Currently undergoing the process treatment of Banana Boat's Sunless Tanning Lotion, since baby generously gifted it to me sometime this week. She's purchased a bottle for herself too. Together, we screened Ice Age 2 the movie. There was a couple of scenes and characters which resembled her immensely.

Pay's arrived in my bank account, which means I can now schedule my hair appointment. She and I are contemplating on colouring the same shades. The thought of it really exhilerates. Retail therapy's set on this Sunday, which doubles the adrenaline rushes because I have so much I desire to splurge on at the moment. It will be our sixteenth months of get-together this second April; how much life is settling down in one aspect. She agreed to accompanying me for the Design Diploma Show, which triples the happiness.

At a random void deck, we were holding a lost-and-found heart-to-heart conversation, which really soothed my insecurities partially. Reminiscing on the honeymoon phase in the fresh months of our relationship, I really miss so much of what has been lost. However, I'm throwing in my best shot regardless of whether honeymoon period will return or not; only because my baby's exclusive. Pardon me for my digression.

"I can get to know many girls. I can go out with girls. It's not that I don't want us to quarrel. I just don't want it to affect you because I know it would."

Nimiety of the undone burdens; faith, imprisoned. Down under, the recesses of those dungeons trap sturdiness of strong and standing feet; retaining release. Long-time sweethearts droven to woeful bouts of tears; life-long marriage vows shortened to a temporary gesture of infatuation. Jubilation spells the past of two forlorn lovers, beautitude was a glory of numerous yesterdays. Enchanting tales scripted from a vivid scope of imagination runs in the ghettos of reality. Oublie, the ever near yet far cherish.

Insecurites are misting multitudes of fear; it's written all over my face. You're feigning ignorance, aren't you?

A guardian she clothed her role in, safeguarded her feeble mortal from tainting aglow. Eleven flights up and across, with the rim of her cigarette ashing while witnessing eccentric faux pas at the other side of where affinity was marked. Serenity she put forward in her act of selflessness, abode she made my heart's rest at.

Heartfelt gratitude, with wings of sails and depths of genuity.

//

This is going to be an arduously long entry only because I have so much to rant and rave about.

Family drama hit the records yesterday. Nique and I are back together and that makes me a fucking happy woman. I bet that bitch knows how much I love her by now (oh ya, thus explaining the paragraph and one line above). I was fortunately accompanied by MJK (does it in Nique's slang) throughout the two days during domestic warfare. She was watching me from the opposite block last night, which gushed back tonnes of memories from our earlier months of get-together.

Monday and Tuesday, I've been working on a fucking preloader for fastidious employers and clients. Double that! Well, at least MJK soothes some of the pressure I've been receiving from every end.

Animal-abuse. Visit this link (Warning: Not for the feint-hearted. And I bet Nique will fucking spit profanities to me after she sees this.)
http://chinese.cari.com.my/myforum/viewthread.php?tid=495237

Viewed it? Seriously, shock is brimming in me. I am enraged. What the fuck is wrong with this asshole? Why, she's even wearing leopard's skin. Wonder if she trampled the leopard to gory death too. Fucking retard.

Am in such a mood to implode into swears and curses. Menstrual cramps just do not complement with fatigue and stress. Currently really missing MJK and feeling so foul from the tiredness I'm wearing. I love you Nique.

Tossed black coins, bound by habitual expectations. Colourfully adornments paint cold expressions with a splash of sight's astonishments. Fear, ever timidly curtained behind by guards of facades. Angels vanish in howls of white surrender, abandoning all needy of them on earth. A place, where love ices next to a bonfire; a den, where love is unrequited.

Home is where the heart is. So they proclaim. Venial are blemishes of humanity, unexcusable are the cruel. Hers she keep, her lacuna. Home is nowhere found.

A ticket, in frivolous search for utopia. Keen faces she reconciles her soul with; familiar recallings she sanes herself to; felicity she bubbles herself in. Exploxions of daffodils and roses hug her at the ray of daylight, dulcet crickets and floating fireflies dancing to their proudest talents just for her.

