It could have been a better day, had it not been for work. just when things appear to be free for me, looking so enthusiastically to meeting up with darling for a date out at the library, work obligations just pulled me back.

fuck.
i hate it.
why?

U could totally see the word : DISAPPOINTMENT inscripted on my forehead. I wasnt being dissed about having been called back to work. wad to do, military, its all about being operationally ready n stuff. Crap!

I was just being mad at myself for not being able to spend time with you. disappointed that i told u i would have the entire day totally for u, and it ended up all in ruins. it jus really angered me because i really wanted to spend quality time being with u. yes it may not always having to be there physically that matter, but i still yearned because not seeing u for a day is just like depriving a kid from his 'chou chou' , or that not able to see ur favourite pet when he/she longs for u.

Being there physically more than just assurance, its in fact a form of comfort that the person is THERE for u. I miss Lio Shu Yi, i miss the smell of your hair, i miss your smile, i miss your cheesiness, i miss your poking, i miss your disagreements with me, ur "No says who, dont want, we shall see, who wants you to hold my hand" kind of comebacks. its......its an annoyance that is so addictive, knowing that you never mean them.

talk about being contradicting.

i totally am one.

Finished with the gift that am intending to give for darling. its our first monthversary. if there's sucha term haha.
its honestly aint pricey. i refuse to agree with, getting something exorbitant is a worthy measure of how much love is. in fact its bollocks! sincerity and effort put into the gift is the one that matters. One cld get like a thousand dollar worth of expensive products but it wldnt buy love as it jus shows that effort is not being made. whereas it may be just a simple gift that amount only a few dollars, but the amount of effort put into it can sure move heart and mountains.

ok, before darling starts to read too deeply into these words above whether r there hidden meanings. No. it aint directing at baby. just penning how i feel about it :) so u know what i mean eh?

talking about my gift its sweet. literally sweet. top it up with a cute cute book, i m sure sunday will be unforgettable :)

received a text from darling at 1022. totally brought a huge smile across my face. as usual were teasing each other abt everything, when suddenly marriage was on the cards. it totally caught me. first month is yet to up blah blah blah. it didnt surprised me. in fact i m optimistic abt us building towards it. yes u may say Time is not on our side because everything's way to fast. but let me say my piece. I, Neo Han Wei, will prove Time wrong.

Why am i so confident in saying so?

Never in my life have i felt so contented before. Never ever have a girl who showers me so much love and tenderness that leaves me teary. everything that u do, every doubts, inferiority or worries abt the future goes to show how much I matter to Lio Shu Yi. Few girls nowadays would buy stuff and bake things to impress the parents.Few girls are able to have a heart to heart talk with Mum in the wee hours of the night talking about bonding.Few girls would ever wanna make a trip down to the neighbourood library just to read a book with her mum.

You have all done it. You're the perfect girl that i all ever wanted. i may be flawed, i may not be the most charming guy, one that can understand everything u think, n not having u to say out how u feel, but i can dare say that my heart makes up for everything. i love you with all my heart. if u need me to cry my heart out, i did n i will.

shit. cant think of any more to say. but darling,
yeah u'll get my point. :)

Let all doubts be cleared from the sunshine skies that belong to US. let all unhappiness be rough stones on our walkways which we overcome together, learning from the mistakes and making us ever stronger. let all joys be like cuddling together on a lazy sunday morning, catching lightnings together on bedside, listening to john mayer's slow dancing in the burning room, and the presence of us that suffice.

You're my Love.




Bobby
1110H

"Happiness comes from the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed".

With you, I am happy. I ask for nothing more.

4 days.

what seem like only a short span of 4 days, is like 4 years to me. Was totally feeling emo earlier on when i walked u up to ur doorstep.

If only you could read my eyes which were screaming to tell u "Dont leave my side for a single moment. i need you"
its hard to fathom that i am falling so deep into you. and it gets deeper each time i'm with you. it scares me in a way to how u are so worried abt the future. but i guess all these worries goes to show one thing, that we matter alot to each other.

its funny that no matter how much words u put in, how much u keep re-assuring to convince u that we are here to stay, it wldnt be enough simply because the future is way too, ambiguous as u said.

call me a blockhead, or simply someone who aint expressive enough, but I dare say that i m here with you and for u, for good. u brought me happiness which i ve never felt in my 22 yrs of life. you made me feel myself, u made me feel me. abandonment, forsake or growing sick are just shit jargons that dun exist in my dictionary of love for u.

