All in all, Happy 18th Birthday Dana!

Mum, why can't you just see that she's been here all along to make me happy when nobody else tries?

Education, career-to-be, family, diploma-to-get; all fucked. I'm just not capable of holding the remainder of sturdiness I once shouldered. Not worth the hassle of the extra acre I request of you. The excitement and thrilling anticipation diminished to a shuffling grain of could-be(s). I admit finally, that I am lost in this wilderness you call growing up to reality and adulthood.

Girlfriend, I need you to help me stand strong, rooted with strength and faith.

Midnight enchantment
Bewitched, witching hours
Dancing on footnotes of glory and liberty
Say you'll forgive and be needing me, this lifetime ever fervently
Unprepared animosity, shrivelling insecurities
Wide eyed fears wrapped in negativity
Encapsulated, still, the magic of a smile
The upturn of your lips meet whimsical gaiety,
even if prolonged only for a while
Skies that lifted their pain
Sunshine seeps through to us after the rain
A seedling, sprouting with essence of sheer existence
Flourished with sifted fragrance of joyous eternity
Etched with veins of stories about you and me

A life and its course, with you only, Nique.

-

I was flipping through printed memories. And I chanced upon these:

To start off, no KCian can ever forget this man, who jesters math lessons, affectionately holds his chalk, and does the waltz with his stick of chalk.

What about chalets? When the junkies of our lame clique got tipsy from vomit-inducing Barcadi 40% and sat along the walls of the chalet stairs stoning?

The happy clique, the family we named Lamer. Much memories, with little remainder.

What about Evening of Music, Dance and Drama on Year 2002, the ex 2/1ers and 2/2ers?
The crazy 4/1ers 2003 during Graduation Tea and the hotel stay at Oriental Hotel after graduation. One of the cliques of the class dressed in gothic (their theme) outfits for graduation and it sparked off nosey chatters.


My polytechnic coursemates, starting off as meer acquaintances.

The two friends I made that bonded ties through school life and love life. These hilarious people I've gotten closer to in the course of my 2 years in poly life.

And never leaving me, these two, sharing 18 years of joy, woe, laughter, madness with me.

24th November 2005, at the stroke of 3pm, I submitted Multimedia Scriptwriting 1's Assignment01, and....

Gail gave the class 2 more assignments, due on Week 6 and 7. By the way, this is week 3. Lecturers conveniently flood our workload-cart, although the Year 2 students are tied up with internship and portfolio's details. Lack of slumber has resulted me in mornings not punctual for school; thus, the last standing solution of wasting my pittance on taxi fares. Even so, I am thrilled at the excitement of being on an internship.

I am awfully robust with intellectual sarcasm towards this particular piece of decomposed lard. I wish she could just try to take a peek at her reflection, to notice and shun the sight of the person on the other side peering back at her.

Anyway, Harry Potter's a stunning movie. Perhaps I'm only judging so because I have never read the book. Emily Rose wound me up drenching in insomnia (not that its effects scared the wits out of me).

I need an improved resolution for my livelihood.

-

Ghastly fatigue has turned my eyelids inside out, causing them to blink with heaviness. I am tired, I have to admit. The pittance of stamina has labelled me frail and incompetent. Tired, I am.

Copyright, Phoebevil. Evil, indeed.

**FOR REFERENCE SAKE**

Lecture times, Introduction To Psychology (Locations)
Mon 6-7 (LT 17 - Business)
Wed 9-10 (LT 21 - Business)
Wed 6-7 (LT 29 - Engine)
Thu 6-7 (LT 29 - Engine)
Fri 3-4 (LT 42 - Engine)

Blots of guilt struck me on trips
Your heartless cruelty; my weak personality flips
One step, two step..
Then delegating farthest miles of separation
Perfect world, she listens and engraves in memory book
Playing hard to get, circles and circles in a loop
Goodbyes and making up
Emotions stirring in stripped slums
Stimulated confusion consumes brightly-lit happiness
A pitch of infinite echoes all our words
Silent animosity, in full allowance of closeted honesty
Yet, a crafted flame of two sculptors roared incandescently
Sense of unbelonging absence of security
Narrowing down to a question of fervent plea
Won't you, simply love me?

I love you.

Lazy bones are delaying my determination to begin doing the teaser (since I'm already finished with the unsuccessful attempt with the trailer and the proposals). Suppose I'll get down to starting on the MMSW project?

