I'm here just like I said
Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say

I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening up the healing wound again
I'm a little more careful perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you got your smile back
Like you say you're right on track
You may never know why
Once bitten twice is shy
If I'm proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to lose you again

Adios to week 8 and hello to week 9. I'm waving my holidays farewell and greeting the approach of the coming of Year 2. I'm afraid, to grow older, and realise being older isn't all that much fun. I'm afraid of not being able to meet up to standards and expectations, and I'm paranoid about failing in being in the tops. Competition gets tighter as you grow up, and the fight never stops, you just continue fighting until your last breathe; you fight for it. As a young teenager back then (it only seemed recent that I was younger), being older seemed ideally the best way to prove yourself, to prove to the world your mindsets mature. Now that my teenage years will almost come to an end, I'm afraid. The irony and contradiction of life. Then comes the issue of death. After a long and weary battle with life itself, you battle with death, then the One up above. I don't want to come to that day when I will be judged, and know that I will be separated from all I love for the rest of forever; Marion, my friends, my love, my family. Sometime I wish being in love and loved by a girl wasn't a sin, then I wouldn't still be holding myself back and restricting myself from getting in deeper emotionally. If only God had created me as a man, if only God had created her as a man. I have so much to fight. But right now I'm much too lazy to get into the battle.

Strength - Lord please grant me.

I rented 2 VCDs today (again). Chicago and Love Actually. Love Actually's a fantasticly romantic movie. I'll burn it and perhaps watch it with Nique some time soon. Hangover was bad, but I'm glad I'm home; kind of miss home at times.

I miss Nique.

Drinking sessions last night was tremendous havoc. 40% Barcardi and 35.8% Vodka, with 2 huge bottles of coke and a bottle of MUG root beer - it was enough to get 6 people to pour out their hearts to one another; it brought the whole drinking session into a sum-up of tears and eccentric exposure of many different things. I think I cried the most (been going through a lot of emotional confusion and depression, especially with H5 and I don't think they know even if they think they know). Beatrice has this awkward habit of playing with any toes she saw above her head. Joo was drunk and she kept insisting she wasn't, though she wasn't as drunk as I was. They had supper after we reached Joo's place but I didn't manage to join them because I fell asleep on the super comfortable bed. Dana and Nanny kept calling when I was drunk, and I'm thankful they cared. I really am. Nique sobbed so hard when I poured out stuff about how I felt about H5, she's never cried so bad in front of me before. But I'm glad she did anyway. Beatrice was great help. She tried so hard to console me, and everyone else, that she broke down. The whole gathering ended with Katong Laksa. No more alcohol for me until I learn to enjoy consuming it.

Beatrice and Joo : Thank you both for trying so hard to calm Nique and I down. Beatrice, thank you for consoling Nique and I. Joo, thank you for trying to calm things down between Nique and I at Charles and Keith's.

Nique : Baby thanks for being there when my emotional status was the shakiest. When I was lost in my own world, when I was on the verge of a break down, when I was crying out to you and my friends for attention, when I needed someone to release my frustration to when I thought I had noone, when the burden isn't bearable, you were there. That's all I need to know.

Money is important. I need to shop for clothes for Chinese New Year, I need to shop for new clothes to wear to school, I need to money to spoil my gf, I need lots of cash to help my dad's business. I am penniless currently and wouldn't mind any kind donations from the public floor. Any? Those who claims that money doesn't make the world go round, to hell with those unrealistic imbeciles.

Thank you for listening to me whine and grumble and complain. Thank you for tolerating my sudden temper shots. I'm so glad you're here, gf.