I dont do regrets rmb? and i hope u dont too, for it wld be devastating, shattering. u mentioned about putting in more wld mean gettin hurt even more. but i choose to refute that. call it puttin a risk if u want, but its my trust for u that i m willing to put my entire happiness into the bottle :Us.

Immensely shagged now, but its the thoughts of u lingering in every single moment of my mind that keeps me going. You're all i ever asked for Lio Shu Yi.

I love you.

Bobby
1149H

Sweeping silence, outlining so much that's been left unsaid. Strangely, it was a form of quietude that chilled the ladders of my spine. There and then and once again, I felt ambiguity. It was easy to speak thoughts and have them assured, it was an easy situation whereby all I was required to do was to ask a "could you stay and never leave?", with returned confidence of an "I vow I'd never", but we know nothing's ever certain, regardless of the stability we both share and the happiness we exchange.

It's difficult, possessing perfection, only to fully understand that perfection never lasts like we claimed it would. Afterall, anything and everything is possible, with the granting of time and its trials. It's not the perfection that I'm deliriously in love with, it's just the completion that stirs this irreplaceable perfection. It's the pieces that make you up and the puzzles that riddle us both a complete fit. I'd do anything for you, I know I would.

Still I'll ask, just to hear you speak the answers in affirmation, would you stay and never leave?

Pilot.

It was a horrid day at work.
Work politics.
seeing how some pple being ever so plastic in front of seniors and jus not showing little respect to pple who r more junior.

It basically spoilt my monday.

Until..

Darling changed everything.
The Apple Crumble which totally crumbled me into romantic pieces, it was sweet. literally and tastefully. I feel so loved with every effort u put into it.

Then came the cheese tarts with it. it was a beautiful gestures so much so the tarts r like imprinted "solely for neo han wei" on it.
Poor dad was eyeing them but didnt get the chance. Unfortunately haha.

The heart to heart talk was magical. it literally brought us closer both physically and emotionally. its a feeling way better than Sex. although darling thinks i m a chee kor pek boy, decent but lusty haha. i wont deny but its the love for u that i want to respect u.
The numerous doggies we saw at the park, with ur ever so "sooooooooo cuttttteee" kind of baby talk. it fills me with utter joy that i have such a pretty and witty and loving and charming and filial girl by my side. I m truly blessed.

Ended the day with a short chat at ur place. bringing me to ur favourite haunt to emo. talking about open topics with OPEN mindedness haha, and summed it all up with a kiss that makes me go "awwwwwwwwwwww"

r u feeling me guys? its surreal haha.

had to leave, ur mum's worrried, hated to see u board the lift up. wished the hug wld have brought time to a standstill. Fatigue was setting into me big time, but its You, Cheryl Deliah Whitney Lio Shu yi that puts all my worries, throws my fatigue away into the horizon.

I think i m still a blockhead when comes to matters of the heart, understanding how a girl is thinkin n stuff. but trust my every word, my every alphabets in this entry, which works out to be 3107498237598 words, my heart is yours to keep, my fragile heart is urs to love. my heart pains when i heard abt ur painful past.

So it taught me well these past experiences to be a better man, to treat and uphold u my love. i must and I will.

Lio Shu Yi, Neo Han Wei loves you.

Bobby
0130H

"There was a feint line between love and hate, you heard that cliche all the time. But no one told you that the moment you crossed it would be the one you least expected. You'd fall in love and crack open a secret door to let your soulmate in. You just never expected such closeness, one day, to feel like an intrusion"

-The Tenth Circle, Jodi Picoult-

Like a tattoo gradually inking and staining under skin, you have grown an impression in me, something that indelibly sets a permanent stay. Lies that sat upon our tongues will not break us apart; they're mistakes, and we'll learn. Giving up isn't in my books. We'll look ahead together.

You try to hit me just to hurt me so you leave me feeling dirty cause you can't understand.

Tears fall too proud. You've just reminded me of how painful it can be to love.

It's a lonely fight.