Some kids just retrieved back their fortunes of being able to free themselves from the grasp of GCE O Levels while I'm rooted in front of my laptop trying to key in and register some ideas for submission tomorrow. Dissatisfactory is the type of work I have churned out for the trailer script.

I need to quicken my pace in preparing my portfolio, so that I can send in applications of cover letters seeking internship with any profitable design company.

NCPS is luxuriating in a milkbath of freedom while I'm struggling with piled pressure from work.

Flip, witness, toss
A coin spinning above, consequence's cost
Her wandering mind searching to find
Favourite solutions hanging by the silk line
Decide, then, by fate's virgin hand
You will, as destiny's craftsmen
What lies beneath
Truth and justice's parodies
And you, dance the part of a clown
Laugh, hop, prey, juggle, drown
In twisted clutches of karma
There and then, realisation isn't that far

During MMSW, Gail gave us a number of topics whereby the topic itself reminded us of someone. There and then, we did a character analysis/profile for that person, derived from how well/much we know and understand that person. All this is to depict the most accurate target audience for a specific or range of products.

The product I chose was Tampons, apart from the other alternative options such as the Lamborgini, McDonald Fries and this other product (I forgot what it was). Guess who struck my thoughts instantly at the term Tampons....

You're right. Dana!

Shifting subject of blogging, I have lined-up assignments awaiting my touch of commencement. I'm quivering at the mention of the work's that imagined to be compiled from this week onwards. Thank God I have Lina going through the insufferable timetable slots every Thursdays.

Scripts for a teaser and trailer

Multimedia Scriptwriting Assignment 1 - comparison and critique of 2 magazines

2 Psychology quizzes online

PComD - Research on 5 companies for internship and narrow it down to 1.

Pea's papers are coming to an end, at long last. Can barely bear the anticipation until 2nd December. I get to see pea tomorrow - a Friday! I will demand Pea to pick me up from school everyday 22nd Nov onwards. Owe her chocolate sundaes and owes me tubs of Rocky Road Magnolia ice cream. I want!

Back to reciting stress.

Edit.839pm
Just burying myself in work so I won't be affected by what you're not bothering with. Lethargy is preventing me from typing in prose and more profound English.

Just thought you'd remember.

Suck me dry; my heart hangs mid drift in the air, love dripping from tip of tongues. A giant blanket of sky sewn with sparkling glittery captured dazes. A hushed infinite onyx-embedded atmosphere gave its solitude away when a jagged pointing finger of lightning cracked the dimmed heavens. Trickles of clouds dispersed their way down. Gold was shimmering in the drops of reflected stars, in rain. The black-scarlet above us transitioned to a blankof tranquil.

There, I laid my head upon your shoulders, and found everlasting rest.

I love you Pea.

Reaching 11 months of utter adoration of a partner I thought would almost prolong a lifetime suddenly depleted to a finish, with you and I torn and going separate ways. Since our second get-together, we have undergone through upteen transformations and trials, hand in hand or not. You have been a greatest deal of my existence, you have been my strength and my weakness. For so long, I have been smitten by you, afraid to prick a heart you carry so fragile and paranoid of losing. Until today, noone holds this exact status and rank in the recesses of my heart and being. Joy you have shone upon my darkest peaks and carousels of emotions you have made me trip on, nevertheless, you've been the most special person there is to me (besides Marion). 11 months of devotion and undying affection, but the wilting promises and chaining obligations have taken their tolls on us. Ashley and Ashton were the ultimate of our fantasies, a simple apartment along the coasts of Singapore, and an infinite pledge to bind us together for all times. Then till tonight, I will not have been more certain of my mutual reciprocation towards you. And today, we burden ourselves with so much that we've dragged along these months: the issue of exs, over-bustling with school, being untrue and dishonest, loving each other the wrong way (so we accuse each other), being there for no cause and no effect, changing the dire way, etc. The expectations we place at one another becomes overwhelming, and a love that flames a fire of all passion turns stale with redundance. Have we travelled 11 months to end up with unfruitful memories and gains? Maybe parting isn't a fuss anymore because we've been to fickle with our wants and needs, maybe losing a loved one will then prove a loved one's worth (and perhaps, existence). Maybe. Maybe I stopped typing in prose and riddles, because I am relenting to the unpleasant feeling of being lost without someone I've been so comfortable with for 11 months. I'm in awe of my unusual tolerance when I'm around you. Mistakes I foolishly did make, pain I did inflict, unconscious revenge you took, and discomfort I now feel from your awkward absence. There is so much to say that words do feelings no justice. Frangile closeted pieces of me are striked upon and ripped apart, and I cannot explain this with meer conjured churns. A cliched paragraphing of words to indite on apologies and what-ifs, but harping on it wouldn't do us much good because we have been through that cycle far too many times to remember the number of incidents this did occur.