It's all about manipulating one another until you're done making full utilisation out of who you have already used. And I'm no exception; I'm one of those suckers. Sometimes I wonder if the friends I mingle and intereact with everyday are fair-weathered ones, or am I the fair-weathered friends myself. Sometimes I don't know who to turn to for company or advice. So many lies and so much pain resulted. I have kept my peace and remained silent for the fear of offending people who I claim to be able to count on for anything that crops up, be it good or bad. But in times like this, I find myself deluding further from the relationships and shying away from the people I thought were close to me. I don't know if I'm making a mountain out of molehill, but I don't like the way this whole friendship system works; it's based on only 2 to 3 members' opinions on matters. The others are cast aside. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive, but I did try my best to maintain the peace but shutting out from certain issues. All in vain perhaps. Perhaps I'm being pessimistic, but still, I don't fancy the manner we work things out. I'm finding it hard to love friends more than I already do, because it always ends up the same way, that we drift no matter how hard we try to keep things going. That is reality to friendship. For years, I've put my all into everything I've given to friends, really. I haven't given this much to my gf. But they outlooked all that invisible. After all that's been said, know what? I'm hurt, by the way my feelings are being dismissed.

I don't know what I should say further.

Subjects Selection for Semester 3

DIM2313 Internet Media Authoring 1 DipCore 4
DIM2314 IMD Project 2 DipCore 6
DVC1508 Digital Imaging DesElect 3
DIM2310 Interface Design DipElect 3
DIM2319 Multimedia Scriptwriting 1 DipElect 3
DIM2316 Web Animation 1 DipElect 3
BCM1006 Media & Society CDS 4 OR BMK2008 Buyer Behavior CDS 4

Total credit units for Semester Three : 26

SJC secondary two students were mostly over-decent looking, but they were nice and friendly people, except two houseflies (in particular) who kept bitching about my plastic-gf. Dana and Khoon Han did most of the job since there were only 2 groups. The organiser of the 'Beyond O Levels' seminar asked those who volunteered today for the touring to help out with the event on Friday, which means that I'll be getting to see gf. We did a bit of colour after the touring. We had fun with Phoebe's painting of H5. Shall put up the poster once I've uploaded it; it's pinned up on H5's cupboard. Nanny, Phoebe, Dana and I went to the carpark rooftop with our packed 7-11 cup noodles to have our dinner. The rooftop pillars were painted with creepy women which looked like pontianaks. They freaked Nanny out big time. As usual, after fagging, Phoebe and Dana had spitting sessions. Phoebe and I went to rent VCDs after that (and my piracy businesses resumed). Going to school tomorrow to speed up the progress of my typography project.

I can barely wait till Friday. Drinking sessions and staying out with Dana, Phoebe, Xav and stead, Joo and gf. I've been saving up for Friday. And oh yes, I'm done with my first monthsary gift for gf. I think it's a perfect present for her.

My mind's blown away just thinking of you. I missed you a lot today, and I still do.

Tanning with Nique's pictures up! - 250105

Fun fun fun. Tanned for more than 3 hours today, until we decided we had enough of the scorching sun. The sun burned more when we left Sentosa. My mum made economical sandwiches for the both of us, so we managed to scrimp on that bit.

A line that reminded me of LDSCHR lecturer,"It's not what your country can do for you, but it is what you can do for your country". Hearing recommendation - Auld Lang Syne(Freedom Mix) by Kenny G.

Pictures up! - 22/01/05 (Sent album-share invitation to Nique and H5. Please check your emails.)

Mum forced me to attend evening mass, but I managed to debate my way out of it. I hate being surrounded by old church fanatic fogeys. I'd really rather say my prayers and home. Glorious sun today; perfect for tanning but I'll only be tanning tomorrow. As you can see, I can't wait to get my ass there under the sun. Nothing else to blog about.

Tuesday please come soon. My tan's fading. Nique insists that I go tanning with her this Friday because she's harbouring plans of skipping school again. It's a boring Sunday, and if my calculations aren't wrong, I sneezed 21 times today. Meeting Nanny and Dana tomorrow to go continue shopping for the Chinese New Year. I hope I receive generous hongbaos this year.

Counting 10 more days*

Orientation 2005 meeting lasted for estimatedly 3 hours, which was twice the duration than scheduled and expected. Final Clash has been revived this year. Sylvia came up with a brilliant idea to be looking forward to participating because we will be stranded on some island with the soon-to-be freshies. We'll be then staying over at the island. How cool is that. We named the pros and cons of Inpulse Orientation 2004, and decided to improvise on whatever that went wrong. And once again, I'm a GL. The GLs will be undergoing training at St John's island. Weird.