Tell me it's just a bad dream.

Everybody undergoes transitions. It's not like I have yet to watch a Taurean go through such changes. I have breathed the requirement to adapt and if the standards do not adjust to the criterias arranged, I would be dungeoned in that blackness I never would want to be near imagining to be acquainted with once more. I know you remember the abyss I now call Backdrives and I know I'll exist to breathe these changes one more time.

How rare it is, that people say what they mean and mean what they say. I believe nobody practices that and I believe too, that I'm not a practioner of my own preachings. The world revoles one big cycle and bites people right on their conniving hypocricy. So what.

So the world still bites.

People don't just stay the same. Same goes for the years that clock by, the numbers drift further in increments that we can only wait to live and thus live to tell. Time waits for nobody, and time is cruel. Time is an irony, one of beauty and of gravity. With two intercepting ambiguity that spells just by their terms, there you have it, an understanding with no words literated.

I can only pray.

So I'll forevermore tell you that I'm fine and I really am and forevermore will be. You are reading my life. I have to work for this and you don't quite comprehend the desperation I'm facing here with failures constantly tugging at my ass reminding me I was never good enough for her.

No I didn't think you would get it. But it's alright. I'm fine.

His polluting laughter is still ringing in my deafened ears. His antics on road still shakes my laughters crazy and I get a tingle everytime he smiles. He complains about protruding veins in his arms but I fancy them perfect the way they are. He does his turnings and admits he's a know-nothing at handling women with cramps. Cheese smeared all over his mouth draws a certain lining across my face called a smile. He makes me wish I had a snap of camera shot of every silly stunt he pulls. His constant harping of my addiction to mochi mochi amplifies my little big voice and makes me feel understood. He - my wonderful Bobby B.

June, a delectable month many was greeted with love, a day of 30 standing to luster the dimmed globes that people waste closetted and shelled, one where a passing face evolves into a beautiful discovery of romance.

So to speak, it all bloomed from a lovely May evening for me. There isn't a single being in this entire circle of blues and greens that doesn't search for a home in another heart. Silly instincts. We dip in, foot by foot, delving into possibilities and familiarizing with a stranger's inside-outs.

While the years prolonged and thus came to their lasts, no doubt I was jaded and faithless. But June, oh sweet half of years, had me delievered from the highest up of aboves, a certain someone whom at long last made me abandom all paranoia and inhibitions. And June, has been blissful. There's still half the month left to go!

Hey Mr Kembang, you're my June in every song. I've been home, and I lost it, and now I'm home once again. It differs, yet feels entirely similar. The rollercoaster of a journey has been worth it. The process from then till now, the wait, the finding, the realising, every speck of this path. Thank you for the sunshine.

Just this morning, I had all the captions to these pictorial sentimentals mindmapped. Now that I'm down to penning down, I realised, the simplest of words are the ones that weigh the gold. Photographs serve their purposes, to lock times designed painting all colours of emotions. For the longest mile, my head was cramped with assortments of theories, hypothesis, principles and know-it-alls. Being knowledgeable and almost psychic in this big little world doesn't serve me too kind sometimes, but the other times suffice just fine to get me by. My muse just doesn't do my intents justice, but I'm hoping this much would do.

Anyway, pictures again!

Passing Out Parade (POP LOH!). Congratulations to Yan Long, Treviz, Ivan, Jun Wei, Jian Long and Hsien Zhuan.

The duo.

The sunset is breathtakingly gorgeous. The hat was really damp with pespire.



Haji Lane with BK and boyfriend. My photography mojo has made a come back! The camera died out on us before we could even head to Punggol beach for more photo-taking sessions. Leisha and I were being our usual girly-selves, ranting and bitching and going crazy in the car. It was one hell of a good time.

Window shopping at boutiques down Haji Lane.

I love love love absolutely love this photo. It looks like a Flesh Imp photoshoot.

Their glasses and shades are gorgeous! I'll be heading there someday to make them mine!

The lighting and casting of shadows were perfect.

Gathering at Vivocity's Marche.

Camp smoking kakis.

Ex-mirror x2.

POP!