Repel the infliction from her swollen eyes, lift the suppression within her tight chest, kiss her uptight chiselled lips, embrace her incessant fears, lead her where she needs to be, forgive her for past bad-doings and most of all, be her sturdy pillars against the break-upon of a tidal crash. Loved ones, provide her strength. Lord, grant her strength.

Everything hurts so much now. I don't know how long my tolerance will endure this ordeal. I'm on the shelf, whilst you're down there choosing between the other alternatives from the shelf. You're the only one I believed in settling down, marrying, building a home together with, bearing children for, growing old with and a lifetime promise. You used to need me to share the same vision with you. I've fallen so hard and deep, and I really want it with you. Now, I don't know if you need me to believe in that. My heart's smudged with pain, can't you tell? My eyes are swelling from fatigue, doesn't it ache your heart? My emotions are faking in front of you because I'm afraid, aren't you in worry? Why did you have to break it to my face in anger that you regret this 15 months and that you hated yourself for loving me? How did things end up like that? Why do I need you, whilst you're needing to be alone? Why can't you just tell, that I've been trying my best to amend for my mistakes, and not to hurt you? How do you feel when you say things that pains me? My mind's in a whirlpool of irony and contradiction, don't you want to be with me always?

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Your touch, your skin, can't believe the way you let me in
Don't rush tonight, I need you like the ocean needs the tide.

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

I always thought I would stand on my own
Climb a mountain top all alone
Relying, depending on no one
Now look at what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I cant fake it.
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do.

Never thought I could love you
Never thought I could need you
Never thought I could want you
The way I do

I love you
I need you
I want you
..the way I do

Monotony interludes against time. Wrongdoings become condemned as unredeemable, they thrust the forgiveable into taboo's territories. Any amount of genuine compensation will be doubted as credulous. We all seek different forms of solace. The family living next to ours discover domestic security in mandarin drama serials; my dad pursues relief in gambling with his mates. Unbelieveably, my solace is disoriented, caused by uncountable factors between sometime then and now.

A wholesome family is all I've desired for. Perhaps, not my biological family; perhaps, it will fulfill in my fully-etched relationship with Nique in time to arrive; perhaps, nothing will ever head the ideal way I carved. The political mindset inculcated from family-building has scarred my perfect vision of a happy family. I used to hold faith in the spiritual being, conserving the hope that time and love changes everything.

I know not the point of this entry. In fact, all that's be written seems like gibberish. I'm just praying for the old couple to forgive one another and that he'll take things in stride to recuperate as quickly as he can.

2002, Miss Chai performed a duet in special dedication for Marion. 'Love Me' by Colin Raye. As she tuned herself to this fine melody, many on the floor were still mourning; hearts still clamped with biting emptiness and shock. Death's still so painful.

Today as I listen to this number, a bitter-sweet sensation chokes my thoughts. A seed of allowance is stuck at my throat, and I don't want to cry. Still, I miss you.

I can't count the days since I let myself permit back to old times, when you once existed here. You were the best kind of friend anyone could wish for, and I'm thankful for all that I'm granted. Things might take a three-sixty turn if you were here, if only you were here.

Because I can't seem to pick myself up. Takes more than words to describe how badly I wish things were different.

Great! The day is through with this flash animation for RedHat.com. I'm famished, considering I survived on a sandwich today. Off to meet NC in a few minutes. Almost fully done with the designs for NC's new blog template. 'Fucking asshole'. Pay day's supposedly on Monday. I'm crossing my fingers that it doesn't delay later than that.

I love you baby.