After that, Nanny, Dana, Phoebe and I went shopping, starting from Far East. Nique and ChingJoo joined us later on, along with Beatrice, Xavier and Ryan. We bumped into the malay students of CampDesign2004. Sadly, Annash and Khairul weren't there. Took some pictures with them; brought back many memories of CampDesign2004. I didn't manage to buy my heels or bag or cheongsam. Instead, I bought fags and a pink polo t-shirt. Dana and Phoebe bought perfumes, and I was pretty tempted to buy the one Dana bought.

Tomorrow's family day. I'm going to give my dog a bathe and finish up my colour assignments.

Do check out H5's blog and its new template/layout.

Credits - Designer; Dana. Photographer/Pictures sponsor; Cheryl, Phoebe, Dana.

Anyway, Selemat Hari Raya to everyone I know reading this who celebrates Hari Raya Haji. I'm meeting neither Nique nor the five today so I'm obediently staying put at home doing my colour assignments and planning my schedule for the entire week this coming week. I've finished week 7's colour assignments.

List of assignments to finish by Week 8
ComDI - Nil
VisCo - Assignment 03, thumbnails and paint
LDSCHR - Group 'leader' assignment, meeting
IMDP1 - Contents for Assignment 02 and 03
Colour - Everything I haven't finished since Week 3, colour journal
Life Drawing - An A5 visual journal
Typography - 'Aulscore' Logotype and Letterhead, Assignment 03

Mum made me watch this Catholic video titled 'All Catholics Need To Know About Hell'. Shouldn't have watched it, because it's causing my role as a gf to be shaky. LifeDrawing; we were required to draw movement poses of people using squares. I passed that off pretty okay I guess. I showed my temper to farting and niu niu shu tiao. Sorry farting and niu niu shu tiao. Nique picked me up from school today and sent me home as well; she's this free only because she played truant.

I'm going tanning with Jinyu this Tuesday instead of going with Nique this Satuday (Saturday's tanning outing has been cancelled due to orientation meeting). Yay!

I need somebody to talk to. Give me a call or send me a message if you're someone I can talk to. Please offer voluntarily.

IMDP1 was fun today. We got to watch 2 versions of Macbeth, 2 versions of Romeo and Juliet, and we got to watch the starting of the Titanic. Wahidah told us how we had to see things in different ways, it sounds like ComDI's OWOS. Nothing much today. Finished fagging my share of Black, so I'm out of personal fag stocks now. Nique sent me home today. We went for a bit of window shopping and I got a pair of flats (yes, again). I was eyeing for a pair of heels but they didn't have it my feet size.

My computer doesn't have any songs downloaded every since it was reformatted. I don't intend to put anymore songs into it. I'll get people to lend me CDs to burn, then I'll transfer them into my thumbdrive or something. Too much spyware junk in my computer.

H5 doesn't take my words seriously. Listen to me when I say what I say. I feel so redundant I don't feel like accomodating to their wants anymore. I keep trying so hard to please the five of you.

I think I'm just pmsing.

"Baby you hang up, no you hang up, on 3 hang up"

It's a record for 2005 (so far). I managed to win 12 hours of sleep, and I didn't felt like waking up. Being able to grab good sleep is difficult these days. I'm supposed to go meet Dana at noon at school but I overslept and consciously allowed myself to continue sleeping. I'm not looking forward to practically all my lectures, as compared to semester 1. I was more keen during semester 1. Subject election next week, and I don't even know how I'm going to cope with Year 2. It's unbelieveable how time sweeps past you. And before I know it I'm 18, and before I know it it's Marion's 3rd death anniversary. Just randomly naming two of the significant events in 2005. Moving ahead isn't that easy after all when there is pretty much nothing to look forward to but piled-up projects and heavier eye bags.

