I'm bleeding so badly,
yet noone will see.
I'm crying out loudy,
but everyone leaves.

JASON CHANG : Bloody lowlife, get a life, PLEASE. Search your conscience before you interrogate me. Fuck you.

Last night wasn't so bad, it turned out fine, except that a few darned mosquitos were pretty pesty. Been having gastric, so I avoid topping anything up to this fragile stomach of mine. I swear I'm dead beat, I need to get sleep, badly, my eye bags are worsening. Other than that, I think I still look pretty. Went to hightlight hair that day, and it turned out nice (june said). I'm hardly aware of what I'm typing, shall get my ass to bed. Signing out!

I expect nothing in return,
just for you to have a little faith in me.

Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
Whose fur was white as snow

(Did I get that right?)

Dammit, I'm tired. Need to get my hair done crazily tomorrow. I'm regretting every bit now, I've totally lost her. What a turn. Not gonna work. As long as she's happy. Had a fucking bad night. Dad suggested me working at swenson's. Good job with good pay. Sure thing.

//love is leaving

She's going to get her hair dyed, that cutie; ash white and blue, what a crazy combination. AND WITHOUT ME! She claims she doesn't want the same ol' colours like always. I think it's just an attempt to impress me on Monday, to leave me in awe. And she acts modest all the time when she knows deep in her that she's cute.

I'm stuck at home, in-charge of taking care of mum; she's ill, and has been ill for about a week already. Being the good girl that I am, I took great care of her. Got a call from Smith Street Cafe regarding me getting hired, for $4/hr. Quite pathetic pay I'd say, but I'll think about it. Let's hope I still have time for Baby once I start work. Ann thinks that even though I'm not a party pooper, I'm not a nerd. I beg to differ. I'm a nerd and I'm happy being one. I seize contentment in nerdi-ness.



To party-partner! : Thanks for sending me that song you recommended me to download. You have no idea how much I am in love with it now. Please fix a date and place to hang out. Miss miss! Love!

To you : Please find happiness. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. We've had some past =)

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you


-The Reason (Hoobastank)-

It pretty much seems that nothing will now stop me from going back to where I was before I met you, yet I'd rather not go back. I have a million reasons not to stay, but I will anyway. Isn't it ironic? Maybe I don't mean as much, maybe I'll never do. Be here always with me, won't you? I can't smile, I can't. Not when you won't ever say you're mine, not when all you need isn't me. But somehow, no matter how bad things get, I can't bring myself to go. Just don't leave me baby. I don't care how many you'll need, I don't care how much the truth will hurt, all I want is for you to stay.


I was lying and hiding the truth away
And what I really want to say is
You are incredible

You've got me so stuck on you. It's back to those days, when I'm waiting, all in vain. I can't shake off this bout of insecurity, yet you've got me hooked. This doesn't feel good at all, big time. And I can't find myself anymore; I'm torn apart so bad. Take me by the hand, and never leave, you know how much I need you to be here. Won't you calm my fears? Won't you stay even?

This love, this heart, these arms to hold
So tight to you, I won't let go
Can this be real, or just some dream that feels so true
I wish you love, I wish you more
You are all that I live for
I'll never hurt you believe me
My heart beats just for you
It only beats for you

I'll keep the fire alight for you
Can't think of nothing else, what can I do
This lonely heart of mine, it only beats for you
It only beats for you

You bring me peace, you make me smile
You give me strength and all the while
You ask for nothing, only love
And my heart beats just for you
It only beats for you

I'd say all these things to you
If you were here, but that's not gonna be
Cos you 're not here at all
There's only me
But I won't stop trying

I won't give up, I'll wait for you
'Til you come back, it's all I can do
I'll be right here, I'm going nowhere without you
Give me the chance, just make the call
Just say the words, I'm waiting for
Just let this heart of mine show you
It only beats for you

Yes it only beats for you
It only beats for you
This love, this heart
These arms, they're only for you
This love, this heart
These arms, they're only for you
They're only for you


-This Love This Heart (Phil Collins)-

Name LIO SHU YI CHERYL ID Number S********

Institution Posted To TEMASEK POLYTECHNIC

Course Posted To DIPLOMA IN INFORMATION MANAGEMENT / T32



Check your poly postings at http://admssions.moe.edu.sg/jae/

I hope you've all had enough of rooting lies from all yall venomous tongues. I'm torn now and I hope yall are happy. Just tell me when yall have had enough of all these, 'cas I have. Leave me alone and stop wagging speculations and rumours as if it won't hurt. And stop claiming to be good friends; I know you're not. You very well know who you are. Maybe you won't get to read this, never in fact. But, to hell with you.

I needa be alone.