Swerving into an ambiguous thing called a relationship marks one at a spot of multiple risks. You place yourself at radiating propellers and anticipate much uncertainties, with no defined resolution to every situation and cirumstance. Something called Life crushes you like a serpent under a saint's foot, allowing struggle and helplessness to consume on the diet of hope you're surviving on. Living is hard. It always is. Trials and tribulations are presented under your nose at almost every tick of your life, but The One above is stingy about the good things he distributes. Unhappy montages are always recalled to be more vivid and unforgettable, whereas felicity facilitates in a blur (but are also memorable). Routines run in a cycle of monotony.

So I know the girl that brightens my world is on the verge of an emotional and physical Titanic (its fall). If it helps, I'd like to be the one to shelter some of the downpour from whichever side she's at.

To You,
Your pain overwhelms me with fear and uncertainty. I have never been to the extent of feeling as forlorn as you over one particular problem, but I'd like to share this remembering experience. There is no You, no I, it just spells Us. See how that fits so nicely into a sentence assembled by simple words. As much as you'd wish to be there for me to tide me over through this family and financial crisis, I'd like to ditto that. Collapse in my arms and seek refuge in whining to me. I'll do anything for you but leave you storming through this alone. Cheer up and smile. I love you so much.

P/S, We'll take a trip down to Temasek Design School and I will buy you Breaded Chicken with Nacho Cheese.

Besides my girlfriend, the only other thing keeping me sane and slightly more rejuvenated is internet radio. However, the girlfriend's not in the most pleasant of moods so I should just stick to internet radio.

The dark, gloomy, pouring weather is causing much hestitation and procrastination if I should walk a bit more to the hawker centre because I am craving for sliced fish soup.

Nothing's really helping. Life doesn't make much sense (got this phrase from 3 Doors Down's Away From The Sun). The only thing spinning sensibility is my girlfriend, who acts up sometimes too. Apart from that, I feel so screwed but the reasons are all subconscious. Can't piece them up.

Lunch was atrocious. Weather still glum. Still tuned in to internet radio. Drifting into semi-conscious sleep while typing. Black Eyed Peas' Pump It is a really stupid song. I switched Winamp off and change my listening taste to my own collection of songs. I wonder if NC misses me. A devastating track keys into mind (Ai Wo Hai Shi Ta). Supposed to be working on a new website interface but I'm really too tired to get my butt down to doing it. I've not been fatigued all the time; I undergo constant long days and short nights. I'm wondering if NC will reply my texts. Somewhere in my stuck tiredness, my heart feels weighed. Everything I'm working for seems to be sailing away from me. Then again, maybe I'm just indulging in the emo-ness while it's at its climax of melodramatism.

I wish all of you would look at me try my best so I wouldn't have to face mean accusations for being such a good-for-nothing all the time.

Ray J - Anytime
Yeah you know what this is
You granted all my wishes
And damn it im gon miss it if we fade away
I don't wanna be down
Lovin' you I have found
Girl I want u around
Always

Don't you believe that
Nobody needs you cuz I do
I need all of you baby
If u can see that
Nobody needs you like I do
I need all of you baby

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Oh, ain't no need for frontin babygirl I believe
And everything u doin shorty know this
You play a real big part in
Keepin' me on my feet
And I love u so much i won't blow this

Don't u believe that
Nobody needs u cuz I do
I need all of you baby
If u can see that
Nobody needs u like I do I need all of u baby

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Ain't no way ill ever be thru with u
Baby let me know if we can make it
Cuz i wanna be there, baby can i be there?
Anywhere i dont care

Anytime im needin someone
I think of u for comfort, can u feel me?
Anytime ur feelin down or
Need a friend for comfort, can u feel me?

Girl, whenever im down I think of u to lift me up
And if u ever need a friend
If you ever need someone to talk to
I'm right here
I'll never leave
I love you

Edit//5:32pm
For the whole day, I've been nothing but listless. My whole body is limp from the lack of sleep. My ear phones are destroyed (thanks to me, myself and I) and I'll need to get them replaced or you'll always find me asleep during work. Yay for me, because I'll be meeting NC really soon. We've been hanging out a lot at Boat Quay's Coffee Bean (can't help it since it's so near my workplace).