There's this woman who called me claiming she's my mother, and we have been smsing for 2 days without me realising she isn't my mother, since I didn't memorise my mother's number. Anyway, we went to fag at the reservoir during VisCo, and we started practicing spitting. I can't spit skilfully like Dana and Phoebe. Uncivilised but creative way of spending our rotting time. I'm listening to Aristostotle broadcasting on his radio channel.

I'm not who you want me to be. Maybe you're comparing, maybe you're not. Don't want to think about it.

ComDI's presentation today screwed up, not because I didn't work hard enough for it, but I wasn't feeling well enough to give a slightly more impressive presentation. I'm having bad feelings about my grades for ComDI and I'm beginning to dislike attending ComDI lectures. H5 had dinner together; a happy group outing worth remembering.

I should practice getting angry with mr for upsetting me and making me mad, but I can't bring myself to.

ComDI's last minute workload always causes me to fall ill last minute as well. Anticipating a sneeze is ghastly; worse than sneezing several times. The feeling is sickly and it's causing my teeth to chatter. I can't believe I'm doing last minute work although I am strongly against last minute work. Contradiction - human nature. I can't seem to type in proper sentences. I have yet to complete my bibliography in APA format.

Towned with my mr, Jason and Amanda. The chat session at Starbucks was the most entertaining part of the day.

Mr needs me as much as I need mr. Mr loves me as much as I love mr. Mr misses me as much as I miss mr. The best part of me is everything about mr.

NOTE: What goes around, comes around.

I think one proverb is enough for shallow people to absorb for a day or so.

-

The old man up there is putting me to a test that I cannot win. First it's this dilemma between siding my mum and my dad (it seems they were indirectly forcing their children to choose sides with either one), then it's mum and me (for not being up to her standard). Things didn't end there, it just worsened. Miss Chan brought news to sis and I that she won't be able to teach us piano anymore due to many self-created conflicts, constraints and disruptionsm, last was that mum blamed me for not trying hard enough for my piano career. Get real, like I'm supposed to cope with 2 careers - my design career and my piano career. Noone really sees how tired I get sometimes, to the extent of me bearing the thought of letting my rope loose. I need to disconnect from this mess. But for now, I'm confessing my hurts right here. It doesn't matter if I sob hard or whimper. It only matters that I please the people I need to please.

I love H5 very much and I will never allow anyone to insult or speak ill of them. Get this clear before I destroy the life out of you.

I'm glad mr jack is around to console her mrs.

She's gone; #10

You're up there above the heavens while I'm here waiting.

Backstab some more, and I'll be seeing you in hell from the higher levels. Shallow people think backstabbing is a step closer drawn into a friendship. You must be lacking genuine friends. People like you have screwed up heads and lives. What on earth is the world coming to?

Valentino isn't punctual for lecture again. 6 weeks since school started, and all 6 weeks he's late. He isn't really setting the best example to his students. Now almost everyone in this fucked up class is taking advantage of him being late, and they're all arriving late as well. So I've been coming for Val's lectures on time for nothing for the past 6 weeks. It's 9:14am by the way; another minute and everybody's supposed to be marked ABSENT.

I'm undergoing mood dispositions. Some shallow housefly spoilt my night last night. She should really wise up and learn to mature. Like I mentioned in my previous entries, she's nothing but a pack of idle bones. She needs to pick a life and go lead it. Making so much trouble for others at such a young age.

H5 lunch later. BEAMS.

ingrid: muhahahaha. i am here.next to ryl.rotting till our valentine comes..lmao

Can my gf's friends please stop being so hypocritical? One moment they're back stabbing one another, another moment they're on each other's sides and against my gf. So much for gratitude. Bah. Everyone shuts their fucking traps up before I personally go slap whoever who continues this dissing commotion.

I'm glad I have my five with me, along with Nanny. Everyone's having PMS, even the guys.

Man, are unreliable.

Lecturers from TP-Design reading this (if you do), please do your future designers-to-be a favour and extend the semesters next semester. This short semester has gotten our work schedules all tight, and all the students are feeling so frustrated from the amount of work and stress they receive at their ends. I want to have more time to prove my best. Give me a chance to do that.

