Adios to week 8 and hello to week 9. I'm waving my holidays farewell and greeting the approach of the coming of Year 2. I'm afraid, to grow older, and realise being older isn't all that much fun. I'm afraid of not being able to meet up to standards and expectations, and I'm paranoid about failing in being in the tops. Competition gets tighter as you grow up, and the fight never stops, you just continue fighting until your last breathe; you fight for it. As a young teenager back then (it only seemed recent that I was younger), being older seemed ideally the best way to prove yourself, to prove to the world your mindsets mature. Now that my teenage years will almost come to an end, I'm afraid. The irony and contradiction of life. Then comes the issue of death. After a long and weary battle with life itself, you battle with death, then the One up above. I don't want to come to that day when I will be judged, and know that I will be separated from all I love for the rest of forever; Marion, my friends, my love, my family. Sometime I wish being in love and loved by a girl wasn't a sin, then I wouldn't still be holding myself back and restricting myself from getting in deeper emotionally. If only God had created me as a man, if only God had created her as a man. I have so much to fight. But right now I'm much too lazy to get into the battle.

Strength - Lord please grant me.