Reaching 11 months of utter adoration of a partner I thought would almost prolong a lifetime suddenly depleted to a finish, with you and I torn and going separate ways. Since our second get-together, we have undergone through upteen transformations and trials, hand in hand or not. You have been a greatest deal of my existence, you have been my strength and my weakness. For so long, I have been smitten by you, afraid to prick a heart you carry so fragile and paranoid of losing. Until today, noone holds this exact status and rank in the recesses of my heart and being. Joy you have shone upon my darkest peaks and carousels of emotions you have made me trip on, nevertheless, you've been the most special person there is to me (besides Marion). 11 months of devotion and undying affection, but the wilting promises and chaining obligations have taken their tolls on us. Ashley and Ashton were the ultimate of our fantasies, a simple apartment along the coasts of Singapore, and an infinite pledge to bind us together for all times. Then till tonight, I will not have been more certain of my mutual reciprocation towards you. And today, we burden ourselves with so much that we've dragged along these months: the issue of exs, over-bustling with school, being untrue and dishonest, loving each other the wrong way (so we accuse each other), being there for no cause and no effect, changing the dire way, etc. The expectations we place at one another becomes overwhelming, and a love that flames a fire of all passion turns stale with redundance. Have we travelled 11 months to end up with unfruitful memories and gains? Maybe parting isn't a fuss anymore because we've been to fickle with our wants and needs, maybe losing a loved one will then prove a loved one's worth (and perhaps, existence). Maybe. Maybe I stopped typing in prose and riddles, because I am relenting to the unpleasant feeling of being lost without someone I've been so comfortable with for 11 months. I'm in awe of my unusual tolerance when I'm around you. Mistakes I foolishly did make, pain I did inflict, unconscious revenge you took, and discomfort I now feel from your awkward absence. There is so much to say that words do feelings no justice. Frangile closeted pieces of me are striked upon and ripped apart, and I cannot explain this with meer conjured churns. A cliched paragraphing of words to indite on apologies and what-ifs, but harping on it wouldn't do us much good because we have been through that cycle far too many times to remember the number of incidents this did occur.

Right this very moment, being apart from you seems a thousand miles away, and results in a loneliest me having pangs from missing you aching throughout my entire being. The memoirs of us were inscripted with honey and blood, and honestly, I cannot bring myself to put it all behind me and move on like it never struck on me. It is impossible for me to pretend that giving up on everything I held hopes for is now in a chute of hasty memories. I pinned escalated ambitions of spinning you up into the happiest being ever, reason being is that I have given my utmost in all I did for you. But I have failed my aims terribly and I am sorry for not living up to standards I myself set. I probably owe you thousands of apologies in every form and manner I can, but that will not be the remedy to felicity you genuinely longed for. A vocabulary of repent wouldn't soften the delicate side of you because I have done so much harm that you have turned numb towards me.

With much said, I am finally admitting to my mistakes and yours too. Denying myself of all positive thoughts because positivity is denial if it isn't real. It is nothing else but love and happiness I hope and pray for you, from today on. If I cannot provide for you what I should and wanted to, it is only right that you search ahead, for future endeavours, adventures, love, happiness, passion and truth. The riches of this world tastes so much better with someone exclusive who will appreciate the goodness in the suckle. It is not within my rights to stop you from being what you will, but by freeing you from someone who never deserved you. I am sorry, for being the worst that I could have been, for hurling meanest remarks at you, for being insensitive/over-sensitive towards your feelings.

I love you and always have, for a year or so. It has been the longest ride of my life. I thank you, for showing me what being on a journey with someone special is all about. I hope you comprehend the overwhelming depth of my words. And lastly, I will be here right by you, for now, for always.