H5 please resurrect from your deadness. We haven't lunched together in so long, we haven't gone out together since school started, we haven't even interacted or communicated much since the workload at school piled themselves on us. I miss all of your company.

Anyway the stupid computer-reformat guy came 2 hours later than the appointment time, and when he did arrive, he told mum and I that he hadn't got the time to reformat our computer. He had other appointments to meet, and he chose not to meet our needs first when our appointment was made earlier. So much for professionalism.

Don't compel. It has no good endings. Don't dwell in self-denial; you'll only make a laughing stock out of yourself and cause the sight of you to be spit-worthy. Don't do unto others what you do not wish others to do unto you, and if you do, what goes around comes around. So grab a life, bitch, and keep your unnecessary gossips to yourself only because the only person you're making a fool of is yourself. Don't do that to yourself, really. Quit leaving chunks of words to anonymous in your blog entries when you dare not have the balls to mention names. You know the mistakes you made and the let-down you have been. Don't bring your problem to others and heavy the burden. You're just an immature good-for-nothing; it shows. ((:

*Psst, if you think the above paragraph is mentioning about you and 'dedicated' to you, there, take it.

First Monday's ComDI's 4 essays, then came Tuesday's VisCo. After that LDSCHR's movie essay followed up. Next will be Botero sculpture drawing and reflection essay. It doesn't sound much but I'm beginning to feel the intensity of the tremendous stress as the projects and assignments rolled at me. This lifestyle now really makes me wonder on how life will be once I touch down Year Two. I'm mentally worn out and physically unfit. I fell sick on Monday, and I'm still suffering from cough. My fags have run out so Phoebe and I are sharing another pack tomorrow.

Right now I'm almost finished with the sculpture drawing and rendering. I'll be attending Nanny's colour class tomorrow morning. I'll have to call him in awhile to confirm.

You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
((:

Please help me out with another survey. It's a survey on the Interactive Media Design. Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

(Click on link)
http://www.zoomerang.com/recipient/survey.zgi?p=WEB2242UPYBL4R

Please remind me that plagarism of copyrighted material from the internet is illegal. What if the source I'm stealing from isn't stated copyrighted? Does it mean I have the right to pick it up and utilise it for self purposes? I'm currently planning a new layout for the blog; it's present layout appears to stale for acceptance that I'm from the media design area and that I'll be working on the multimedia field in the future. I need practise but I don't know how to start. Basic htmls awareness is necessary so you know you won't screw up last minute with your layout elements.

Damien Rice's Cold Water subtly croons, and I swear there's this part in the song which freaks me out, it goes 'Ooooohhhhh, Aaaahhhhh', in this acapella unison tone. I'm really bored, and that's the reason behind me blogging to this extent. I need to pick up my Thesaures dictionary and start learning new words. I need to update my language. I woke up this morning feeling achy all over, with a throat that sored and with a half-hearted determination to get my ass to school to just get over and done with that 3 hours of Communicating Design Ideas. I have tons of assignments and projects due this week, yet at the moment all I can think of is working on the new layout of my blog. It's 1:53pm and I haven't gotten myself to actually visit the toilet for my daily teeth-brushing.

Kiss the rain.

I attempt at profound lengthy essays, I swore to perfection, I resisted against flaws, but I never confessed that you were all I needed to believe in love when I thought I could never put my faith into loving again. The thought of you being near lets out cold sweat and sweaty palms, the anticipation of walking another step closer towards you causes a thud a heartbeat quicker. Profound words may not necessarily bring the message across to you of how much you really matter to me. You weight my world, my world equals you. I have never found love this delirious since the last time I put my all in feeling affections for anyone. I hope you understand and comprehend the importance of your existence in my 17 years of livelihood and living. If it wasn't the third time chemistry coincided between us, we wouldn't have come this far to reach out to each other and reach for each other. I'm glad I'm finally expressing what I need and want to to you. I need you to stay happy, genuinely happy, because watching you dwell in happiness amounts to me being a happier person, or maybe to the extent of being a happy person. I haven't fully utilised the maximum power of my profoundness of my awareness of the english language, but I need you to know that no matter how difficult it is and regardless of the obstacles we may go through, we'll be doing it hand in hand - together. I don't want to give you short unthoughtful sentences and statements and expect you to understand the depth of the shortness of those words, but I will now tell you, no matter how long the sentences may extend, that you're the music that flows my life, and that you're the catalyst to the temper that has calmed. I have changed, and I will continue to evolve into the perfection you have always dreamt of, although I know you will say that I needn't change a single bit of who I am, and that you love me for just the way I am. But things are different now, I need to understand what I haven't accomplished fulfillingly in the past, and now I will show you the love you can count on for a lifetime.