Right this very moment, being apart from you seems a thousand miles away, and results in a loneliest me having pangs from missing you aching throughout my entire being. The memoirs of us were inscripted with honey and blood, and honestly, I cannot bring myself to put it all behind me and move on like it never struck on me. It is impossible for me to pretend that giving up on everything I held hopes for is now in a chute of hasty memories. I pinned escalated ambitions of spinning you up into the happiest being ever, reason being is that I have given my utmost in all I did for you. But I have failed my aims terribly and I am sorry for not living up to standards I myself set. I probably owe you thousands of apologies in every form and manner I can, but that will not be the remedy to felicity you genuinely longed for. A vocabulary of repent wouldn't soften the delicate side of you because I have done so much harm that you have turned numb towards me.

With much said, I am finally admitting to my mistakes and yours too. Denying myself of all positive thoughts because positivity is denial if it isn't real. It is nothing else but love and happiness I hope and pray for you, from today on. If I cannot provide for you what I should and wanted to, it is only right that you search ahead, for future endeavours, adventures, love, happiness, passion and truth. The riches of this world tastes so much better with someone exclusive who will appreciate the goodness in the suckle. It is not within my rights to stop you from being what you will, but by freeing you from someone who never deserved you. I am sorry, for being the worst that I could have been, for hurling meanest remarks at you, for being insensitive/over-sensitive towards your feelings.

I love you and always have, for a year or so. It has been the longest ride of my life. I thank you, for showing me what being on a journey with someone special is all about. I hope you comprehend the overwhelming depth of my words. And lastly, I will be here right by you, for now, for always.

Introduction to Psychology's handbook is utterly atrocious, with absolutely no notes of any form. We had to replicate the information on powerpoint. Took out last semester's Psychology's notes and discovered that they took them off this semester's handbook. (Phoebe, want them?) Prior to that, Siew Leng's lecture was dreary and uninteresting; start improving the situation by simply speaking like an amplifier.

Sappy songs just absorb so readily, and I tear as easily. Abhor the weak self I've developed to become. Best I ever had, Where Are You, Yellow, Almost Here...

Downloaded Mario Forever onto the laptop.

Navigating through flipped chronicles of our lives, sunshine and rain pelt down overwhemingly. A squad of rhythmic trombones of lightning stuns the dim skies with sneer and mockery.

A surge of nostalgia establishes and the heart smothers with scrunge and squeeze. Relenting to idealogies, engraves a void of hope.

After every conviction, convincement opaques the mind. Like clear cellophane, we foresee the peek of sunlight towards the end of the seemingly neverending tunnel. Like memories, you shall always linger and remain.

The deceased we'll always miss and pine for, the living we'll always hold back on. Treasure.

Timberlux, Bras Besah (stolen flowers and fan), Beach Road, and Bugis. Shopping is divine, school is refined. Jumble them up, you get the smacking time of your life.

Sweetbum's tore her virgin pair of LEVIS jeans, and she gains my empathy. Punk pants we shall indulge our buckeroos in, soon. I've set aims on this Mickey Mouse watch (a couples wear so Nique's got to buy the other design of another colour) and this checkered blazer. During our trip to Bras Besah, Popular held an opening ceremony for its first day of business after renovation. She, being a rascal, stole an infant sunflower, passion rose and a fake funeral-like blush flower. By the way, she took the honours of pocketing the fan that was put up for display as well. We have stories to blog about, but are unfortunately too over-run by fatigue, so we'll delay that just a bit. I haven't seen anyone quite as lusciously attractive as 'Bugis Girl', but Phoebe has her grab set on her. There wasn't Thai Express for dinner, instead it was replaced with Tom Yam Seafood Soup from the hawker's. And after a hectic day packed with joy and tears (ha, cliche!), I'm resting in the cushions of my bed, all worn out and ready to get an eye-shut.

Items of purchase include a pair of bohemian hoop earrings, two designer tees, a new pair of visual aid, longitudinal eraser, two inscripting and inditing tools (pens in short) and a turquoise highlighter.

That sweetpea, is mine. I'm going to make her the happiest nut on this planet. Coming 2nd, 11th! (:

Design Festival 2005 is here, and reaching its peak.

