Hung out with Dharni, Dana and Pris today. Dharni taught me beatboxing and I'm picking it up pretty well!

It hit on me that I have so many potentially good friends out there who will care for me more than any guy will ever do, and they will love me more than any man will ever do. Is there a need to pine for a certain someone, who will eventually end up breaking your heart, when there are many out there waiting to grab the chance to open themselves up to me? Everyone sheds tears for the loss of their loved ones, but if you're unable to get that sort of reaction, does it mean that love was never present in the first place? Sentimenalism is taking me over as I type word by word here, trying to keep myself occupied from harbouring thoughts of even dreams of you. Everything I do seems to be in distraction and disfocus; everything's ablur. I'm still bewildered by the way you held me, and the way you let me go. It's simply too much for anyone to take, let alone me, the emotional basket case. When you seem happy all the time, and when you seem like you're without a worry, people tend to take you for a ride, they take you forgranted. And when they do so, is it time, then, for you to step back and await them to hit onto realisation of your worth? Will everything be unable to retrieve by the time reality hits? I spoke to a friend today that I never thought would open his cards to me and even think of telling me all the littlest important details in his life. He approached me for advice, and I found myself lost at his questions. It was the first time in a long time since I had myself lost of words to what to answer immediately. And even now, after hours later the conversation, I find me asking myself within the answers to those riddles in my life. A couple of friends approached me to assure me that they were there for me regardless of whatever that will happen, and I'm glad for that. But somewhat, something's amiss, something in my life's left out. And I don't know what. I'm no longer looking forward to tomorrows. I'm trying to retain my sanity for as long as I can, but it's pretty difficult so far. All this summarises down to the irony of everyone being here when all I need is you.

And so I'm rooted to my seat here, with a cup of coffee, with mug coaster stained with caffeine, trying to keep awake for as long as I can. I don't want to shut my eyes to another reason to feel dead the next day. And I wish you were here to chat over coffee and keep awake with me, just tonight. I'd be contented.