This is for you, Nique.

From the Girlfriend :

i love my cheryl ! ((:

(cheryl says blog more)

SO.

HELLO GIRLFRIEND. THIS IS YOUR GARFIELD.

dana is being extraly extra.
she is currently sitting beside me, sneezing her nose away.
YUCK.

dana is trying to snatch my keyboard when she knows MY girlfriend asked ME to blog.
how UNKIND.

(no lor. she say i also can lor. cheebye)
nique: erh erh erh erh erh.
(dana got whacked)

dana continues...

yup, nique's complainin to cheryl bout what i jus typed. she's actin like a baby tryin to complain. mahahahahahaha. cheryl complainin she got so little money. wth. oh fcuk. my beloved cleavage is gonna turn into a piggie bank. =(~

NIQUE'S TURN.
im cheryl's baby! so how?
TSK. dana's just JEALOUS.
cheryl claims that dana and i are chatting on msn.

dana tryin to snatch the keyboard.
nique:yjuvj hgkrhkigekugrekugkrgbkgrt

NIQUE SAYS: i haven type finish yet. u dun be irritatin can anot. (she toks like a BABY)

NIQUE ALSO SAYS THAT DANA IS A BITCH!

dana: WOOF!

dana continues,
fcukin muthu fooker joel haven email cheryl.
i gotta starved like the tsunami victims.

nique says me too me too!! (like a baby again)

DONT BE IRRITATING. by the baby.

oh yea, nique's relatives are here on the table on the plate.
they're ANG KU KUEH and SOON KUEH.

mahahahahaha.

nanny shouted: I WANT TO TYPE. HELLO I DINT SHOUT LOR.

dana lets her way for nanny.

siam lar...

hmm...anyway i tink u guys shud...



GROW UP LAR!....

lets have lunch?

nique says: hi relatives...anyone wants to eat my relatives?

ryl's mom sae: u want biscults?
dana saes: dun need lar...
ryl shouts:!!!HI EVERYBODY,TOK BAD ABOUT ME AR????arh!!!!

SIYUAN SIAN LE...BORED...

dana snatched.
rtlkhkfhewk.j
reiut ytym
rteujnk89no;-,]> fqxc

nique says: my turn already la.
baby in deletin in action.

i forget wad i wanna say already. thks to neeeeee kueh.

dana let nique have ther keyboard 'gentlemenly'

nique : NO. I SNATCHED IT. dana is selfish PLS. tsk.

and yes. i forgot what i wanted to say alr. thanks to dana.

CHERYL IS ASKING US TO GET OFF ALR. BYE ALL.

dana says: BYE!!!!!

9:52am
Sometimes I got a hunch that I will never be the one my gf will eventually love the most. Please slap me awake and tell me that my intuition has failed my premonitions.

2:42am
I hold grudges too, like almost anyone else out there. The grudges I bear till today, you wouldn't wish to comprehend the depth of anger and resent I've hidden in me for such a long time. I'm uncivilised, uncouth, loud, rude, and I've been an unreasonable bitch. If only Marion was still around; she'd help me verbally screw those morons; she'd destroy anything that harms her precious Cheryl. That best friend, always remembered and missed, but never phsically present anymore.

If you aren't pleased or comfortable with what I blog, what are you doing here in the first place? I don't need to honey words to swell your ego; I say what I want and if what I want to say isn't what you want to read or hear, get out.

Friendship prevails to those who wish to make it last.