A two-and-a-half day event from 10 - 12 November, DesignEDGE will be held at the Suntec Singapore International Convention & Exhibition Centre, Halls 401 and 402. The event aims to attract about 8,000 designers internationally. In tandem with the bienniel Singapore Design Festival, DesignEDGE will be organised once every two years. More information on DesignEDGE can be found on www.designedge.sg.

-

Apart from all that, PComD lessons this round (with tremendous contrast to amateur-like ComDI) seems to be ornamented with much more life and colour. The rapid search for companies to be engaged to during Internship phase has commenced, and everyone is pretty hyped about the idea of attachments.

Two designers from D-Fuse gave a talk today regarding the topic on what I'm learning/studying - Interactive Media Design. Their portfolios have been honourably erected since 10 years back.

Switching subject of blog entry to something that prioritises the day. Happy 19th Birthday Ingrid Mak. Hope you enjoyed the cakes and shampoo and foam.

Perplexity indulgence, stand-by alliance
Far-fetched mood camouflages, fervent rage gushes
Gales of merriment blur to slurred moments
Swaying, to the heaviness of a fatigued heart
Great love's lush
Power of its grasp and piping flush
Crumble on weak knees
Emotions, messed and creased

"They are not meer memories. They are blood channels that fed off the stuff of memory. It permits a union of heart and mind and tongue and tear."

CHERYL LIO SY, GET YOUR BUTT TO SCHOOL.

(You see that? 9 freaking subjects! And I'm having Felix's class tomorrow.)

1. APEL2
2. Student Internship Program
3. Scriptwriting Fundamentals
4. Professional Communicating Design Ideas
5. Language of Film
6. Multimedia Scriptwriting 1
7. Interactive Media Authoring 1
8. Broadcast Design
9. Introduction to Psychology

The flutters of love's butterflies are waltzing with escalated spirits. An emotional hiatus, time healing every aged jade. Masquerade and comedies, tickling funny bones and tummies. Flickers of undefined assumptions, affinity and lifelong partners carrying out their desired functions. A heart's pangs and pining for you love, undying.

I'm in a neutral state of frustration. Sure, as hell, it contradicts but that's the precise manner it should be described. My trained thoughts are suddenly jerking in unknown exasperation. Just here, seated in a daze, pondering on the next step I should take.

Outcome of subject selection (the Timetable) was a total flip, which also indicates that dorks like myself will be frantically panicking to reserve slots for subject lectures. Today's add and drop exercise didn't turn out too well - Video Editing was not to be seen added in my timetable. And to top off the aggravation and hassle, I wasn't channelled into the same class as Phoebe for Psychology lectures.

On the brink of a tear-implode and an overflow of dramatized emotions. Just allow me to hold it back for as long as I possibly permit myself to.

Words glide out of mouths like honeyed milk, chastity spills from naked limbs. A lurking spirit of a fox, dwelling in secrecy between shrubs of entanglement. So easily, so ready with tremendous convenience; rise and fall, come and go.

A giving of the stairway of obligations and promises, a hundred fold of sacrifices and commitment; a humble apology to forgo all misery. Assumed strategies, many more inidividual ideologies. Like vines weakly clinging onto, hanging from floating heights, skeptical from anticipating certain collapse. With the minutes, hours, days, months, years, decades, ambiguously marking risks to every trudge we try forward. Words, a confirmation of feelings-exchange, or meer partial consolation for an aging affinity?

Perhaps, the roads concretely paved were melted down for directions to be designed by none other than ourselves.

Tremulous joy diminuted into a train of swimming insecurities
Clung to sepia memories, emotions-freeze
Fervent faith abated, transformed in forms of crystal laces
Running down in rivulets down a fragile face
A bright flame of passion, dimmed down history's lane
Tenderness' strength and sturdiness, all in time's vain
Wrinkled harmony
Imprisoned and hasty

A stage of every month's inclinations
Swings of a thousand turns
Eyes, wide shut
Rest, this overcharged heart

Resolution for November Semester 2005:
1. No getting of D+s
2. No failing
3. Impress is key
4. Work harder for SIP

And not forgetting the day today;
Happy Birthday Mum!

It Wasn't Me charged the night air with delighted whoops of familiarity. Pumping giant subhoofers thudded to voracious dancing wolves. Primitive ecstatic state of groove and electrifying heat.

Thumper's this 2nd. Always remembered.

By demands of Cheryl
Copyrighted by Phoebe