Everyone, will you all quit lying and assuming your fucking lies pulled through successfully? 'Cause I've seen through and exposed all of your lies. And don't even talk about me, keep your fucking mouths shut, you wanna talk, sure thing, just keep it seal whenever the topic comes to me. I had a relationship, but I don't want it anymore. You claim yourselves to be butches(the gentlemen), yet I see you all indulging in gossip. What kind of sick and twisted friends are all of you? If you're all gonna be the way you all are, I'm saddened to even spit this out, I can live without.

Just go reflect.

Bleah. Just walk out on me.

I've living a slacker's life. And I don't like it. The employment agency just played me out at the last minute, therefore leaving me to look up the newspaper ads for jobs. And I'm shocked, there are hardly any jobs out there now for me. 10 told me they'd call back, but none did. I called up this tuition agency, and the receptionist(a guy) attempted flirting. He's got a nice voice though.

Right. Plans for today cancelled, thanks to everyone waking up late, and sis waking up to realising she has projects to finish. Being a good girl(like I always am), I accompanied Mum to the market to buy lunch. And, as usual, nothing I've done's been appreciated at the end of the day. Look, you claim you're noble that you tolerate my insults all the time. I'm going to turn the table now, did you not insult me? Didn't I keep my peace(piece) whenever you hurled insults at me?

You want my life, take it. Doesn't mean a thing to me anyway.

Happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to daryl-my-dearest-honey-pot-didi... *roll drums*
Happy birthday to you!
*cheers, hollers, and claps wildly*

You've been someone I can't live without. I wish you happiness and love, forever.

I've never had a greater day than this in a long time, and now I miss you all. Had streamboat session with the 'family', and yes I miss them all. They're planning sentosa-ing this weekends, I'll be missing them till then. I made didi happy, and I'm so happy. Took tons of photos with the phone camera today, and I'm a happy girl. To all those who didn't turn up and didn't bother to get to me, just get lost alright? Don't come apologising only when all's over, apologies won't change anything.

Bloody mary arrived just when I stepped out of the house. Nice start for the day (grunts with sarcasm). I'm a happy girl. I have a happy family and I love my family, always and forever. I'm high without alcohol. How's that. -grunts

Clubbing and hotel-stayovers soon ok people? Am in the mood for it sometime soon =)

8am. I'm up to resume mugging since I didn't manage to get much done last night. Last night has got to be the worst in a few weeks already.

First song that's crooning on the winamp's You And I Both, this song cracks me up. The paper starts at 2pm, still have a few hours more to mug, and yes, nervousness is getting to me already. I'm physically lethargic and to add onto that, I'm mentally-stoned, my brain is blocked from any information entering. I need a good work-out now to wake up. So off I go to work out, then mug. Wish me luck everyone. This is the last thing, and then I'm free to slack and hit the streets. Cackles.

//I don't wanna be in love, lest I know the love is you

Never would I imagine that I'm breaking down the way I am. And it doesn't feel good at all. What good does it do to tell anyone or everyone anything or everything? I don't need anyone to cheer me up, I need help, and approaching anyone won't make a difference, because noone will help. Noone can. All that I have, you have taken away. I'm torn-apart by the words you said.

//and if you could see me now, then I'm almost finally out of words

Let's see. Today's and tomorrow's schedule will be.

Morning : Mugging
Afterrnoon : Mugging
Night : Mugging

Next morning : Mugging
Next afternoon : The paper

I think that should be enough time for me to perfect my knowledge of music for this grade. And yes, I'm still so looking forward to Sunday. I miss all of them.

If you get there before I do,
don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through.
I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down.
Darling wait and see.
And between now and then,
till I see you again,
I'll be loving you.

Love,
Me

It's been an okay day today, pretty much like the other days - ordinary. Tuition sucked as usual, and I still dread Saturday. Sunday oh Sunday, won't you arrive sooner? I'll sleep after blogging, am shagged please. I can just sleep and sleep and stay in slumberland all my life. I love sleep. Jinga, Bf, Mabes, Sher, Bhaf, Daryl, Jason : Can we please please please meet up soon? I miss yall like nothing else, need to catch up with yall. -kisses

Another day that I miss you and don't get to see you. It would be nice, if you'd just be right by my side all the time, I'd pamper you with every ounce of all that I am. I'd spoil you rotten. Let's stay happy, always, together, forever. I'm not going to humour you with countless I love Yous, I'm going to show you how much I do. Even without me saying, deep in you, you know you're someone I can't be without. I can't see me without you, cas everything you are is everything to me.

I realise I've been blogging in this blog just past twelve midnight lately. I'm pretty nervous for this Saturday's paper, not confident at all. Quite a sad case huh. The rain has all fallen and I wish it'd just pour again. I miss the rain.