I bet the term 'School' is refreshing for NC since her pioneer semester at SIM will commence in the first week of April. How soon is that. This equates to me having measly amount of time with her. My days are going to be absolutely so lonely.

Interface, interface, interface; one after another. I'm on the brink of dozing off and raging into a fit in my sleep. Life gets so restless when there's nothing new to do everyday. My pack of nicotine's with NC so I've been deprived of proper breathing for god-knows-how-many-hours.

I love you NC!

Being the guy-crazy and idle bitch Dana is, she came up with this. Hahaha!!!



I was attempting to churn out a few paragraphs by 6pm. Well, it's 6pm!

NC finalizes "today's quite an achivement, agree?"

Being a superb girlfriend, I travelled the extra mile (pun intended) to surprise her with the cap and bandana she had always wished to get. Indeed, the overwhelming joy expressed on her face was all worthwhile. Around half an hour was spent putting the bandana and the cap into proper fixation. NC's got a new cap, bandana and an MCP shirt (which she looks so amazingly sexy in). Me? Two smart-casual pants and a halter top. Dinner and drinking were joined together by choosing Harry's (again). This round, we had Magarita Strawberry, but she complained that the Tequila added in wasn't enough (but still ended up tipsy from consuming almost the whole jug).

It does feel refreshingly pampering when she cooks breakfast while I loiter around searching for things to do. Night spent at her place was intimate and divine.

Punk hunk.



















Still so much in love with you.

Piano notes twirling to nimble fingertips; bass of white and black keys clash a deafening reservation; celebrating to music of tonight. With champagnes of flutes hollering in unison, with refined elegance sweeping the majestic ballrooms, with curtains that drape away debris, fear weaves to its exit.

Cellos in perfection coordination wheel in serenity while its echos satiate ample space. Tranquilty that surrounds touches a deeper person within and swells a sagging humanity.

Music returns me my senses.

It is the same everyday. The overused term in my life, 'Discipline' and 'Obligations' toll me out of a snug and cosy bed. I draw aside my comforters and check for her showers of love in texts. Taking baths in the mornings are such chores, trudging back to my room from my dad's is worse when the climate of his room is arctic.

Without fail, every trip to Raffles Place is always tediously lengthy, cramped with crowds bustling to and fro. I try to steal a standing-nap but the attempts turn futile when the motion of the quick-moving train jerks me in embarrassing jolts. Next, thoughts of her wheel my mind like hasty, impatient wind...

The story would never end, so I will end it here, with me thinking about you.

April will knock our doors in haste, and tertiary education will commence for you. So glad for you about the April-application and intake, but other matters are weighing me down. Deep within, you are clear-eyed about the insecurities I'm shielding myself from to brave. Time is uncontrollable when I'm next to you; at times it freezes and sometimes I feel rushing adrenaline that flushes apparent blushes. April, a month of reluctant premonitions and foresight. Different emotions are stirring in me and I fear too much for you to comprehend. There's this one where I'm afraid you'd be accustomed to being without me through the hectic schedules and academic catch-ups; of change. There's another where I'm not anticipating other females displaying and professing attraction towards you. However, I know that this is the time I should halt, from squeezing you too tight. You need to spread your wings and pick your life up independently. My only hope is that you'll still need me now and always, schooling or not, work or without, sorrow or joy. I will be here to provide you with every ounce of my support. I'll never stress you up and pressure you with paranoia, hysterical traumas, unhappy things. I just want you to be happy.

And yes, I will agree to the pact we made at Harry's yesterday; the one whereby we'd leave specific hours of the day just for a little bit of sheer loving. We've come together more than a couple of times, but this has never been the same as any of those. Those, were just thoughtless, senseless, irresponsible scraps of my past. You make up such a big portion of my life's story. 14 months weren't easy to earn. The obstacles were mutiple and multiplied, but my insides still flutter when your texts are sweet and brimming with concern. Such a long way getting from there to here, with chemistry and affinity still bubbling with sparks. I love you so much. You are so dear to me, more precious than any gem will ever be.

