Angry, finally.

When I say stop, just stop. When I say it irritates me, don't do it again just to test the waters of my temperament. When I tell you a 'no' and you know it's a 'yes', I'm trying to imply to you to stop probing. When I cry, you're supposed to stop whatever you're doing because it draws excessive tears to my eyes. When I remind you to close the door after you head out of the room so that the air-conditioner wouldn't leak, close it so I wouldn't have to tire myself out from nagging at you. When I tell you I'm annoyed and angry because you threw a bolster at my face whlie I was sleeping, don't put the blame on my friends and tell me that my friends have taught me how to be temperamental and foul-mannered. When I'm finally angry (for example, now), just go away because you're the last person I need cooing me. I'm angriest with myself for trying my fucking best only for you to be seeking refuge and happiness in the arms of somebody we quarrelled over day after day (and night after night).

Same question I ask myself day after day and night after night: why would anything matter now, if it didn't then?

Honestly, I'm quite sick and tired of everything (I'm referring to the whole cycle of humanity and the portrayal of human nature), if you can't already tell. I'm so angry with myself, I'd gladly take the leap off the 11th storey after typing this.

I hate the state I've become to be - feeling oversize and overweight and humongous all the time all because you told me she was thinner (it made me feel fat and bulgy and cellulite-injected, which is why I resulted in purging), feeling too short to be good enough for anyone because you told me she was taller (and obviously being taller would be an advantage, but this, I wasn't able to alter or control), drowning in poverty to provide anyone sufficient happiness for happiness to be called happiness all because you shot it to my face that she was richer than I was, trying to achieve in any aspect I can so that I can outstage her in any scenario I'll be put down with, trying to piece up perfect chemistry although I'm fully aware that that will never be again in the history of my life (written and to be written); just so fucking self-conscious of how I appear to you.

Do you even realise how much it still stings where it hurts the most? At the end of every session being angry, I cry it off because my anger will be your pain.

You're here now, but you weren't here when I needed you the most. I was too much for you to handle that you decided that ignorance is bliss. Well, your ignorance towards me caused me all these. I'm this way now, and I cannot undo any of it.

I've let everything I've wanted to say for so long, out. I've forgiven, now I'll learn to forget.

I'd run straight into your arms and promise you eternity and place myself at vulnerability's foot, if you felt sorry a month and nineteen days ago.