I miss everything about you. The things you say to turn me off and annoy me, then the things you to to make us up, over and over again. I miss the I Love Yous you'd shower me with just before I turn into bed, I miss smiling because the day ended well. I miss you turning to peek at me, to see if I was noticing you. I miss you dazing right into my eyes, I miss the blushes you cause. I miss you missing me so badly, I want that back. I miss the feeling when we were once shy, once afraid to let the other be aware of feelings we felt for each other.

Things have turned out so complicated, that I daren't predict what the outcome will be. But nevertheless, I love you, all the same.

Drizzles after rain, and rain after drizzles. Lovely weather I'd say, but being cooped at home on this cold cold day without her makes me feel sick, and sad, somehow. The skies clear now at 12:33am after a whole day of downpour. She told me to watch out for some dedication on the radio, I reckon I'll be tuning in til about 1 plus. I'll be cooped up till Sunday, what a drag. I'll just pray that this will be the final obstacle I'll go through til I get a job. Getting a job's a breeze for me, going to tutor English. Grins. Wish me luck everyone!

Gosh gosh, Sunday, boy am I looking forward to that day. Going to meet up with all my good friends and catch up with them, and hopefully CCH and Mabes come, cause I miss them many! I miss Daryl and Blue too, a lot a lot. Am gonna get my butt into bed soon, after I'm done listening to this song.

You raise me up*

Hmmm. I think I'm missing two people in particular. And I think Nique knows who. The same two always. Imagine in a year from now, I'll be helping her with her O's. It'll be fun, if she'd listen, and I'll finally be able to utilise the cane at home. And by the way, JUNE'S BACK!

Quarrelled with mum just when I woke up, what a pleasant surprise. I'll be cooped up at home til Thursday, maybe I'll go meet her, or maybe I shouldn't even go out til Sunday. Theory examination's this Saturday. Need to buck up for the last measly few days I'm left with. Absolutely no confidence for this paper, will just give it my best go.

We'll both study hard, won't we? Practice practice practice.

Now, it's back to typing in paragraphs, no more line-to-line speeches, no more speaking in senseless riddles. Lately it's all about registering and posting, examinations and relationships. Of all those, relationships are, without a doubt, hardest to handle, maintain and comprehend. I've at hand, several problems yet having any solution to be resolved. I hate sentimentalism in others yet I portray so much of that in me. I don't wish to be alone, yet I don't wish to be with company. I'm not happy with all the good things happening to me lately, because at the end of those good things, noone else is there to truly be happy with and for me. I miss my friends, you don't see that.

Yes cheryl, get a life.

YAY!
I'm officially a future student of Temasek Poly.
Sniggers.
Went for entrance test and interview this noon.
They posed questions at me, the man had stupid questions like,
'Were your grandmother's feet bound?'
Apparently I impressed the interviewers with my answers and drawings.
I was definitely nervous, till I had tummyache in the morning before meeting Jinga.
Bumped into Sylwyn(she got into Visual Comm), Cherie, Chups, Stel and Minru.
To everyone who are applying for their courses and to those who need to undergo interviews:
Good luck and all the best!

Had the inspiration to play around with Photoshop,
so I doodle a bit of writings along with my face.
I think it looks cool, I think Nique thinks it's cool too.

Been quarrelling and disagreeing a lot lately with HER.
This sucks okay?
I need a break from all this chaos.

After this Saturday, I'm gonna WORK.
It's either work, or a rich gf/bf.
Mutters.

Oh, did I announce that I did okay for 'O' levels?
Grins.
Tomorrow will be the last stage of confirmation regarding the course I personally want to get into.
My portfolio ready but not my interview answers;
need to plan them wisely and hopefully they'll be happy with the answers.
Pray for me again please, think I'll probably be shaking due to nervousness again.
But anyhow, I'm proud of my art works.
I miss art lessons please.

Okay, enough of that.
Today today today,
today I went for mass at Novena's.
It was fine.
Bought a new pierre cardin black bra and panties, elegant black.
Am gonna make my own dinner this evening.
Cauliflower and cheddar cheese.
Yum yum yum.
I think she's coming over later, soon, and perhaps even staying over.
Yay I have company.
I've been sucha shopaholic lately, can't help it.

To YOU: Stop lying, you've been exposed already.
Giving promises you can never keep to.
TSK please.
Quit getting yourself a high profile for lying,
it's embarrassing for the people who know you.
And since I've already found out, don't continue these lies no more.
I've tried my best, and if my best is to result in you indulging in dishonesty,
I'm sorry, I rest my case on you.