Fucking miss you. Going to smother you with kisses tomorrow.

NC and I purchased Nike bags, hers being black with gold linings and mine with the inversion of her colour style. Bought a skirt and a pair of VNC heels. Get it? vNC heels. Chilled at Harry's with Magarita Passionfruit. Next try will go to strawberry.

Target for next shopping item on-list is the tube top at Warehouse! And, I want to see you soon NC. Miss you already. Every moment spent is worthwhile and joyous. Looking forward to the next weekend - stayover at NC's!

What more can I say? Splendid evening last night. The heads haven't arrived, so I'm grabbing the time to fill my dailies in. I've emptied a whole mug of coffee by 9.48am, which really goes to show how fatigued I am from work. Payday's in a couple of week's time and I need to resist all temptation from retail therapy before then.

NC and I have got individual commitments (work and internship) currently, but things have been sailing considerably smooth for the both of us. We've been sorting mess up, patching loopholes up and working towards settling down. Everything is heading towards the best, and I am glad beyond words.

Tabuleh tahan. Hitting the malls tomorrow with NC.

//

Inexpensive delight
Deliberate exchanges under a Thursday's moonlight
Frolicking meticulously, in staccato steps
A sway in our struts, none parts
Simplicity laces with saccharine whisperings
Felicity, a meal-meet brings
Intimacy amplifies by crescendos
Gushing adrenaline, wholesome tones
Heart
Mine chained by sturdy solders
Heart
Yours bound to mine

No matter how tough reality gets when it sets in, no matter how hard you try to turn my love into stone scorn for you, no matter how mean you push yourself to be, I am always here, with the same capacity of love for you.

I miss you so much. I wish we wouldn't enrage into disputes so often. I wish you'd feel your heart wrench hearing me cry over the phone. I wish you'd take things in better stride. I wish you would trust me when I proclaim myself to you. I wish I had more time for you. I wish you had more time for me. I wish we'd move in together. I wish I could relish safety in your arms day and night, not having to be a second with you out of my sight. I wish I could stop being squeezy. I wish I could contain my emotions in a more discreet way. I wish I wouldn't bawl like an asthmetic patient everytime you turn away from me. I wish I wouldn't contradict myself by sobbing while encrypting my feelings into words. I wish you could comprehend the depth of my seriousness and commitment towards you so you would never question yourself about my love. I wish I wouldn't listen to "So Sick" and be reminded of our relationship's downs. I wish I could relate to "Could Not Ask For More" and envision me scaling that aisle with you. I wish you would text me now telling me you love me. I wish you wouldn't answer me with "don't-know"s when you are flaring at me. I wish you would bottle up yourself from me. I wish we could be what we were. I wish I was the person I was when we started off as honeymoon-lovers. I wish I could undo all the shame I derived from hurting you. I wish I could settle my lips onto yours and speak to you lip-to-lip and our hearts would meet in sync. I wish I could spend the night out with you tonight, ruffling your shaggy hair and gazing at the face which is hiding so much affections from me. I wish I could massage your aching shoulders, with you thanking me for doing so by holding onto my hands and kissing them. I wish you would do the usuals, ransacking my bag to get my handphone so that you could scan through all the messages and calls; the jealous girlfriend I love you being. I wish we could go stationery shopping, with you testing out assortments of pens with your retarded handwriting. I wish you still had my favourite 'proudface'. I wish you could whine to me this very moment to turn some attention to you while I my face is stuffed with work. I wish I hadn't have to shut my eyes just to prevent the tears from being visible. I wish I could call you this second and pour out to you about how much I've been missing you today and for the rest of everyday. I wish I could present the world to you in a golden platter. I wish I could gift you with every single thing you eye for at malls. I wish we wouldn't stop having heart-to-heart conversations under the wooden huts. I wish I paid more heed to the distances you were running for me before you gave up on romance because I failed to react aptly. I wish I could patrol your workplace now to hug you tight. I wish you knew how much strength your love provides me with. I wish you'd understand how handicapped I am without you. I wish you would know that I cannot, don't want, and will not survive being without you. I wish you wouldn't blame me for my paranoia. I wish I could dismiss my hysterical self when bad things crop up. I wish you'd whine at the lack of my attention to you, I wish you'd make a gigantic fuss over my void of attention towards you. I wish you were around now to listen to me cry. I wish I could be more sensitive towards your feelings instead of being oversensitive towards your lack of sensitivity towards me. I wish I could embrace you close and tie my neck with yours. I wish I could take a sniff at your cologne and not forget it. I wish memories could sustain my survival. I wish I wasn't such a attention-seeking spoilt brat. I wish we needn't have to ever walk out of each other's shadows each time a problem surfaces. I wish you'd ring me up to tell me you miss me; that you need to see me badly. I wish you'd irritate me with your "Can't Touch This". I wish Forever wouldn't be that hard to attain. I wish our parents would accept us. I wish I didn't have to put my face this close to reality. I wish I was younger, to suit your age so that we wouldn't have age-issues during quarrels. I wish we would someday be able to have an apartment with our dreams equipped in it. I wish I'd change; I wish you'd too. I wish, nothing was impossible.