10:24pm
NeeKueh blogged for me before this, as obvious. 2 days and DJ Mix green apple fag resources have already depleted to nothing. Just a day without nicotine and I almost fell sick needing to smoke. This, people, is what they warned about - addiction. I was just informed that Ingrid has gone into smoking, and that she's dating this butch(sort of), which means that Ingrid and I have gone back to our wrong ways. Men aren't worth the love. NeeKueh came over to TDS today. Dana, Nanny, she and I went to Long John's to have our dinner. There was this ice-spitting riot (don't wish to talk about it). NeeKueh's having her EMath headstart test tomorrow. Pray she'll do well.

Ingrid had an overnight transformation, which I felt was sad. I don't know why but I felt sad when I learnt that she's changed so much in just a few days. She's not the person she is (so it seems). Maybe I have never known her thoroughly until now. Maybe. Somehow it seems as if H5's losing Ingrid, which also indicates H5 splitting up if we lose any of us. Intuition on this is pretty strong, which explains my mood now. H5 can pull through this. Please tell me we will. I miss the 5 together.

I hope gf's staying over tomorrow, so that I can drill her to study for her headstart tests in the upcoming week. I can work on my projects and assignments while she mugs. I'm worried for gf; I worry for her so much about everything. Trust me, everything from her studies to her not spending enough time with her friends. I miss her.

I'm brooding over so many matters. I want my five and gf.

THE girlfriend invades!

yay! im here at baby's school.
actually my mind is kinda blank now. WHAT TO DO. my baby wants me to blog. and because im sucha nice gf, so YA. im here typing this chunk of shit in her blog.

supposed to come here and study while baby does her project.
but obviously, me being so clever, i have done all my revision for tmr's emath alr!
baby dont believe me though)):

ilovemybabyok!?

dana should go away. although she's good at emaths.
she should help me do my o levels paper.
(baby just said i suck up to dana.)
-POUTS.

have been missing this girl like crazy last night..
finally got to see her today! so happy lar.
gonna meet up with my another gf later (MY BABY JUST TYPED THAT!)
see. she trust me so much. TSK.
i meant to say I WAS GONNA MEET HER TMR AGAIN.
tsk. i got a cek ark kia as a gf. )):

_HAIR STAND LAR.

ilovemygf. SO MUCH.
MINE ALL MINE!! =D

6:22pm
I'm back earlier than usual from school today because I miss the feeling of being home early. LDSCHR was fun today (as always), and we had a few personality and charisma quizzes. I don't know why I get nervous before IMDP1 all the time. I'll be having worms in my stomach and I'll get all queasy. Phoebe bought apple ice DJ MIX cigarettes and she's planning to get Black the next time round. Faghag, literally. IMDP1 was quite interesting, in a sense, because everyone was late for class after the break, and Wahidah decided to disallow those who were late into the class. Warren had to be the smart alec and try to block the door, only to fall so hard backwards when someone opened the door from the outside. Rare sight.

I feel like cooking for gf. I miss gf.

1:32am
After 3 hours of torturous gruelling over my powerpoint presentation for IMDP1, I can proudly announce that I am finally done and over with IMDP1's assignment 1. I've got news from people from earlier classes that there are assignments 2 and 3 to be given out tomorrow.

Gf is the best. She was with me all this while when I was so stressed out by all the projects. Gf called and we chatted for about an hour. Change of plans! I'll be meeting gf this Thursday instead of Friday, which means I'll be meeting her earlier. Gf's asleep now and I'm preparing to hop into bed. Sleep tight gf. I love you.

With you I fall so fast. I want our Ashley and Ashton.

Please help me out by sparing a bit of your time to help me fill out this survey. The link is at the bottom.

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB2242DEB295T

Your cooperation is very much appreciated. Thank you.

Blame it all on me poking my nose around and looking into what I shouldn't be interfering in. I saw gf and her exgf's pictures. I think I'll be skipping VisCo too. Gf you're missed, very much.

I miss gf's proud face. I miss gf's 'OKAY!' action. I miss gf's discipline (laughs). I miss gf challenging me. I miss gf's messages. I miss gf's voice. I miss gf telling me she misses me. I miss our heart to heart conversations. I miss being next to gf. I miss my gf.

D/N/E ComDI essays are due next week. VisCo's 40 sketches due tomorrow. LDSCHR's group and individual project due this Wednesday. IMDP1's assignment 1 due on Wednesday. Botero's sculpture A3 drawing due on Thursday. Typography's 26 creative fonts due this Friday. Seems like there will be no break for me, other than today.

Felix told me I should be careful with what I write in my blog. I never knew or even imagined lecturers reading my blog, not to mention being aware that I'm homosexual. Met gf and her friends, with Dana and Nanny. Dined at PizzaHut's for dinner. Won't be meetin gf until Friday due to the workload I have to get completed by the end of the weekdays. Gf challenges me now.

It's unbelieveably our third time, and we're going to be happy from now on. We are now.

Hotmail has decided to suspend my account and delete all my precious emails. Fuck hotmail. I have to tell myself to be happy all the time now so that I won't return to what I was in the past, but I want all of my past back. I want Marion back, I want her emails back, I want our memories back. I want Mabel and Sean to fuck to hell (pardon me for being crude; I have kept this inside me for a long time and it's time to let it all loose). Adding to that, this girl just testimonial-ed my girlfriend that she's crazy over her. I don't know what to say. It's only the first day of our newly afreshed relationship and the possessiveness is surging like poison. I don't want to possess, I don't even want to show it.

It's good to shut out from the world, from everything else sometimes, because only then you'll discover tranquility. Dang! Reality check, I have a whole line of assignments and projects waiting to be done with. I'd better kick my ass and get down to finishing them.

I'm never right. I flaw over and over again. I'm not perfect, and I'm shaking from my incredible weakness.

On the other hand, I think hunger has resulted me in this outburst of moodswing. I love my girlfriend.

Whoa. What 2 days. One of the few most memorable days of my life actually. Met Pris and Nanny first yesterday because Dana was late; we were heading to the Esplanade to draw Botero's sculptures. We bought Mrs Fields' brownies and muffins for lunch. The rain soon spoilt the drawing plans and we seeked shelter at the performance stage seats. Not long after, Dana realised that Electrico was performing at 7.30pm at the Esplanade outdoor stage. Nique and Joo came over to watch us draw, and to watch Electrico's performance with us. Corinne's performance wasn't bad either, her voice sounds like Amy Lee's (that's a compliment by the way). H4 plus Nanny then decided to go catch Meet The Fockers at Cineleisure, but the next show was pretty late for anyone to stay on, so all of us went for dinner at KFC. After dinner the group split up for home. Nique and I headed to the airport to stayover for the night. Nique likes to think of herself as someone dominating enough to discipline me, but she is oblivious and blinded from the fact that I am the ultimate dominance. We spent a long time strolling around until around 4am, we headed to StarBucks to have some Rhumba. After that we went back to the viweing mall to sleep. Nique didn't sleep whereas I slept like a log. I woke up after 2 hours of snooze, and we decided to go home, but we obviously didn't. We took the train to Tanah Merah, and we took 12 to Pasir Ris interchange. And at Pasir Ris interchange, we decided we didn't want to go home, so we took 12 again. We fell asleep in the bus and we stopped at Outram Mrt station. Nique was asleep when I woke her up in the bus. Nique was so caught up in slumberland that she wasn't even catching what I was saying when I told her that the bus had reached its end terminal. I needed to get home before afternoon, so we took a train back home. Nique sent me home.

Us (:

Happy 2005 to the world!

Firstly I'd want to do a thank you speech to those I love so much this year. These people are the H5, nanny, my family, daryl, ex-4/1ers, people from TP design school, people who participated in CampDesign 2004, Larry, Kelvin, *her and even those I can't remember right now. They've all been gifts from God which I do treasure as wonderful memories of 2004. And again, I'd want to tell H5, nanny and her, that I love you all very much. All of you are the pillars of my life now, and I could never do without you this year, and for the rest of my years. Thank you all for everything pleasant and unpleasant that we went through in 2004.