A city with streets lit by two. Smiles overpouring with sentiments immeasurable by materialistic words. Didn't you listen, I told you that I loved you. Silhouettes of future plans prance in the work of these lurks. You steal all woes and happiness, to recreate remembrance of newer ones. A love poem, a love song, a lovely thought of you as we dance. Time and its twine should it matter not, for you are here and for this it ends a sought. A sought for passion, a discovery of sacrifice, I love you, and may this be enough to suffice.

Where are we? What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.

Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.

Some days love fills and embalms the air with pretty wandering flutters, other days the ship is left abandoned and wrecked, in stirring painful remnants you forgot to take away with you the moment you set off from the shores I founded. You eloped with your life and ambitions just like a prodigal, and I was left anchored in the burdened sands of your footprints.

We've visited this island a million trips before but our sails have long stopped over and passed forth, in individual streams forevermore.

If you can't be happy, just decline sorrow.

It's enigmatic, how my cold has come to a halt whilst you're sailing with a nasty turn of health. A strange wave of telepathy frequents, Unknowingly, you honour pride in perpetually succeeding to thieve thriving apprehension.



Come near, I'll nurse all ailments and warm your cold the way you did mine.

This, is my if-I-get-there.

Life was good to me but you just made it better; until you.

I've turned 21 and I'll tell you, my life has never been better. With a rumble of words congested amidst sentimental pleasures that life offers, images would do my days best justice. I'll begin my indites with my birthday bashes.

Thank you once again, too all who have brightened my days with incessant laughter, joy and nostalgia.

3 watches from Gen!

From Desmond

From Potato, Leisha and Desmond.

The chalet!

Darren, Ivan and me. I was really surprised Darren attended! The Andrew people!
The ones I hold so dear.
The traditional "taupok"

My little Hougang boyfriends. The sabotage begins
The sabotaged

Camp High Achievers rockers!

Then more surprised me with their arrivals!

Farhan!

Nick!

The pooch with mittens Boyfriend bought this cake!

My presents from colleagues

The family celebration

Aww, presenting my dearest blood relations

Camwhoring in the car

The boyfriend's surprise. The day we became us.

The all-family barbeque with boyfriend

Mine (:

My good-looking nephews Lios
Boyfriend struggling to open the bottle of wine

I've never seen them both smile in a photo, until this. (:

I love this photo

They love him, seriously.

Hey, she's heavy

I love you too Popo

My 16 pointer!

Tampines secondary - 2e5

The skies are beautiful, aren't they?


I love this girl!

Chee hwa trying to pick a papaya

Song session - night one

Toilet platoon

Me and my mirror

The morning emotional stirrings in a chief For sentimental purposes
(Haha) Don't ask
2e5, our pride and joy

Looking at the photos, I'm indeed going to miss my days at CampHA terribly. It has been a roller coaster of an experience, one that's endeared and unforgettable. I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to Andrew Quek and Ian Ho, the two best CICs, for grooming me and having faith in the potential I possessed. Thank you, for the greatest memories, appreciated opportunities, and weeks of gruelling (but fun) camps. Politics may have gotten in our way, but you both hold the cake of my admiration and respect most amongst all others. I could never thank you both enough.

CampHA has indeed provided me with the best chances to renew my tainted past and regenerate this new leash of blissful life I have never dreamed to have but still have discovered. Thank you CampHA, and to all those whom I have worked with the past half a year.

With all that's moving on so smooth-sailingly, worry is but void. The only things lacking are my admission confirmation and his scholarship confirmation. The boyfriend's parents even went to the extent of asking me if I'd prefer many children in the family, during the meet-the-parents dinner. His parents are really hospital and thoughtful, which lessens the worry more.

As for my family, they adore this NHW of mine. My grandmother was overwhelmed with pride and joy when she met him. It's an irreplaceable emotion, to be fully aware that people I love, are in entire acceptance of the choices I make.

And with all these progressing gradually, it feels more right as each day clocks by. It's a wonderful reality and I will do nothing less than to cherish the man I've made decision to be with.

I'm nearly complete now, but I'm completely contented. You have thus showed and proved to me that you got me there and you got me through it. Thank you Lord, for my family, my potato and Leisha, my Dana and Phoebe, my education, my blessed days, my NHW and your loving grace.

And you, my NHW, sleep well and all the best for your scholarship presentation in the morning. Till this weekends. (: