despite all these commotion, it is only the firm mindsets and principles that stay with you now and forevermore, that waver with you to no succumb eventually.

Human race progression. Double ha.

Series. Feast on them.












These two (bottom) are classics.