I spent a whole lot on shopping today, and the feeling I get from that isn't something glorious or pleasant. I'm chatting with Nanny and Pris at 2.25am to be precise. My internet connection died on me for 3 hours. I spent this 3 agonizing hours trying to occupy myself with something else than thinking of him.

So I woke up with puffy eyes this morning. I met Nique up first to shop for my H5 plus Nanny. I bought a bag for myself; Dana has the exact same bag, only that hers is navy green. We shopped around for the 2 who weren't present today but I wouldn't consider it successful shopping. Nique and I met Pris, Phoebe and SiYuan to continue our search for Christmas presents. Nique broke my plastic carrier, and she was proud of her doing. We had Long John's for dinner and I didn't finish up my food as usual. Anyway, Nique and Phoebe bullied me today - they were making fun of my clock-head and Phoebe was doing that Dana-touching-the-chin thing. I came home with my feet painfully swollen from the unhealthy footwear, and I watched Dead Poets Society with sis. The movie was marvellous. Ahemahem, I miss you (:

Dana's stranded outside. She had a huge tiff with her family and has decided to flee from home. I offered her to come stayover for the night but she refused to accept the offer. I hope she's fine outside since I'm not allowed to chat on the phone for too long because the two bitches in my room would rather save the phone for their own usage.

I felt cheated from everything that I wished was real. I wanted to be away from the hard work and pretence that I could prolong my tolerance for all these work. All I could think about was you, and I bet it doesn't work both sides now. You know, the more I'm trying to wipe you clean off my mind, the more thoughts of you are absorbed. I laugh all the time whenever you're around and whenever we speak to each other, because I never wanted you to undergo the pressure I would inflict on you if you were to be aware of how much insecurity I'm suffering from. I put on a clown just to please you. But it seems that you weren't pleased with what I tried to hard to attempt at just to cheer you up a single bit. I get paranoid everytime your weathers change toward me, and I cry more than you could even imagine. I look emotionally strong to you, because I make it seem that way to you. You will never be able to interpret my story. I feel too complicated for your liking and for you to understand. Everynight, I cry beneath the sheets of my sweet dreams. I dreamt of you last night. I wished I would not have gotten up from that sweet slumber. I wished that my breath would just stop the moment I had actually felt you corresponding to my love towards you. I wish I hadn't have to act out the parts whenever I see you. I hate the thought of letting go and moving on, when at the same time I'm bearing the thought that you might just return someday. You've instilled hope for Us from what we heart-to-heart conversed that night. Every ounce of me aches for you, like now. Don't treat me like an unfeeling toy, because everything you say and do affects me a great lot. If only you would spare me a little more time to try rekindle affections once again; if only you wouldn't cast me aside so easily; if only you take me seriously with every word I say to you. You're all that fills me, which is why I am incomplete now. Fill the last piece of the puzzle. Fulfill this pending. Don't tell me things which you don't mean.