And I wish you could just stay for good.

Boredom compels you to a one-way end, which spells Neopets. You make entrance into Neoworld, and gain insight on people above 18 signing up for such services, like yourself. Picking up cheat codes for achieving exceeded neopoints for Little17Turbo12, a miniature Red Xweetok, you notice yourself stashing away time ideally meant for the purpose of improving design skills during internship. You know life's going to be smooth-sailing when your employer arrives to work everyday with newly-woven excuses for her void of punctuality. Likewise, your hand stills on the desktop mouse while you drift into another realm called Sleep, and you begin dancing into an unconscious circle of surreal life. Your head slinks down in shameful thuds; your awareness diminishing. At the back of your senses, you hear a sexed-up number crooning hornily to the unrealism within that another world that coincides subtly against the dead office walls that guard you from the outside. The public is your paparazzi. Your dreams become solace.

A person nears your vision and pops into it abruptly. This person, is the most important person in your life. Nique is mine. What about yours?

First Week of Student Internship Programme & 14th Monthsary!

Cosy abode The action boss with our actual executive seats
Another follows
The emo shots they dig - the Bung Shot
Her to me. All three below.
She loves Macdonalds fries. The look on her face denies her fetish for Mac's french fries.
This, is her love
We sunk into a deeper hobby of the night - taking full body pictures of one another at various landmarks of Raffles Place.
My love decided to think a little out-of-the-box and feign being drunk by clinging onto a lamp-post.
So, she compelled me to follow suit. Well, I couldn't hug it with my slippery slippers, could I?
Love and her lovely gift
Such a sweet laughter being caught on digital technology. Such shots are reasons why I love tagging a camera around me.
There, emo-ness full-flushed.
The idea of this picture is to clamp the tiny portrait of me between her elephante dunks.
(Baby, love me for this shot?)
Following the dramatic latter
Some close-ups will do a wondrous day like this justice.
Looking so good together. Afterall, it's been 14 months.
Touched up a few of the nicer photographs with texts or visual contrast.
Personal favourite of the day. Hopefully, NC will fancy this too.

So maybe my entries have been a little carried away by the on-going internship, but this won't fray mushy sweet-nothings. I love you NC!

Something I consider fucking hilarious for a boring Flash-bloated Thursday. In case you're wondering, that fellow is Stephen Chow.





Okay, I cannot wait to meet NC later!

NC, I miss you. Please note that our 14th monthsary is merely 2 hours ahead. Such felicity, for the love of a lifetime. You belong to me. I belong to you. Meant. I can barely wait to spend the evening out with you tomorrow after work. I love you and only you will have my love.

Tinted contact lenses for you.